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Post by wizer on Mar 6, 2008 13:34:15 GMT -5
So I am off to pick up my youngest daughter in a few hours.
There are a few items I need from the house, which I could replace and buy new, but hey, they are mine, why go out and buy something when it belongs to me and I just have to go get it, right?
One item in particular is a 16 foot extension ladder. I need it to do some work on my office building. So I call the ex and tell her that when i pick up my daughter I am getting the ladder. She says, "oh no you arent, you cant take ANYTHING". I am like, WTF, its my ladder, I have barely enough possesions to fill an 800 square foot apartment, I am paying you thousands in support and you are giving me a hard time about a god damn ladder?"
My lawyer contacts me and tells me they are threatening to have me arrested if I try to take any items from the property whatsoever. So even though a lot of my property is still at the house, I have to make a list of the items I "want" and it will be presented to her attorney for "approval". Sure, they will just hand them right over...no, this will end up in front of a judge, and she could even hide or discard the items and say they never existed.
I cant even recall half of the possessions in that house because I havent been there for over a year. A lot of stuff accumulates during an 18 year marriage, and I am legally entitled to half of it.
This is beyond ludicrous.
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Post by murdock on Mar 6, 2008 13:40:19 GMT -5
There is a law call tresspass to chatles. It is taking over ones property so as to make it your own and this includes discarding or destroying property. I would make the list and if she gets rid of the shit the judge will hopefully see through her bull shit. This is sad. She must be really hurting inside. Hopefully one day she will let all her anger go.
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Post by redskyatnight on Mar 6, 2008 13:48:07 GMT -5
I feel for you. My ex is exactly the same way. Your stuff will probably become part of the property settlement and you won't see it until then. Start your list now and add to it as you remember things. It shouldn't be this way, but it is.
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Post by finding on Mar 6, 2008 13:54:48 GMT -5
My ex did the same thing. He went so far as to come into the house and take things. There were only a few items I asked for in the divorce and seeing as how he didn't contest things he ended up getting his ass handed to him when he took me to court to get back his belongings. As I discovered items missing I made a list and handed it to the judge along with the list that was a part of the divorce settlement.
It's a long process, but if the judge sees through her bs you should be ok.
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Post by wizer on Mar 6, 2008 13:56:21 GMT -5
I need to get into the house so I can see what I even want. A lot of stuff accumulates during an 18 year marriage. She will fight for every damn thing.
I dont put it past her to hide stuff, and deny it ever existed.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 6, 2008 14:02:25 GMT -5
Ask your lawyer about getting into the house. I believe you can do it, possibly accompanied by the police to assure you don't take anything, but are just making a list. I would also ask your lawyer about the possibility of making sure the kids aren't there - you can use her words to do this because she said your daughter has requested to not see you.
Shey
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Post by murdock on Mar 6, 2008 14:03:07 GMT -5
My family law experience is very minimal. Isn't there some kind of assessment of the assests before they are divided? Mabe you should talk to your attorney and see if there is some sort of appraisal company you can have go to the house and document everything before she can destroy stuff. We used to do this in probate, but the people who's stuff were were appraising were deceased.
shey:
he can do that, but the cops won't let her remove anything that is disputed. Then you can be sure the stuff will be destroyed.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 6, 2008 14:05:01 GMT -5
Oh- and take pics if you can, so she can't break the stuff you want.
However, I do want to point out another side to this... I suspect, even with what you are paying, you can afford a new ladder, etc? It is worth it to create this war over money? If you were hungry in a gutter, that would be one thing, but you are NOT. If she wants to be petty over petty things, let her, you don't have to go there. Sentimental things, irreplaceable things - sure! But a ladder?
Shey
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Post by murdock on Mar 6, 2008 14:11:44 GMT -5
I think it isn't the "stuff" that is the issue here. It is lack of common decency. Idoc sees that he is paying her $$$$ and she doesn't have the common courtesy to allow him to use something that is his. It really sounds like her attorneys are adding to this situation, they are the ones that are probably telling her what and what not to do. I would just let it go. Even if it is hard. When my father and mother divorced my dad gave my mom everything in the house except his car and his clothes. He didn't want us to have to see them fight anymore. I have a lot of respect for him for that.
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Post by wizer on Mar 6, 2008 14:32:30 GMT -5
Yes, its not the money, or even the items for the most part. It's the aggravation, the hostility...the incredible waste of money in legal fees. I realize my post above was a repeat of what I wrote in the first post but I am wound up and my mind is racing.
Yes, I will try to arrange a walk through so we can prepare a list of items and at least have something to present to the judge and hopefully protect whatever possessions are still in the house and have not been hidden away or stored elsewhere.
I have to think of it as I am starting a new life, and I will have a few items from my past to move ahead with and everything else I will just let go. Its like my house burned to the ground with all my things in it and I have to rebuild from scratch.
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Post by wizer on Mar 6, 2008 14:34:46 GMT -5
Of course I can buy a new ladder. The phone calls and letters generated as a result of this "incident" will generate legal fees equal to 3 or 4 ladders. The ladder itself isnt of any great value, its just that its there, it would have been easy to get it, and I did not expect this "onslaught" even though up until now its been anything but reasonable in regard to my dealings with her.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 6, 2008 14:35:13 GMT -5
Exactly! If you think of it that way, why even have a walk-through? If you have forgotten about it, it probably didn't hold sentimental value, and you can get all new things when and as you need them - without all the clutter until then. Let her have the old used stuff. Don't let her hostility make YOU hostile! Stuff is stuff, at least you get to see your younger daughter now!
Shey
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Post by wizer on Mar 6, 2008 14:42:04 GMT -5
Exactly! If you think of it that way, why even have a walk-through? If you have forgotten about it, it probably didn't hold sentimental value, and you can get all new things when and as you need them - without all the clutter until then. Let her have the old used stuff. Don't let her hostility make YOU hostile! Stuff is stuff, at least you get to see your younger daughter now! Shey You make perfect sense as usual Sheyd. Part of me agrees and understands, part of me says, heck, at some point I am going to get myself a new place, and it will need to be furnished, and half of those decorations and furniture is MINE and why should I just hand them over. I know I have to pick my battles and screw the ladder, but I dont think I can let half of the marital household possessions go just like that. I wish I could. Maybe I can change my mindset. Your post helps, along with Murdocks, who said the father just said "here take it". I am so torn.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 6, 2008 14:51:08 GMT -5
You know, each place you get is individual - like how much space is there under the windowsill... Wouldn't it be nicer to get all new things? Plus, you could involve your daughter buying new things, make it special, make it nice for her - make it your OWN style... Why would you want stuff that has been hanging there, and take it away from where your daughters are all the time? The daughter that already has issues will just add it to the list of things "you have done". It isn't worth the fighting, honestly. It isn't giving anything to her - it is taking back your own time and space.
Shey
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Post by murdock on Mar 6, 2008 14:54:41 GMT -5
I COMPLETELY agree with shey on this. I know it is hard to swallow your pride and say "here, walk all over me and keep taking from me when all I do is give and give." But, I would look at this as an opportunity to look her in the eyes and say "you can have it because I just don't want to fight about it." Besides, do you really want to go into this new stage of your life dragging with you all the old stuff from what went wrong? New stuff = new attitude. Go have fun with your kid.... go to Z gallery and go crazy!!!!
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