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Post by finding on Mar 19, 2008 14:46:28 GMT -5
I got my ass reamed this morning by my best friend because I haven't told EG about the boys' issues yet. She told me I am purposely keeping this from him and it isn't fair to him to keep him in the dark about this.
I'm not afraid to, but for me I just don't want to add that drama and demension to things at this point. He knows they exist, and are an important part of my life, the fact I can't have more kids, what the ex did, and he has seen my daughter in passing.
I'm more than just a mom with kids with autism, and I am enjoying exploring that side of myself. At this point I don't know where things are going with EG, nor am I thinking about that. I am happy with things the way they are right now. So am I wrong by not telling him about the boys' autism?
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Post by lumpy on Mar 19, 2008 14:49:47 GMT -5
So am I wrong by not telling him about the boys' autism? Wrong is a strong word. Seeing as how it's a huge factor in your life, I'd think you'd want to share that with him before things progressed too far.
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Post by murdock on Mar 19, 2008 14:51:07 GMT -5
I think you should tell him when you are ready. But tell him before he actually meets the kids.
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Post by bobfromacctg on Mar 19, 2008 14:55:36 GMT -5
I think I would let him know simply because he will need time to process it.
The lady I am seeing, I let her know right up front that one of my children is in a wheelchair (but very independant) and is a cancer survivor. I didn't want her to be surprised.
It worked out well for me so I hope it would for you as well. If he freaks when he hears the news, it would be better to not be so invested with him - at least thats the way I looked at it.
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Post by finding on Mar 19, 2008 14:55:53 GMT -5
I think you should tell him when you are ready. But tell him before he actually meets the kids. I completely agree, but I don't see him meeting the kids for a while. I know it's going to happen sooner than I think it will, but honestly, I haven't even really thought about that.
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Post by Dave on Mar 19, 2008 14:58:36 GMT -5
are you not talking about the boys? avoiding it in any way? if now, then it is not "wrong," but if you see potential you don't want to hold back. . . invite him to an autism conference or something.
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Post by finding on Mar 19, 2008 15:06:31 GMT -5
are you not talking about the boys? avoiding it in any way? if now, then it is not "wrong," but if you see potential you don't want to hold back. . . invite him to an autism conference or something. No, I talk about them from time to time when we are together. "Oh, J did this, or that sounds like something B would do." He's heard them in the background and me interact with them when we have been on the phone, and we have joked about breaking in the new sitter.
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Post by freckles on Mar 19, 2008 15:17:10 GMT -5
I got my ass reamed this morning by my best friend because I haven't told EG about the boys' issues yet. She told me I am purposely keeping this from him and it isn't fair to him to keep him in the dark about this. I'm not afraid to, but for me I just don't want to add that drama and demension to things at this point. He knows they exist, and are an important part of my life, the fact I can't have more kids, what the ex did, and he has seen my daughter in passing. I'm more than just a mom with kids with autism, and I am enjoying exploring that side of myself. At this point I don't know where things are going with EG, nor am I thinking about that. I am happy with things the way they are right now. So am I wrong by not telling him about the boys' autism? I think You should Sue the School & the Company that make those Imunization Shots that your Kids took I would
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Post by finding on Mar 19, 2008 15:22:59 GMT -5
I got my ass reamed this morning by my best friend because I haven't told EG about the boys' issues yet. She told me I am purposely keeping this from him and it isn't fair to him to keep him in the dark about this. I'm not afraid to, but for me I just don't want to add that drama and demension to things at this point. He knows they exist, and are an important part of my life, the fact I can't have more kids, what the ex did, and he has seen my daughter in passing. I'm more than just a mom with kids with autism, and I am enjoying exploring that side of myself. At this point I don't know where things are going with EG, nor am I thinking about that. I am happy with things the way they are right now. So am I wrong by not telling him about the boys' autism? I think You should Sue the School & the Company that make those Imunization Shots that your Kids took I would I am part of the class action law suit against the pharmacutical companies for one boy. The other boy's autism was caused by a dr's negligence and trying to prove a medical malpractice suit takes money I just don't have and I would probably lose anyway as drs don't like to out other drs and would be difficult to prove.
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Post by finding on Mar 19, 2008 19:02:33 GMT -5
Ok, the consensus is that I need to tell him. I'm so going to sit and fret about this until next week and I see him again. Maybe I am being selfish, I don't want the dynamics of the way things are right now to change, and I guess a part of me is afraid this may end it.
Yeah, I know that if he bolts from this then he's not the one, blah, blah, blah, but I'm enjoying this ride the way things are right now.
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Post by murdock on Mar 19, 2008 19:05:45 GMT -5
Ok, the consensus is that I need to tell him. I'm so going to sit and fret about this until next week and I see him again. Maybe I am being selfish, I don't want the dynamics of the way things are right now to change, and I guess a part of me is afraid this may end it. Yeah, I know that if he bolts from this then he's not the one, blah, blah, blah, but I'm enjoying this ride the way things are right now. I think you owe it to yourself to have some fun.
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Post by murdock on Mar 19, 2008 19:14:16 GMT -5
What is the harm if you don't tell him. I mean he knows that you have kids.... does this mean you have to tell him that your kids have dark hair too? I don't see how this needs to be discussed so early on. Figure out if you really like him. Let him figure out if he really likes you. New love is the best feeling... it is invigorating and exciting... why ruin that. Save the serious life talks when you start talking about moving in. And their is my $0.02 for ya.
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Post by wizer on Mar 19, 2008 20:24:16 GMT -5
Here's how I look at it..
You have a "secret" that you think might scare him away. You would prefer that he is more committed to you before you spring it on him, because some guys might run for the hills. But what is fair? In a way, you are "deceiving him" by not telling him something that you know that he should know, and are stacking the deck in your favor by giving yourself something to balance out the "sururpise"..the cards being him developing feelings for you. On the other hand, if you told him right off the bat he might run because he hasn't had the opportunity to see you as being "worth" the extra responsibility and lifestyle changes that go along with adopting a woman's family along with her.
Like I said to you earlier, I dated a woman who told me on the third date that she had a double mastectomy. I stayed with her for months but I never got past it...but at least I had the option to bolt early on before things got too deep, and I respect her for telling me about it.
I say it's time.
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Post by finding on Mar 19, 2008 20:27:21 GMT -5
What is the harm if you don't tell him. I mean he knows that you have kids.... does this mean you have to tell him that your kids have dark hair too? I don't see how this needs to be discussed so early on. Figure out if you really like him. Let him figure out if he really likes you. New love is the best feeling... it is invigorating and exciting... why ruin that. Save the serious life talks when you start talking about moving in. And their is my $0.02 for ya. Holy crap, who said anything about the "L" word or moving in together? No where near ready for any of that. I just like snuggling on his couch and smelling his cologne, his snarky sense of humor, and the way he makes me laugh.
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Post by murdock on Mar 19, 2008 20:29:13 GMT -5
i know... I just meant that you could have fun now and wait to have the conversation when you start getting serious.
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