Post by kittenhart on Jan 24, 2008 20:21:51 GMT -5
T,
There are things I remember vividly about you but other things are already becoming blurry...I think it's a good sign.
When I wake up each morning, I am mostly happy and looking forward to my days....the bone-numbing fatigue that has hounded me for the past 3-4 years is gone. Go figure. I hadn't even thought about it until Dr. H asked.
I am realizing how much of myself I had slowly just given up over the years, without even thinking twice about it....I was happy to be whatever you wanted. I guess it must take alot of emotional energy to perform that kind of mental rearrangement daily because I feel so much more energetic now....don't you think that's kind of sad? I realize that I had been balancing precariously on the edge of what I thought was a cliff for years, using all my strength just to hold on tight....when I should have just jumped off....
But I am reclaiming things every day. Little reminders of this trusting girl with the fearless smile...obviously some things I can't reclaim but I am going to be okay. There really is more room in a broken heart.
Sure, we can still be "friends" of a sort....we can chat now and then, but I am not going to betray myself anymore for you. What would be the point? I should never have started with that kind of giving in to you to begin with- but that was my fault and came out of my own insecurity, fears and poor judgement. It won't happen again. I like this girl with the blithe laughter and crazy ideas more than I like you....even if she is more than a little odd. And even if I do still love you.
I remain,
K.
There are things I remember vividly about you but other things are already becoming blurry...I think it's a good sign.
When I wake up each morning, I am mostly happy and looking forward to my days....the bone-numbing fatigue that has hounded me for the past 3-4 years is gone. Go figure. I hadn't even thought about it until Dr. H asked.
I am realizing how much of myself I had slowly just given up over the years, without even thinking twice about it....I was happy to be whatever you wanted. I guess it must take alot of emotional energy to perform that kind of mental rearrangement daily because I feel so much more energetic now....don't you think that's kind of sad? I realize that I had been balancing precariously on the edge of what I thought was a cliff for years, using all my strength just to hold on tight....when I should have just jumped off....
But I am reclaiming things every day. Little reminders of this trusting girl with the fearless smile...obviously some things I can't reclaim but I am going to be okay. There really is more room in a broken heart.
Sure, we can still be "friends" of a sort....we can chat now and then, but I am not going to betray myself anymore for you. What would be the point? I should never have started with that kind of giving in to you to begin with- but that was my fault and came out of my own insecurity, fears and poor judgement. It won't happen again. I like this girl with the blithe laughter and crazy ideas more than I like you....even if she is more than a little odd. And even if I do still love you.
I remain,
K.