super
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Posts: 122
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Post by super on Jan 4, 2008 12:38:36 GMT -5
I know that no contact is best and at this point I don't want to hear his voice again. What I do have is lingering questions.
When we had our final talk I held back a lot. For whatever reason, when I saw him I wasn't angry. I felt like even though he'd been a jerk, he was trying his best. He just wasn't thinking of me and was being selfish, which is the way he is.
Now though, I really need to get some stuff off my chest! Partly, I want him to know that I knew he was dating someone through the whole month that he was taking to "think". Should I really hold it in? I've tried writing letters etc. but it doesn't help.
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Post by goods on Jan 4, 2008 12:43:57 GMT -5
You can call him, get it all out. BUT I would bet that after that you will find that you have one or two more things you forgot to say.... Point is, there will always be something to get off your chest. Let it go. Realize you will never get all the answers that you want, that you will never be able to tell him everything you must. Move forward with your life and learn from this.
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Post by RO on Jan 4, 2008 12:54:59 GMT -5
I would agree...
I think you should let it go.
There will always be another question...
You can what if yourself to death...
You're moving on...slowly...you are.
How will asking him or letting him know anything change anything now?
Do you think it will make you feel better? Honestly...do you?
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Post by JimB on Jan 4, 2008 13:15:47 GMT -5
If the problem was really that you just have something to get off your chest, writing letters or talking to someone else would be sufficient. Reality is, at least subconsciously, you are looking for some kind of reaction from him in particular ("gee honey, you're right" or "I feel so awful" or something like that). I can tell you from experience that you're not likely to get any kind of satisfaction from the response you get, so I agree that it's best to find a way to work through this on your own.
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super
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Posts: 122
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Post by super on Jan 4, 2008 13:16:38 GMT -5
You're both right. I do need to send him an e-mail to change his e-mail password. I know it, and haven't spied in a long time. I'm afraid that I will eventually crack though.
I guess I feel like if I'm going to contact him at all I might as well make it worthwhile.
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Post by goods on Jan 4, 2008 13:36:27 GMT -5
Thing is... it won't be worthwhile. It will only fuel your pain.
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Post by lumpy on Jan 4, 2008 14:02:58 GMT -5
If the problem was really that you just have something to get off your chest, writing letters or talking to someone else would be sufficient. Reality is, at least subconsciously, you are looking for some kind of reaction from him in particular ("gee honey, you're right" or "I feel so awful" or something like that). I can tell you from experience that you're not likely to get any kind of satisfaction from the response you get, so I agree that it's best to find a way to work through this on your own. Seconded. If it's venting for ventings sake, do it here. Why give him the satisfaction of knowing how you feel?
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AMG
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Posts: 40
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Post by AMG on Jan 4, 2008 15:45:46 GMT -5
If the problem was really that you just have something to get off your chest, writing letters or talking to someone else would be sufficient. Reality is, at least subconsciously, you are looking for some kind of reaction from him in particular ("gee honey, you're right" or "I feel so awful" or something like that). I can tell you from experience that you're not likely to get any kind of satisfaction from the response you get, so I agree that it's best to find a way to work through this on your own. SO very true... I am guilty of this as well. And never once did I feel better afterwards. More often then not, I felt worse.
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super
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Posts: 122
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Post by super on Jan 5, 2008 14:51:54 GMT -5
Well, I took the good advice and just sent a message saying change your password. He responded wanting to know if I'd logged in to his account and I'm just going to ignore him. At least that temptation is gone now. It was another way of holding on.
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Atl
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Posts: 200
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Post by Atl on Jan 8, 2008 15:05:31 GMT -5
Well, I took the good advice and just sent a message saying change your password. He responded wanting to know if I'd logged in to his account and I'm just going to ignore him. At least that temptation is gone now. It was another way of holding on. That is a great start. I have been divorced 2 years and I am over him. However, every now and then I still have questions pop up that make me wonder..............then I think.........would I really be better off knowing the truth? I don't think so. Just try to think of it that way. It's helped me.
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Post by rocko on Jan 8, 2008 15:24:49 GMT -5
I have new questions about him abondoning the children and such. Writing it down did NOT help me, but I know he will lie or wont' know the truth even if I did ask. You don't need him to be fullfilled and complete. Blogging did help because I felt like I was realeasing it out into the world I can be sooo special.
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super
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Posts: 122
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Post by super on Jan 8, 2008 16:21:09 GMT -5
he responded asking me if i had logged into his account and i ignored him. i won't be responding. it feels good to know that he's wondering about some things. one the biggest regrets i have is continuing to protect him so much. in our relationship he was always the one putting me first and i was always pulling away. in the end though i never let him know how unhappy i had been, or how full of doubt. i never told him that i was unsure when he proposed. i just let him think that he was ready to break up and i wasn't. i guess i just didn't ever want to hurt him. i'm the mature one in a way i still want to send him a link to my online diary from years ago that said i felt trapped and wanted out. i guess i want to hurt him now. sigh...
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