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Post by JimB on Jan 21, 2008 17:19:00 GMT -5
Suppose you have a secret that you know will destroy someone you care about, or cause them to turn their back on you for good. The kind of secret that could completely destroy the foundation of a fragile trust that you're trying to rebuild. Do you tell them? If it will truly destroy them, you have an obligation to keep the secret. That is acting in their best interest. If they will merely turn their back on you for good, or lose their ability to trust you, you should tell. If you keep such a secret in that case, that is placing your own self-interest above their best interest. Keeping a dire secret is a decision that must be re-made every day. One of the factors that contributes to this ongoing decision is whether the potential pain caused by revelation is intensifying or subsiding. Again, we must ask ourselves whether we are acting out of self-interest or the interests of others. Would the pain truly be worse later, or do you simply wish to relieve yourself of your burdensome secret? [/u] right to know?[/quote] The legal world and the moral one overlap only occasionally, and usually coincidentally. Yep - if you know for a fact that person is not currently equipped to deal with the truth.
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Post by RO on Jan 21, 2008 17:20:30 GMT -5
Hey,
I am not assuming nothing...
You said this wasn't/isn't about you...
I am taking it for the hypothetical like you said.
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Post by goods on Jan 21, 2008 17:22:04 GMT -5
I find it interesting that everyone assumes which person I am in this scenario... everyone but me I am just saying Grease is not the word, Truth is.
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Post by Dave on Jan 21, 2008 17:36:11 GMT -5
FWIW: I think you are both people. Twice.
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Post by Phyxius on Jan 21, 2008 18:34:21 GMT -5
Another wrinkle...
And what if you find out, after unburdening your soul, that the other person knew the truth all along?
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Post by lumpy on Jan 21, 2008 18:35:46 GMT -5
Another wrinkle... And what if you find out, after unburdening your soul, that the other person knew the truth all along? Then that is one hell of a friend.
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Post by Saucy on Jan 21, 2008 18:42:55 GMT -5
it's just life.
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Post by Kim Possible on Jan 21, 2008 20:32:48 GMT -5
I kept a secret from someone close to me for a long time (too long in my book). Everything in your hypothetical scenario could fit my secret very easily. And as Jim said, it was a secret that I felt I needed to re-keep every day. It was something that needed to come out, if we were going to go anywhere in our relationship. My biggest fears were this: that he would somehow find out on his own (or through the magic of the internet, somehow learn of it), or someone would slip (one of my family or friends). Every time he would start to ask me a question in a serious way, I would think "OMG, he knows".
I was also petrified that when I told him, he would tell me he had a feeling, or that he knew and was waiting for me to tell him.
So, as stated already, looking back on my personal experience, I'd say yes, it has to be told by the person, before it comes out in a distorted way, and the person finds them self saying "I can explain".
I do, however agree with those who say that if the person cannot handle the truth, it may be better to leave it be. But I'm thinking if the lie (or secret) is that bad, and you know the person would not be able to handle it, then this is a problem (assuming this a relationship issue and there is a choice of the person severing ties with you). For me, I guess subconsciously, I knew he'd be able to handle it, and I needed to accept the fact that if he didn't, then it wasn't meant to be.
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Post by freckles on Jan 21, 2008 23:55:46 GMT -5
we need more information
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Post by JimB on Jan 22, 2008 0:19:16 GMT -5
Goes to show ya if you hang around here long enough, you'll see everything.
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Post by Phyxius on Jan 23, 2008 22:21:15 GMT -5
Interesting replies.
OK, now let's flip the question. Suppose you're the one being lied to. Suppose that you already know about the lie, and you have a legal right to know. Do you let the other person know that they're busted? Or do you let it play out and let them hang themselves on their own dishonesty?
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Post by wizer on Jan 23, 2008 22:24:09 GMT -5
I couldn't hide the fact that I knew. It would be written all over my face and I would have to confront them about it.
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Post by Phyxius on Jan 23, 2008 22:52:47 GMT -5
I couldn't hide the fact that I knew. It would be written all over my face and I would have to confront them about it. Well, some of us have better poker faces than others...
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Post by wizer on Jan 23, 2008 22:54:30 GMT -5
I couldn't hide the fact that I knew. It would be written all over my face and I would have to confront them about it. Well, some of us have better poker faces than others... I suck at poker.
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Post by freckles on Jan 23, 2008 23:12:42 GMT -5
I think the Secret is * A Lady was Swimming in the ocean and a dolphin saved Her And now She wants to marry the Dolphin But, She is allready married to a One legged Man And you dont know if you should let the Dolphin know that
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