Spike
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Posts: 123
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Post by Spike on Mar 13, 2008 9:59:16 GMT -5
Do you believe these to be real psychological "phases"?
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Post by goods on Mar 13, 2008 10:12:37 GMT -5
I do believe they are psychological. BUT I think they can be avoided if one is vigilant, does not "coast" through life or marriage. They will not happen to me.
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Post by jules on Mar 13, 2008 10:17:32 GMT -5
Yes, I believe developmental phases and/or stages are legitimate. However I think what's more important is how they are dealt with and worked through. The results could end up being positive or negative.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 13, 2008 10:35:27 GMT -5
My friend/co-worker had one... he ended up falling in love with his wife. Big mistake, apparently, because she didn't like him all drippy on her, she was happy with the way things were. Shey
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Post by rocko on Mar 13, 2008 10:46:06 GMT -5
I dont' think it would happen so fequently if it weren't true. I do believe that it is avoidable if you are commited to your marriage and all that you promised to God.
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Spike
Full Member
Posts: 123
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Post by Spike on Mar 13, 2008 12:34:46 GMT -5
Ok, so, lets take this piece by piece. The 7 year itch. Two trains of thought here; a) most couples get married in thier early to mid 20's. All is new and fresh, the job is exciting, the out of the parents house, the sex every night, sometimes more. It's all very cool. 7 years later, you've been passed over for 2 well deserved promotions, you have 2 screaming kids, the wife stays home, the bills stack up, and sex is rare and predictable. The perfect set up for an affair, or even a change in mates. b) now said couple have split up, the one who cheated, is now married to the other person, and the betrayed has found a new mate. 7 years later, the new spouses have become as predictable as the last spouses. The kids are now out with their friends alot, and the new career is just another rut you've fallen into. The stay at home mom has taken a job, and is now getting the attention from the males at said job, and she's liking it. The career dad is hiring women based on looks and not skills, WHAMMO, more affairs, possibly splitting up again. Guess what happens, almost 33% of the time on the second split!! The original couple start dating, yep, 33% of third marriages are to the first spouse. True stat. Now, usually they don't actually get married, but, rather just cohabitate for the rest of their lives. 33%, hmmm, and you wasted the 7 to 12 years in between with someone else. BUMMER!!!
Midlife Crisis
It's not just for men. This is the couples, usually, who make it through the first 7 to 12 years intact. They will generally make it to 21, and then the trouble starts. Kids are gone, morgages are paid, and it's time for some fun. "Let's get hobbie's dear". Her hobby bores hubby, his hobby scares wifey. Now they are spending time apart, and not only apart, but with other people. So, hubby has his new hotrod, goes to the carshow, and starts getting the attention from a woman whose husband took up cooking. Wifey is bowling in a mixed league with the husband of the woman teaching cooking. Holy shit, we have us a soap opera.
Point is, these are periods in peoples lives, eras if you will, and without knowing it, anyone can fall into the affair trap. Next thread will be on what to do to avoid it.
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Post by fluffypants on Mar 13, 2008 15:29:56 GMT -5
I do believe they are psychological. BUT I think they can be avoided if one is vigilant, does not "coast" through life or marriage. They will not happen to me. Isn't this what Client#9 said? lol Dude you are 39. MLC for you is probably only a few years away.
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Post by goods on Mar 13, 2008 15:32:54 GMT -5
I do believe they are psychological. BUT I think they can be avoided if one is vigilant, does not "coast" through life or marriage. They will not happen to me. Isn't this what Client#9 said? lol Dude you are 39. MLC for you is probably only a few years away. I'll easily live till 120. And will never have the MLC, I plan on having no "crisis" in my life. Not anymore.
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Post by fluffypants on Mar 13, 2008 15:48:29 GMT -5
Isn't this what Client#9 said? lol Dude you are 39. MLC for you is probably only a few years away. I'll easily live till 120. And will never have the MLC, I plan on having no "crisis" in my life. Not anymore. Why deny it? There is nothing wrong with a mlc it happens to everyone. The key is to have a healthy mlc. Focus it on things that are harmless and things that will bring you pleasure, instead of running out and doing something harmful or stupid. Some people deal with it by getting in shape and running a marathon, getting plastic surgery, getting a wig, or partaking in activities that they remember from their youth. I turn 39 in less than a month. Instead of cheating I'll be spending my time in the garage working on the race car.
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Post by Dave on Mar 13, 2008 16:19:56 GMT -5
I am looking forward to my mid-life crisis. I wonder what crazy shit i'll do?
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Post by ionysis on Mar 13, 2008 22:50:01 GMT -5
It seems to me that mid life crises for men happen earlier these days. I have known many couples - unmarried - where the 30 something man had a total flip out, leaves the long term partner and goes majorly off the rails.
It seems that if you get married in your 20s the danger is the 7 year itch and the mlc at 45 or 50. If you remain unmarried into your 30s the men I've come across seem to have a tendancy to panic desperately at the thought that finally they may have to "settle" down and have an explosive counter reaction.
I will say that without exception in the cases I know of they come crawling back to ex-partner afterwards realising they've screwed up something good. Most are too late and spend years regretting the fact that they couldn't face real life and responsibilities and lost something very valuable because of it.
There are six friends I have had this happen to as well as my own siituation. Coincidence? Unlikely, but maybe circumstances have an effect. All of them were educated professionals and most had recently moved abroad or changed their lives in a big way.
One trend I'm seeing very much where I live is that the appeal of "settling down" and starting a family for men is no longer there. The aim seems to be to retain the life of a teenager for as long as possible - preferably into your late thirties, then get yourself a 20 something girlfriend.
Its great for me and my 30 somthing single pals out here in expat land, can you tell?
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Post by bobfromacctg on Mar 14, 2008 17:19:17 GMT -5
Its a character issue - plain and simple. Men of high character do not screw around on thier wives regardless of the situation. I was in a sex 3x a year whether I wanted to or not kind of marriage and you would never known it.
I had the opportunity but I didn't take it. Looking back I would have ended up in the same place so I'm not sure if turning it down was a good decision!! Ha.
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Post by wizer on Mar 14, 2008 17:28:30 GMT -5
I believe in the 7 year itch. My balls have been itching for at least that long.
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