Post by ionysis on Jan 17, 2008 3:25:52 GMT -5
Richard:
Positives
I love him
Amazing physical relationship (for me) (but won't sleep with me right now because he wants to have an HIV test first [note: add to negatives list!!!])
We understand each other better than anyone in the world
Generous
Kind
Loyal (except he left me...)
Sense of responsibility (except he left me...)
Never boring
Intelligent and well educated
I find him attractive
Passionate
Negatives
Has lied continually right to my face for months and I can't tell whether he is telling the truth or not even now
Tendency to nervous breakdowns
Sees women as sexual objects for sale and using
Inability to communicate
Shuts me out and refuses to let me know what is going on in his head (for years...)
If he loves me so much why did he not even remember my birthday?
I hate his family who never wanted me as part of it because I'm not of aristocratic birth
Doesn't love me the way I love him
Commitment phobic
Makes me feel like I'm not good enough
Can sleep with prostitutes - what does this say about the way he sees women and his moral values?
Unsociable
Negative
Depressive
Gambles
Unable to face up to his mistakes
Weak
Troubled family background
Trust issues
My parents and friends all hate him
Problems with working - no job has ever been right and he does them all badly
Total lack of underlying self-confidence but incredibly arrogant about himself and his deserved place in the world
Reluctant to try to address his problems
No joie de vivre
Potential STDs
Makes me feel bad about how I look
Can't join in group activities with any enjoyment
Cheated on me (stripper + emotionally, if not more, with A)
Would never have told me about A if I hadn't already known - how do I know he has told me the truth about everything now?
Can cut people off without emotion
Unstable and inconsistent
Guilt complex
Anger issues
Money worries - heavily leveraged in property investment and gambles enormous sums on the currency markets
Skinny, bald, hairy and never undertakes any personal grooming
Overly attached to his family in an unhealthy way
Hypocritical - unable to live up to his own moral standards
Has already proven himself to be undependable
Isn't happy in himself or with his life
Looking for me to rescue him?
I'm fall back / last resort?
What does he actually have to offer me?
Why am I even thinking about this. There are SO many red flags here I'd have to be a masochistic, self destructive confirmed lunatic to get back together with him.
Richard,
Just stay away from me and stop trying to ruin my life again! This isn't fair and you know it. If your life isn't worth living now and you are utterly miserable it is because you put yourself in this place - you cut off all your friends, you abandonned me because you thought there was someone better out there, you refused to get help for your problems, you refused to let me in and talk to me about what was wrong and how you felt, you abused yourself and others, you destroyed your own self-respect. I WILL NOT RESCUE YOU FROM THIS.
Only you can help yourself. I WILL NOT let you drag me into that dreadful, dark, lonely hole you have created for yourself to live in, cut off from everything I have struggled so hard to build for myself. I will not lose myself again in the torture and rapture you trapped me with last time. I have a life, friends, family, love, joy, hopes and dreams which don't depend on you. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER ME. All you can offer me is fragments of yourself - once those fragments were all I lived for but not now. Not now.
Positives
I love him
Amazing physical relationship (for me) (but won't sleep with me right now because he wants to have an HIV test first [note: add to negatives list!!!])
We understand each other better than anyone in the world
Generous
Kind
Loyal (except he left me...)
Sense of responsibility (except he left me...)
Never boring
Intelligent and well educated
I find him attractive
Passionate
Negatives
Has lied continually right to my face for months and I can't tell whether he is telling the truth or not even now
Tendency to nervous breakdowns
Sees women as sexual objects for sale and using
Inability to communicate
Shuts me out and refuses to let me know what is going on in his head (for years...)
If he loves me so much why did he not even remember my birthday?
I hate his family who never wanted me as part of it because I'm not of aristocratic birth
Doesn't love me the way I love him
Commitment phobic
Makes me feel like I'm not good enough
Can sleep with prostitutes - what does this say about the way he sees women and his moral values?
Unsociable
Negative
Depressive
Gambles
Unable to face up to his mistakes
Weak
Troubled family background
Trust issues
My parents and friends all hate him
Problems with working - no job has ever been right and he does them all badly
Total lack of underlying self-confidence but incredibly arrogant about himself and his deserved place in the world
Reluctant to try to address his problems
No joie de vivre
Potential STDs
Makes me feel bad about how I look
Can't join in group activities with any enjoyment
Cheated on me (stripper + emotionally, if not more, with A)
Would never have told me about A if I hadn't already known - how do I know he has told me the truth about everything now?
Can cut people off without emotion
Unstable and inconsistent
Guilt complex
Anger issues
Money worries - heavily leveraged in property investment and gambles enormous sums on the currency markets
Skinny, bald, hairy and never undertakes any personal grooming
Overly attached to his family in an unhealthy way
Hypocritical - unable to live up to his own moral standards
Has already proven himself to be undependable
Isn't happy in himself or with his life
Looking for me to rescue him?
I'm fall back / last resort?
What does he actually have to offer me?
Why am I even thinking about this. There are SO many red flags here I'd have to be a masochistic, self destructive confirmed lunatic to get back together with him.
Richard,
Just stay away from me and stop trying to ruin my life again! This isn't fair and you know it. If your life isn't worth living now and you are utterly miserable it is because you put yourself in this place - you cut off all your friends, you abandonned me because you thought there was someone better out there, you refused to get help for your problems, you refused to let me in and talk to me about what was wrong and how you felt, you abused yourself and others, you destroyed your own self-respect. I WILL NOT RESCUE YOU FROM THIS.
Only you can help yourself. I WILL NOT let you drag me into that dreadful, dark, lonely hole you have created for yourself to live in, cut off from everything I have struggled so hard to build for myself. I will not lose myself again in the torture and rapture you trapped me with last time. I have a life, friends, family, love, joy, hopes and dreams which don't depend on you. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER ME. All you can offer me is fragments of yourself - once those fragments were all I lived for but not now. Not now.