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Post by shattered on Jun 19, 2008 9:18:44 GMT -5
Has anyone read "How to Fall Out of Love" by Debora Phillips? www.amazon.com/How-Fall-out-Love-Hurts/dp/0446314080It's an older book (from the 70s or 80s), and very short. I have read a gazillion self-help books on getting over a broken heart, and this is one of the most inspiring that I have read. Dr. Phillips is a behavioral therapist, and her method of falling out of love with someone is to "simply" crowd out thoughts of the person you want to forget by replacing those thoughts with pleasant unrelated thoughts. It is a "thought-stopping" technique. I put "simply" in quotes, because, as Dr. Phillips herself says, this is a very simple concept, but not easy to do. Whenever I read the book, which I have done many times, I am inspired to use this approach, and I feel hopeful, but for some reason I can never really get it to work. For me, it requires an enormous amount of mental effort that I just can't seem to muster. I still think this can work for a lot of people, and since this book is so short and cheap, you have little to lose by reading this. Or see if your library has it. I would love to know if this works for anyone!
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Post by gdgross on Jun 19, 2008 10:59:29 GMT -5
Kind of sounds like the normal way we get over anyone, just sped up.
When my ex first left, I had been with her all of my adult life. Almost all of my memories and experiences involved her in some way.
The longer she's gone, the more I have replaced those memories and experiences with new ones that don't include her.
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Post by jules on Jun 19, 2008 13:47:56 GMT -5
very nicely stated, geoff.
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Post by kittenhart on Jun 19, 2008 13:54:43 GMT -5
I think the "thought stopping" idea is definately easier stated than done, for sure. I found it was easier to just make yourself super busy, so that you literally don't have any time to think about the person, for at least a few months, until they are not part of your daily habits or routine anymore in any physical way...and then by the time you do have time to think about them again, there are alot fewer environmental cues that are going to trigger thoughts of them. You will already have memories that don't involve them, like Geoff said.
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Post by gdgross on Jun 19, 2008 18:00:26 GMT -5
very nicely stated, geoff. Thank you. Anyone see "sex & the city" yet? I just saw it on Monday and the whole Carrie in Mexico bit reminded me of just how hard it is to have any desire to get up and do stuff after you've been dumped.
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Post by jules on Jun 19, 2008 20:47:58 GMT -5
Anyone see "sex & the city" yet? I just saw it on Monday and the whole Carrie in Mexico bit reminded me of just how hard it is to have any desire to get up and do stuff after you've been dumped. and now they're going to take away your man card for admitting that. good job.
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Jun 20, 2008 8:21:08 GMT -5
Anyone see "sex & the city" yet? I just saw it on Monday and the whole Carrie in Mexico bit reminded me of just how hard it is to have any desire to get up and do stuff after you've been dumped. and now they're going to take away your man card for admitting that. good job. LMAO!! ;D
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Post by gdgross on Jun 20, 2008 12:26:29 GMT -5
and now they're going to take away your man card for admitting that. good job. ;D ;D Hey, I ain't ashamed! If it buys me any redemption, I did think it was painfully long.
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Post by jules on Jun 21, 2008 12:35:35 GMT -5
there is no redemption to be had! however, at least it wasn't a lifetime movie...
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Post by kittenhart on Jun 21, 2008 14:19:00 GMT -5
there is no redemption to be had! however, at least it wasn't a lifetime movie... true enough....chuckles
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