|
Post by freckles on Jan 2, 2008 11:00:59 GMT -5
i feel like i owe it to my kids to try to work this out, especially if he really does want to work on his issues. that and i made a vow to love him no matter what for the rest of our lives.
Your Feelings about Leaving are not as Important as Your Kids Feelings about a Destroyed Family
|
|
JC
Full Member
Posts: 205
|
Post by JC on Jan 2, 2008 14:37:10 GMT -5
freck, i know my kids are more important than i am.. but i have to decide what is best for them, staying with someone who calls me such vile names in front of them, or splitting up with him and trying to make a better life with them?
|
|
|
Post by freckles on Jan 2, 2008 15:52:56 GMT -5
Cussing is Bad
Does He have Parents ?
maybe they need to Talk to Him and let Him know Cussing/ Saying Bad to your Wife is not what a Man does
Its what a BRAT does
That needs a belt whipping by his parents
|
|
ladyj
New Member
Posts: 7
|
Post by ladyj on Jan 2, 2008 15:53:59 GMT -5
Belt whip a grown adult?
|
|
|
Post by freckles on Jan 2, 2008 16:03:17 GMT -5
Some need it
|
|
JC
Full Member
Posts: 205
|
Post by JC on Jan 2, 2008 16:06:10 GMT -5
no he doesnt have parents.. which is part of his problem i guess
|
|
|
Post by Dave on Jan 2, 2008 19:11:41 GMT -5
Too bad he doesn't have a dad or brother or cousin to beat his ass, but since that doesn't seem to be the case. . .
I think James has lost his right to decide anything at all. If he is serious about working on your problems he needs to accept that the control resides with you. Make a list of what you consider reachable and reasonable goals along with projected dates of achievement. If he balks or misses a goal and you don't think he is carrying his weight - THEN - you should walk.
Or not.
|
|
|
Post by Phyxius on Jan 2, 2008 19:18:24 GMT -5
Too bad he doesn't have a dad or brother or cousin to beat his ass, but since that doesn't seem to be the case. . . I think James has lost his right to decide anything at all. If he is serious about working on your problems he needs to accept that the control resides with you. Make a list of what you consider reachable and reasonable goals along with projected dates of achievement. If he balks or misses a goal and you don't think he is carrying his weight - THEN - you should walk. Or not. Sounds a little too much like a hostage situation to me. The right to decide belongs to both. She still has the right to walk, he has the right to change. Each are responsible for their own actions. If he has no right to decide, what reason does he have to change?
|
|
|
Post by Dave on Jan 2, 2008 19:23:58 GMT -5
If she has already committed to leaving - be it to the daughter's room, or another home - and he is negotiating her staying by committing to changing his behavior, then I would say that his line of credit is pretty low don't you think?
|
|
|
Post by jules on Jan 2, 2008 19:30:35 GMT -5
No ass kicking or whipping necessary here... now he wants to try to work it out.. that he is going to make an effort to not be that way anymore, that he understands he has some issues that he needs to work out. he said that he hasnt liked me for a long time, he just doesnt know how to let the anger go. but he wants to try. Question. What SPECIFICALLY is he going to "try" to do? It's very easy to throw a very vague "I'm gonna try to be better" out there -- but figuring out exactly how to achieve that goal and doing it is a whole other story. Is he willing to figure out exactly what he needs to do? Are you willing to talk out with him what specifically you want to change? Are you both really willing to give it a good "try" even? You need to figure this out first, it seems. And if you both are committed to REALLY trying, you need to figure out what each of you needs to do and do it. Please find a good couple's therapist. This may take having initial consultations with 2, 4, 6, 8, or more therapists to find the right fit for you. Are both of you willing to put in the time and effort to do this? Also it sounds like both of you need individual counseling as well. And again, it'll be a matter of finding the right individual counselor for each of you. The individual therapists will help you figure out what each of you need, and the couples therapist ought to help you learn how to communicate these needs to each other and actions that each of you can take to meet each others' needs. (By the way, I can't believe that your doctor prescribed Prozac without also insisting that you attend counseling, or at least seeing a psychiatrist for an evaluation. That is really scary.) And, yes, if at all possible during the time of working on the relationship, if this is what you choose to do, living apart would probably be the best option. Wishing you all the best...
|
|
JC
Full Member
Posts: 205
|
Post by JC on Jan 3, 2008 6:44:51 GMT -5
the doctor was my ob, and she prescribed it for pms, and postpartum depression... i didnt even think that she should have sent me to counseling
|
|
|
Post by rocko on Jan 3, 2008 8:45:40 GMT -5
Did you all talk last night or are you just trying to get breathing room right now?
It may be good for you to just think for a little while.
What about you both making a list of things you would like to improve about yourself? Then trade lists and make comments and whatnot to the other persons list (without making any of it a personal attack).
|
|
JC
Full Member
Posts: 205
|
Post by JC on Jan 3, 2008 9:09:26 GMT -5
no we didnt really talk last night.. although i got really sick.. and he was his normal jackass self last night...
|
|
|
Post by rocko on Jan 3, 2008 9:10:39 GMT -5
sounds great
|
|