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Post by cdngurl on Feb 8, 2008 11:00:31 GMT -5
I have this friend who confessed to me that she and her husband are no longer intimate... and the biggest reason is that he is no longer attracted to her because of her weight. She has put on 30lbs since they first met. She still looks good IMHO - but my opinion doesn't matter obviously.. He flat out told her this - pretty much shattering her desire to initiate, and he uses porn as his outlet... My question is this - if you are no longer attracted to your partner because of their change in appearance, do you tell them? What can be done to improve things, now that this giant bomb has been dropped between them? (She is going to the gym now - but this seems more like a band-aid?) Thoughts?
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Post by freckles on Feb 8, 2008 12:10:42 GMT -5
He is not a good Person A Woman is Beautiful at Any Weight up to 300 Pounds Over 300 to 400 Pounds is a Turn Off Does She weigh that Much ? If Not He was a very Bad Choice for a Husband P.S. She Married * Shallow Hal
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JC
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Post by JC on Feb 8, 2008 12:17:33 GMT -5
why not be honest? i mean if it is something that REALLY bothers him, she should know, and do something about it.
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Post by freckles on Feb 8, 2008 12:18:37 GMT -5
why not be honest? i mean if it is something that REALLY bothers him, she should know, and do something about it. The Porn says He is Cheating on Her with Porn
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JC
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Post by JC on Feb 8, 2008 12:20:09 GMT -5
i guess it all depends on how you feel about it. i dont mind porn in my house.
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Post by freckles on Feb 8, 2008 12:21:44 GMT -5
i guess it all depends on how you feel about it. i dont mind porn in my house. If Your Lover Masterbates to Porn and Refuses to Love You You may think diffrent
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Post by jules on Feb 8, 2008 12:23:14 GMT -5
He flat out told her this - pretty much shattering her desire to initiate, and he uses porn as his outlet... I think this answers your question right there. What's her outlet? It may end up being another man who makes her feel sexy. Everyone gets older. People get fatter, balder, more wrinkled. They have medical issues that can be gross. It's all a part of life. When you marry a person you don't just marry who they are at that moment in time. It's for a lifetime and all it entails. (At least it should be. I still believe that.)
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JC
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Post by JC on Feb 8, 2008 12:23:28 GMT -5
not if i repulsed him. its one thing to go through cancer, or some disease that changes your body. another thing to have something you can change be what repulses your spouse. i mean, if he did something everyday that repulsed her, shouldnt she be able to tell him so they could work on things?
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Post by freckles on Feb 8, 2008 12:28:49 GMT -5
And if She is in a car Crash and Loses Her leg
This shows his likely Response
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JC
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Post by JC on Feb 8, 2008 12:35:07 GMT -5
doubt it. car crash isnt something you can change. you can change your weight. if she lost her leg, most likely her spouse would come to terms with it, with the weight, because it is something she can change, that is what he is probably thinking about-her changing it.
its not crass, it is just such a hot button topic.
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Post by Dave on Feb 8, 2008 12:35:15 GMT -5
the guy's a douche, no doubt. but it sounds like the weight is just how the poor communication has manifested itself.
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Post by freckles on Feb 8, 2008 12:36:09 GMT -5
doubt it. car crash isnt something you can change. you can change your weight. if she lost her leg, most likely her spouse would come to terms with it, with the weight, because it is something she can change, that is what he is probably thinking about-her changing it. its not crass, it is just such a hot button topic. Unless He is *Shallow Hal
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JC
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Post by JC on Feb 8, 2008 12:36:24 GMT -5
why is he a douche? arent there certain standards you prefer? or would it be ok for your so to stop bathing etc, and you would still be attracted to her?
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Post by sheyd on Feb 8, 2008 12:39:00 GMT -5
I think you are right, JC, in that we should talk about even the unpleasant things and try to work on them if we can. On the other side of that, though, the spouse ISN'T saying it so they can work on it together, nor is he telling her in any particularly sensitive way. He just doesn't like it so he withdrew love and affection. That to me is completely unnacceptable. If he had said, honey, I really would prefer if you lost some of the weight you have gained since our marriage, how about we go to the gym together or change the foods we keep in the house... that would be one thing. Just - hey, you repulse me since you gained weight, I would prefer jacking off to the picture of this hot woman (while you are NOT hot) to even touching you now - that is just rude. Huge difference. The guy is a jerk.
Shey
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Post by Saucy on Feb 8, 2008 12:42:21 GMT -5
yeah, i mean its one thing to say "youre fat and ugly", and its another to say "hey baby, your kinda getting thick, and it may be a problem, not to me, but to your health and appearance". So if my SO told me i was getting to be on the heavy side, i'd totally get my ass to the gym, and eliminate the bon bons immediately. And the porn, i enjoy porn, but if its to a point where the husband is totally dismissing her entirely, then i forsee a problem in the bedroom....
above all, at least he's not seeking elsewhere for intimacy. Let Hanna and Palmela do the do.
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