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Post by shattered on Mar 29, 2008 22:11:19 GMT -5
Dear Ojarians and Hugthatanites,
I have been reading -- for far too many hours each day -- your posts since November. It is the only way I can cope.
Super, Jules, Ionysis, goods, percy123, shey, blazinheart, Ikaris (Ojaroo), and so many more -- I have been following your stories and feeling your pain in addition to my own. I've also been feeling your caring and concern for each other.
I have been meaning to join the discussion since November when I finally stumbled across Ojar and Ojaroo after surfing the Web for over two months in search of people who might understand my pain.
I was dumped exactly six months ago by my fiance, after nearly three years together, without warning, from one minute to the next, no explanations, just that "it's too hard." He just cut me off like a moldy piece of cheese. Our wedding day was supposed to be May 31.
I"ll write details in my next post so that this one doesn't become too long. But I'm not doing well. I am absolutely among the slowest of slowest healers. I cried every single day for the first three months. Hard. I actually have new wrinkles around my eyes from all the crying that were NOT there before. It took me four months before I even started having a half-acceptable day every now and then. But at least that was something.
For the past week, I have been crying for hours a day again, and the pain is growing again. Right now, it's basically as bad as at the beginning. I guess the six-month mark is really getting to me.
No, no contact of any kind whatsoever since the moment he walked out my door.
Hasn't helped.
God, I want this to end.
Well, so I finally posted. Hello, dear fellow wounded souls.
I hope I don't sound too overly familiar, it's just that I feel like I already know you all. Maybe you'll get to know me too. (Oh, and I definitely will be asking for suggestions -- you guys have great ideas.)
Warmly,
Shattered
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Mar 29, 2008 22:18:55 GMT -5
Welcome, though I'm sorry you come to us because of a deep pain. I have spent the last 3 years or so as a part of this group, Ojar and other places this group has found themselves and I think you have come to the perfect place for support. I hope that you find many hands to help guide you, many shoulders to lean on and many candles to shine the light once again into your life. I don't have too much to offer at the moment but wanted to make sure you got a welcome. See you around.
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Post by shattered on Mar 29, 2008 22:25:56 GMT -5
Melancholygirl,
Thank you so much -- I really appreciate that.
Yes, see you around soon. ; )
Shattered
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Post by Mod (PQ-Kermie) on Mar 29, 2008 23:06:00 GMT -5
Many times you don't know how much the days have healed until you get the chance to look back upon those days.
meaning... don't look as today to be the one that healed you.. it will be a tomorrow when you look back upon this today.
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Post by finding on Mar 29, 2008 23:17:33 GMT -5
Many times you don't know how much the days have healed until you get the chance to look back upon those days. meaning... don't look as today to be the one that healed you.. it will be a tomorrow when you look back upon this today. When did you get so smart Kermie?
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super
Full Member
Posts: 122
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Post by super on Mar 29, 2008 23:58:50 GMT -5
I got the "it's too hard" line too. Now I think that I'm glad I found out what he was really like now, instead of at a crisis time. Maybe he would have walked out if I'd gotten pregnant and miscarried, or if we couldn't get pregnant, or if we'd had financial problems. Who knows? At least I got out, and you did too! though it might not feel like that now.
I think feeling better comes in small doses. I haven't had a day yet where I don't think about him/us, and I still cry often. It does get better though!
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Post by kittenhart on Mar 30, 2008 2:24:15 GMT -5
Hi Shattered, Sorry that you are here under these circumstances but hopefully you will find someone here with some advice that will comfort you. ......(racking my brain for advice to comfort you but not coming up with any thing....sorry ) I did alot of crying myself at first but then the anger kicked in. Maybe your anger will kick in soon....it's less debilitating than the tears for sure. It is good that you finally joined us to get some support. khart
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Post by ionysis on Mar 30, 2008 2:55:19 GMT -5
So glad you decided to post. It helps to just write here and let it all out - I found the unsent letters page the most therapeutic. Stick around and keep posting it's good to meet you.
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Post by goods on Mar 30, 2008 7:48:17 GMT -5
Shattered sorry that life has brought you here. For most of us "no contact" has been a godsend. I would guess that the emotions are coming back to you because May 31 is approaching. Time heals all wounds.... for some that takes more, for others less time. Try to surround yourself with family, make good choices in your life, get involved in activities.
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Post by jules on Mar 30, 2008 9:31:43 GMT -5
i'm so sorry that you're going through this pain, but i'm glad that you felt compelled to post. hopefully it has lightened your load just a bit to get it "out there" rather than carrying it all around tucked away in your heart.
i was just saying the other day to someone how this community has been amazingly helpful to me, not only by providing support, but by helping me feel less alone. i hope that it helps you to some extent as well as your heart begins to heal.
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Post by freckles on Mar 30, 2008 12:49:23 GMT -5
I will Pray for You
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Post by bobfromacctg on Mar 30, 2008 13:42:48 GMT -5
Hello Shattered and sorry you had to have need to find this place.
These breakups are horrible and I so sorry that you are having to go through this.
Day by day is how you get through this. Just look at getting through today and let tomorrow take care of itself. If you cry today, then one of these tomorrow's it will be less - I guaranteed it. How long will that take? Who knows but you will get there.
I lost a 25 year marriage three years ago and I am finally back on my feet. Its a very slow process to recover from so please give yourself time to grieve. It will slowly get better.
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Post by shattered on Mar 30, 2008 14:19:50 GMT -5
Thank you so much, all of you -- jules, super, goods, ionysis, bobfromacctg, freckles, khart, Kermie -- and of course I am very familiar with all of your names.
Finding, I am so sorry about your continuing troubles that I just read about on the other thread.
Re. anger -- that has been the most frustrating part for me: I have SO much reason to be angry. And I am. I am so angry. But it's always this debilitating anger tied to excruciating pain. It's hardly ever (maybe a few minutes here or there, literally) the healthy, distancing kind of anger that lessens the pain. I feel so incredibly hopeless.
Thank you, all of you. I admire the strength and resiliance that all of you have shown throughout your own incredibly painful journeys, and I am so sorry for your pain, too.
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Post by RO on Mar 30, 2008 17:23:45 GMT -5
Sorry that you are enduring pain right now but hope that by coming here...you will get the support that you need to carry yourself through it.
No contact was really the only way I could continue...
Sometimes when you are in the thick of the pain...it even hurts to breathe...
With time, even though everyone says it and it seems impossible and improbable...it does eventually get better.
Take care of yourself and welcome.
~RO
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Post by sheyd on Mar 30, 2008 20:33:59 GMT -5
I'm so glad you decided to post! As you do seem to know us, I am glad you are giving us the opportunity to know you. I'm sure you will find we will care about you every bit as much as each other - welcome to the family!
If you have been reading our stories, you know we have come out on the other side - even though we often believe we won't. We fall back sometimes, or find other places where the scars get tugged and more healing is needed - but it DOES get better... I am glad you are posting, though - interacting is one of the best ways to heal!
Welcome...
Shey
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