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Post by Phyxius on Jan 21, 2008 0:44:33 GMT -5
I have a hypothetical question... Suppose you have a secret that you know will destroy someone you care about, or cause them to turn their back on you for good. The kind of secret that could completely destroy the foundation of a fragile trust that you're trying to rebuild. Do you tell them? What if it's the kind of secret that can't help but come out eventually? Do you still try to hide it for as long as possible? Do you let this person find out on their own and then just let the chips fall where they may? What if the person has a LEGAL[/u] right to know? Is there any way that not being honest with this person that you still claim to love is a win? And before anyone starts to rip into me, I can say with complete honesty that this ain't about me...
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Post by Mod (PQ-Kermie) on Jan 21, 2008 8:46:05 GMT -5
I don't think these kinds of questions can honestly be evaluated and answered without all of the facts. Minus the facts people will give an opinion based on what they think the secret might be.. therefore you will not get a good answer for a particular instance of which you are looking for.
I think basing your judgement on those kinds of opinions are very dangerous. OMHO
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Post by cdngurl on Jan 21, 2008 8:57:36 GMT -5
I really think the truth is best in just about any scenario. When the truth eventually comes out, is there any way the person who withheld can claim to have not known? I believe this is the only "out" there is. Sounds cliche, but "honesty is the best policy"... right? Of course, I'm spinning this on a few guesses of what this scenario could be..
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Post by ionysis on Jan 21, 2008 9:26:29 GMT -5
Hmmm.
I'm a bad person to ask. I want total honesty from someone else but that is because I know I can forgive pretty much anything - really, I can.
However, I'm very bad at giving total honesty back because other people are harsher and more judgemental and less able to forgive than me.
I say keep schtum. Guilt enables you to be a better person, keeps you humble and makes you more understanding of others.
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Post by freckles on Jan 21, 2008 12:20:01 GMT -5
Dr Laura Says: Will this Information Help the Other Person ?
Is this Information : About a Crime ? Something that will Harm ?
If Not, it may be better * To never ever say a word about it. All the way to the grave.
It depends
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Post by wizer on Jan 21, 2008 12:35:33 GMT -5
If the secret is going to come out eventually, you might as well get it over with now and deal with the fallout sooner rather than later, instead of wasting weeks or months or even years, since it's going to happen anyway.
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Post by rocko on Jan 21, 2008 13:19:58 GMT -5
If someone has the urge to tell what they know, they must ask themselves
1. am I wanting to relieve myself of the guilt or burden
or
2. is this something that the other person really needs to know from ME.
I used to be a military wife. I know about many husbands cheating, my exh would tell me they were and with who. I would jsut avoid all of those people bc I could not tell and hurt the trust btwn my exh and I, but I couldn't look the other person in the eye and cope with m y own guilt.
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Post by Saucy on Jan 21, 2008 14:49:20 GMT -5
If its truth and fact, the person deserves to know. Whether or not they chose to stick around you in the end is their decision, but just know that you are better off telling them rather them finding out that YOU knew and didnt tell them. I guess it just depends on how close relations you have with this person. because if someone truly cared about me, they could tell me ANYTHING, regardless of what it may be and regardless if whether i chose to believe them or not. My husband cheated on me, and ALL of our mutual friends knew about it. They felt foolish once the truth came out (which was not from his mouth but from my own knowledge) and they all told me "It wasnt our place to tell you that". BULL SHIT. if they truly cared about me, they wouldve told me whether it would make or break me. All the wasted time thinking it was ALL ME, and the fact that I asked them, and they LIED to cover him, tells me alot about who MY true friends are.
so if this person plays a huge role in your life, i say tell them. The only thing someone going through whatever situation deserves to know is the TRUTH.
good luck.
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Post by freckles on Jan 21, 2008 14:53:19 GMT -5
What if they cant handle the Truth ? I had to say that
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Post by jules on Jan 21, 2008 15:16:37 GMT -5
I'll always maintain that honesty is best, particularly when it comes to big things. And this sounds pretty big.
The other person may hate you, but at least you'll have your integrity so you won't hate yourself.
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 21, 2008 15:48:17 GMT -5
I have a hypothetical question... Suppose you have a secret that you know will destroy someone you care about, or cause them to turn their back on you for good. The kind of secret that could completely destroy the foundation of a fragile trust that you're trying to rebuild. Do you tell them? What if it's the kind of secret that can't help but come out eventually? Do you still try to hide it for as long as possible? Do you let this person find out on their own and then just let the chips fall where they may? What if the person has a LEGAL[/u] right to know? Is there any way that not being honest with this person that you still claim to love is a win? And before anyone starts to rip into me, I can say with complete honesty that this ain't about me...[/quote] I would say that it is best to keep the secret if you think that it will wreak havoc on those who can't handle it. Keeping a secret is not the same as being untruthful. And some secrets are kept for good reason. So yes, I think that sometimes it is best to keep a secret. That said, if a secret is doing personal damage to the one keeping it, it needs to be expressed to someone unattached to the situation. Maybe a friend, maybe a couselor, maybe God.
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Post by goods on Jan 21, 2008 16:45:31 GMT -5
My hypothetical answer is.... tell the truth. It is the hidden things that ultimately destroy lives and relationships. The sun shining down on the truth is the better way.
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Post by rocko on Jan 21, 2008 16:49:18 GMT -5
Okay my exh's cousin's boyfriend was cheating on her in front of me. I wanted to say something, but was told "I told her before and she just gets mad at whoever says it and doesn't believe them". I chose to leave it alone. He was right. Dude still cheats. She knows and lies to herself.
It all really depends on the person and the situation.
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Post by RO on Jan 21, 2008 17:14:54 GMT -5
Honesty is the best policy in my book...
You have to live with the consequences and realize that most likely the messenger will get axed.
That is an unfortunate side of life. However, in my case, when I have been lied to...it makes me think twice about that person in the future...whether or not it is a lie of omission...doesn't really matter in my book.
Honesty...I have proven that I cannot be broken.
Just my two cents.
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Post by Phyxius on Jan 21, 2008 17:17:39 GMT -5
I find it interesting that everyone assumes which person I am in this scenario...
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