Post by kittenhart on Jan 6, 2008 2:03:37 GMT -5
So today has been a pretty low day for me...finally sinking in that he is not family for me any more and I am not family for him.
He's sick and in the hospital and my stbx-in-laws haven't even bothered to call me and let me know how he is (I thought at least his brother would call me....we've always been close.)
The day of his surgery, I saw his parents briefly as I had to pick up our pets- we share them like joint custody. His mom was nice enough to me but his dad was his usual assh*le self (no biggie...the guys a dink to all women....and has always disliked me cause I call things what they are and don't take any of his shiat).
His mom told me it was encapsulated (which is good cause I thought it was spreading already) and that the doc told her the surgery was a success. Yes, they always say that....but he still may lose his voice, or it could change....
(yikes, or he could end up like Stephen Hawking with one of those robotic voices...gawd...do they still do that?)
Anyhow, it just finally hit me this afternoon. I was wondering if I should go to the hospital for visiting hours....after all,we've been best friends for 13 years.
Then I thought....what the f*ck, you're nothing to him now, you're not a couple, you're not family, you're nothing....don't go. Just go home and get over it. Just deal. (Part of me is angry because I've had my own medical problems to deal with lately, and god knows he hasn't been there for me while I've waited 11 hours for an MRI with no meds for the pain)
And part of me is just sad....that two people who really were best friends could somehow become just like strangers.
(The word I was looking for was estranged.)
Yup. My estranged husband....who is somehow supposed to be nothing to me now. Holy F*ck. How the f*ck did this get so messed up?
Why is this hitting me so hard?....It's been almost 6 months since the separation and I'm actually liking being single. I'd forgotten how high maintenance he was....I have so much more time for my own things now, now that I'm not always catering to him.
I know that he'll be okay (as long as they cut enough of a margin away) so it's not that...
This is so not what I had planned. I am sick of feeling so out of control and I am sick of being upbeat and coping ... rant over.
He's sick and in the hospital and my stbx-in-laws haven't even bothered to call me and let me know how he is (I thought at least his brother would call me....we've always been close.)
The day of his surgery, I saw his parents briefly as I had to pick up our pets- we share them like joint custody. His mom was nice enough to me but his dad was his usual assh*le self (no biggie...the guys a dink to all women....and has always disliked me cause I call things what they are and don't take any of his shiat).
His mom told me it was encapsulated (which is good cause I thought it was spreading already) and that the doc told her the surgery was a success. Yes, they always say that....but he still may lose his voice, or it could change....
(yikes, or he could end up like Stephen Hawking with one of those robotic voices...gawd...do they still do that?)
Anyhow, it just finally hit me this afternoon. I was wondering if I should go to the hospital for visiting hours....after all,we've been best friends for 13 years.
Then I thought....what the f*ck, you're nothing to him now, you're not a couple, you're not family, you're nothing....don't go. Just go home and get over it. Just deal. (Part of me is angry because I've had my own medical problems to deal with lately, and god knows he hasn't been there for me while I've waited 11 hours for an MRI with no meds for the pain)
And part of me is just sad....that two people who really were best friends could somehow become just like strangers.
(The word I was looking for was estranged.)
Yup. My estranged husband....who is somehow supposed to be nothing to me now. Holy F*ck. How the f*ck did this get so messed up?
Why is this hitting me so hard?....It's been almost 6 months since the separation and I'm actually liking being single. I'd forgotten how high maintenance he was....I have so much more time for my own things now, now that I'm not always catering to him.
I know that he'll be okay (as long as they cut enough of a margin away) so it's not that...
This is so not what I had planned. I am sick of feeling so out of control and I am sick of being upbeat and coping ... rant over.