Post by Phoenixx on Feb 19, 2008 17:39:41 GMT -5
I dreamt about you a few days ago. I dreamt about our anniversary. The last one, remember? The hotel room, our dance in the lounge....how I felt a little unsure around you. We'd had a fight, almost broken up. But I held your hand as we walked up the hill. You should have known then, if you didn't. That was my way of saying "I need you to hold me". How I woke up in the middle of the night, and watched you, and then wrote my wedding vows. I still have them - somewhere. I never got a chance to use them, did I?
What do you want? Why cant I ask you that? Why cant I break this silence, if only to show you how angry I still am? Why do I sit and listen to my friends tell me how sad you sound in your emails, how you tell them that you miss me. Well, this isnt my fault, is it? You created this. You were the one who didn't contact me back. What did you expect, that I would bombard you with emails, that I would call you, that I would demand answers? Oh, you should have known me better than that. I have never been good at fighting for anything - you didn't reply to my email, so I left it. Its been 'left' for months and months now. What do you want now? And whatever it is, why cant you just come out and SAY it. I'm tired. So very very tired. I have so much going on right now, and our relationship was always so very difficult. How many things were against us? We were always fighting - if not eachother, then the world. I'm scared of finding out if I ask you - so I dont. I am paralysed and cannot start the confrontation to get the closure. I'd rather let it fade away. But you wont, will you? You wont expres anything but you will keep chipping away.
Leave me alone. There isn't much left to chip at...I've cried it all out...This is a small place and chances are I will bump into you sometime somewhere. I cant say I relish the prospect....
What do you want? Why cant I ask you that? Why cant I break this silence, if only to show you how angry I still am? Why do I sit and listen to my friends tell me how sad you sound in your emails, how you tell them that you miss me. Well, this isnt my fault, is it? You created this. You were the one who didn't contact me back. What did you expect, that I would bombard you with emails, that I would call you, that I would demand answers? Oh, you should have known me better than that. I have never been good at fighting for anything - you didn't reply to my email, so I left it. Its been 'left' for months and months now. What do you want now? And whatever it is, why cant you just come out and SAY it. I'm tired. So very very tired. I have so much going on right now, and our relationship was always so very difficult. How many things were against us? We were always fighting - if not eachother, then the world. I'm scared of finding out if I ask you - so I dont. I am paralysed and cannot start the confrontation to get the closure. I'd rather let it fade away. But you wont, will you? You wont expres anything but you will keep chipping away.
Leave me alone. There isn't much left to chip at...I've cried it all out...This is a small place and chances are I will bump into you sometime somewhere. I cant say I relish the prospect....