Post by ionysis on Apr 22, 2008 2:59:05 GMT -5
Hi guys,
Haven't been around much lately, sorry. Work has gone crazy because my direct boss and one of the other heads of department have resigned and I now appear to be doing 3 people's work for no extra salary or official designation I just love this place...ugh.
On the relationship side - well... all getting a bit complicated.
Things were plodding on with R. I was getting on with my life, work etc. Nothing is changed from his side. He is relaxed, quite affectionate but no emotional or physical intimacy whatsoever. Still exactly the same as before - we remain friends who cuddle and spend one night a week in the same bed.
But, the thing is, I kind of met someone else - literally just met him. But he likes me. And I think I might like him.
He is a friend of a friend and went to the same university as me (although 3 years below - he in only 27). We got chatting the weekend before last and got on really well. He was staying with one of my best friends out here and I saw him both evenings at the weekend and we really hit it off. On the last evening we shared a cab back together as my friend and I live in the same building (she'd gone home early). And when we said goodbye, he kissed me.
He told me he really liked me and wanted to see me again. Men out here don't say that. They try to get your knickers off and then never call again. ALL of them. But he said he wanted to see me again. It was so, so nice to have someone finally treat me with respect and seemingly geniune appreciation.
He is far too good to be true of course. He is a lawyer so he understands my work (this is very important to me), he went to the same college I did, he is amazingly attractive - far more so than me, totally out of my league looks-wise actually, he is from the same background as me, he is funny, clever, quick-witted, friends with my best friend and to top it all he LIKES OPERA - if I'd made a list of things that would comprise my "ideal" date he'd be all of them. What I can't figure out is why on earth he likes me. I am 3 years older than him, pretty out of shape, have plenty of emotional baggge and a schizophrenic personality whereby I feel like a super-confident capable career woman one minute and an insecure vulnerable intimacy avoidant the next.
Add to that I have an ex who I have been trying to get back together with for months with no progress and so much water under the bridge it could overpower the hoover dam.
But he wants to come over to Abu Dhabi for the weekend when I get back from Beijing and get to know me better. I'm just not sure what to do. I really like this guy - and I haven't met anyone I thought there could be the slightest potential with since I broke up with R 18 months ago. R has told me categorically that he is not ready to take our "relationship" to the next level i.e. properly get back together or be physicaly intimate and won't be for several months in his estimation.
R has also said he has no problem with me dating others and that he isn't going anywhere. He says he needs time to sort himself out and go to therapy before he can decide if he wants to properly be with me. I thought I was prepared to wait - I had no one else I was interested in anyway so what did I have to lose. But now....?
Should I just meet Matt and see what happens? Is it fair to do that when I still have R lurking in the background? What happens if I decide I like Matt and he decides he doesn't like me? I'm terrified of having my heart broken again. I'm also terrified of losing R - more in fact that I might stop loving him than anything else - I've held onto loving him for so long now I don't want to let go of it. I still don't know if he is good for me or if we can ever be happy. But we haven't been able to give it a proper go yet because he still has so many issues. Will I regret it if I don't keep waiting for him? Or will I regret more losing the opportunity of potentially finding someone else I could be happy with - someone who hasn't hurt me the way R has, maybe even someone who is healthy?
I'm so confused. I think the break when I go to China will do me good. I need to get away from everything for a while.
Haven't been around much lately, sorry. Work has gone crazy because my direct boss and one of the other heads of department have resigned and I now appear to be doing 3 people's work for no extra salary or official designation I just love this place...ugh.
On the relationship side - well... all getting a bit complicated.
Things were plodding on with R. I was getting on with my life, work etc. Nothing is changed from his side. He is relaxed, quite affectionate but no emotional or physical intimacy whatsoever. Still exactly the same as before - we remain friends who cuddle and spend one night a week in the same bed.
But, the thing is, I kind of met someone else - literally just met him. But he likes me. And I think I might like him.
He is a friend of a friend and went to the same university as me (although 3 years below - he in only 27). We got chatting the weekend before last and got on really well. He was staying with one of my best friends out here and I saw him both evenings at the weekend and we really hit it off. On the last evening we shared a cab back together as my friend and I live in the same building (she'd gone home early). And when we said goodbye, he kissed me.
He told me he really liked me and wanted to see me again. Men out here don't say that. They try to get your knickers off and then never call again. ALL of them. But he said he wanted to see me again. It was so, so nice to have someone finally treat me with respect and seemingly geniune appreciation.
He is far too good to be true of course. He is a lawyer so he understands my work (this is very important to me), he went to the same college I did, he is amazingly attractive - far more so than me, totally out of my league looks-wise actually, he is from the same background as me, he is funny, clever, quick-witted, friends with my best friend and to top it all he LIKES OPERA - if I'd made a list of things that would comprise my "ideal" date he'd be all of them. What I can't figure out is why on earth he likes me. I am 3 years older than him, pretty out of shape, have plenty of emotional baggge and a schizophrenic personality whereby I feel like a super-confident capable career woman one minute and an insecure vulnerable intimacy avoidant the next.
Add to that I have an ex who I have been trying to get back together with for months with no progress and so much water under the bridge it could overpower the hoover dam.
But he wants to come over to Abu Dhabi for the weekend when I get back from Beijing and get to know me better. I'm just not sure what to do. I really like this guy - and I haven't met anyone I thought there could be the slightest potential with since I broke up with R 18 months ago. R has told me categorically that he is not ready to take our "relationship" to the next level i.e. properly get back together or be physicaly intimate and won't be for several months in his estimation.
R has also said he has no problem with me dating others and that he isn't going anywhere. He says he needs time to sort himself out and go to therapy before he can decide if he wants to properly be with me. I thought I was prepared to wait - I had no one else I was interested in anyway so what did I have to lose. But now....?
Should I just meet Matt and see what happens? Is it fair to do that when I still have R lurking in the background? What happens if I decide I like Matt and he decides he doesn't like me? I'm terrified of having my heart broken again. I'm also terrified of losing R - more in fact that I might stop loving him than anything else - I've held onto loving him for so long now I don't want to let go of it. I still don't know if he is good for me or if we can ever be happy. But we haven't been able to give it a proper go yet because he still has so many issues. Will I regret it if I don't keep waiting for him? Or will I regret more losing the opportunity of potentially finding someone else I could be happy with - someone who hasn't hurt me the way R has, maybe even someone who is healthy?
I'm so confused. I think the break when I go to China will do me good. I need to get away from everything for a while.