Post by blu on Oct 22, 2008 1:52:09 GMT -5
** sorry this turned out long
I have been dating a really nice man about 6 months. My girls 6 & 11 live with me and his kids 3 & 5 with him basically full time in both cases. (call us crazy)
I have been super careful about dating since my divorce almost 3 years ago and have only introduced one man before this to my girls. We dated for a few months before my girls met him and we spend all day Sundays and an occasional weeknight dinner all together, usually at my house as he lives an hour away but the kids spend Saturday nights at his exes here in town.
We have yet to ever stay at the others house overnight with the kids present and are trying to make sure we are modeling for our kids a good healthy relationship where we are affectionate but not inappropriate or insensitive to the children's adjustments. We are going to try a "slumber party" Halloween weekend as he is off the whole weekend.
However my oldest (11) still feels like she needs to be snotty and resistant towards him, but cannot say why...and it is completely unpredictable. My younger one often will follow this model from her sister, is shy and won't talk to him or just gets cranky because his son is a normal, healthy, loud, busy, crazy little boy and his daughter loves everything the girls have and do and wants to touch and play with everything
He is handling this well but does feel hurt they have not warmed up to him like his little ones have to me and feels frustrated when they are temperamental!
So I am trying really hard to make sure they are respectful yet I protect some privacy for them in our home, but also for he and his kids to get comfortable and enjoy being with us. I do correct them privately when they do things and have asked them to speak up and respond, apologize to him and his children etc...
Its little things like - do they have to go in our car? or why do we say their prayers at dinner? or he cannot tell us to get off the car hood etc... although he has heard me tell them to get off.
I know their dad's string of girlfriends has been hard on them and the 18 year old was down right mean, but this is a nice guy who is trying....
He tells me when things they do bother him and we talk about why I handle things the way I do and I try to incorporate his suggestions. It is hard though because his kids are so small their realization isn't there yet and they act out but are young enough it is more acceptable really. Also he has 3 older step children from his marriage and they are still very close and seem to have a great relationship and in fact spend time at my home sometimes. He says he never had issues with them but they were 5, 11 and 13 and the older ones are boys....and their parents marriage was a nightmare so he looks like a savior to them still to this day.
Part of the girls behavior is sharing me, part is a reaction to the unknown I think and part is that I think my kids are being rotten.....I know this is rambling but I don't know where to go with this....and I don't want to allow their behavior to come between us nor do I want to betray my children.....they are strong headed but very well behaved normally.....Any advice?
He will be moving closer to me (and his ex) soon and I am afraid he will decide I am not worth the trouble.....
I have been dating a really nice man about 6 months. My girls 6 & 11 live with me and his kids 3 & 5 with him basically full time in both cases. (call us crazy)
I have been super careful about dating since my divorce almost 3 years ago and have only introduced one man before this to my girls. We dated for a few months before my girls met him and we spend all day Sundays and an occasional weeknight dinner all together, usually at my house as he lives an hour away but the kids spend Saturday nights at his exes here in town.
We have yet to ever stay at the others house overnight with the kids present and are trying to make sure we are modeling for our kids a good healthy relationship where we are affectionate but not inappropriate or insensitive to the children's adjustments. We are going to try a "slumber party" Halloween weekend as he is off the whole weekend.
However my oldest (11) still feels like she needs to be snotty and resistant towards him, but cannot say why...and it is completely unpredictable. My younger one often will follow this model from her sister, is shy and won't talk to him or just gets cranky because his son is a normal, healthy, loud, busy, crazy little boy and his daughter loves everything the girls have and do and wants to touch and play with everything
He is handling this well but does feel hurt they have not warmed up to him like his little ones have to me and feels frustrated when they are temperamental!
So I am trying really hard to make sure they are respectful yet I protect some privacy for them in our home, but also for he and his kids to get comfortable and enjoy being with us. I do correct them privately when they do things and have asked them to speak up and respond, apologize to him and his children etc...
Its little things like - do they have to go in our car? or why do we say their prayers at dinner? or he cannot tell us to get off the car hood etc... although he has heard me tell them to get off.
I know their dad's string of girlfriends has been hard on them and the 18 year old was down right mean, but this is a nice guy who is trying....
He tells me when things they do bother him and we talk about why I handle things the way I do and I try to incorporate his suggestions. It is hard though because his kids are so small their realization isn't there yet and they act out but are young enough it is more acceptable really. Also he has 3 older step children from his marriage and they are still very close and seem to have a great relationship and in fact spend time at my home sometimes. He says he never had issues with them but they were 5, 11 and 13 and the older ones are boys....and their parents marriage was a nightmare so he looks like a savior to them still to this day.
Part of the girls behavior is sharing me, part is a reaction to the unknown I think and part is that I think my kids are being rotten.....I know this is rambling but I don't know where to go with this....and I don't want to allow their behavior to come between us nor do I want to betray my children.....they are strong headed but very well behaved normally.....Any advice?
He will be moving closer to me (and his ex) soon and I am afraid he will decide I am not worth the trouble.....