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Post by kittenhart on Jun 10, 2008 1:25:41 GMT -5
I just flushed 20 percocet and and a bottle of codeine. It's done. I refuse to feel any more pain over this. It's done. I don't know what I will do from here on in but it is just going to have to work out.... because I am done with this I'm totally spent I cannot grieve any more I'm done. I have tried, I really did I'm done. Enough.
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Post by RO on Jun 10, 2008 7:32:47 GMT -5
k-
sending you a huge squeeze. please think about our conversation. look at how far you have come and everything you have been through this year.
you are an inspiration. you are a beautiful and amazing woman...
just think the regatta...and countdown to your brace coming off...and ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!
hugs, girlie!
~RO
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Post by goods on Jun 10, 2008 8:13:15 GMT -5
STAY STRONG KH!!! You will make it through this and you will be amazing!
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Post by kittenhart on Jun 10, 2008 10:45:27 GMT -5
Thanks guys....I'm just frustrated at myself right now. But I know everything takes time, bones don't just fuse overnight....and broken hearts don't either. How much longer am I going to feel broken? It's just getting annoying.
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Post by redskyatnight on Jun 10, 2008 10:46:37 GMT -5
When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of You might bend til you break 'cause its all you can take On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off Then You Stand!
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Post by sheyd on Jun 10, 2008 11:44:13 GMT -5
I take it the pain meds aren't needed for the surgery anymore but were being used as soul-medication? If that is the case, I am so glad you took this step! You are on the mend both physically and in your heart - your posts show it. You are facing the tough stuff, and coming out more at peace on the other side - even if you can't see it when you are in it. You have more courage than most, and you WILL see it pay off. Good luck!
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Post by RO on Jun 10, 2008 14:53:29 GMT -5
I know you feel broken and we have had lengthy talks on how we both describe it. It is hard to imagine that you will get past this feeling but you will. I know the majority of this is caused by you feeling closed in right now. You do not have the independence you seek because of your healing from surgery. You are not broken at all. If only you could see yourself how I see you...you are not broken...you are in fact incredible. You will find and experience love again and remember how wonderful it is to experience it. I hope the sun is shining and the next phase of the plan can be put into action.
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Post by kittenhart on Jun 10, 2008 15:23:03 GMT -5
Thanks RO....I just have to suck-it-up-princess for the next 5 weeks. I know I can. At least there is an end in site...for both situations (talked to a process server today). I so want this to just... be... over....already. But thanks for listening to me vent away. Thanks for the encouragement guys.
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Post by RO on Jun 10, 2008 15:26:46 GMT -5
YES, the end is in site...and than FREEDOM!!!! It is coming like the rainbow at the end of a rainstorm...it is coming... My door is always open to YOU...you know this! Hugs, girlie!
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Post by kittenhart on Jun 10, 2008 15:32:03 GMT -5
YES, the end is in site...and than FREEDOM!!!!
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Post by RO on Jun 10, 2008 15:37:11 GMT -5
;D Yes, FREEDOM.... So much fun to be had...so many memories to create...so many dreams to come true!
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Post by crushy on Jun 15, 2008 3:23:11 GMT -5
You've come so far and you've already been through the worst part of it. It's only going to get better from here on out. Like someone else said, 'You can see it in your posts.' There is an end in sight. Just think of how great you're going to feel when you can lose the collar and resume your regular life. It does take a long time for bones to heal. Please be kind to yourself like you are to everyone around you. You've been through a lot and you have a lot to be proud of. Crushy
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Post by jules on Jun 15, 2008 9:40:00 GMT -5
(i'm so sorry, i didn't see this thread earlier!) k, you are beautiful inside and out. the physical and emotional healing process is hell, and through it you've found out how amazingly strong you are, and that is a blessing. maybe we can only find out how strong we are by being broken and needing to put ourselves back together again. you are in the very mindful process of doing so. no, you will never be the same -- but better. khart 2.0.
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