Post by super on Mar 20, 2008 11:53:58 GMT -5
Well, I haven't posted on here in quite awhile so here is my update. It's been five months since the official break up and three months since the last contact.
I realized yesterday that my life is so much better without him. I knew it before, but yesterday I felt it. I'm realizing how wrong so many aspects of our relationship were. I've realized some of the things that I need to learn and not repeat. There are large blocks of time where I don't think of him at all, or just abstractly. I think he will always be present in some ways because 10 years of doing everything together means he is a large part of my past.
At the same time I feel like there's a big anger in me that I'm not sure how to get rid of. I never released any of it on him. I didn't yell at him or attack him once during the whole two months of breaking up. Now I really wish I could say some of the things I felt. I wish I could be honest that I had wanted out for ages, that he didn't treat me well, that he never supported me. I want to tell him what a coward he is for cheating on me and telling me about it, then stringing me along for two months while dating someone else. He never knew I found out about that.
I am angry because he never really broke up with me. Just maintained that he didn't know what he wanted and couldn't ask me to wait. Said that he didn't know if he could live without me and might call begging for me to take him back in two months.
On the one hand, I can't bear to think about the fact that we'll never speak or see each other again. I feel a lot of love and compassion for him. On the other hand, I'm angry. I want to call him and start messing with him. I want to make his life miserable. I won't though. I can't handle any contact with him, but I really want to.
Aaahh, it feels good to get that out!
I realized yesterday that my life is so much better without him. I knew it before, but yesterday I felt it. I'm realizing how wrong so many aspects of our relationship were. I've realized some of the things that I need to learn and not repeat. There are large blocks of time where I don't think of him at all, or just abstractly. I think he will always be present in some ways because 10 years of doing everything together means he is a large part of my past.
At the same time I feel like there's a big anger in me that I'm not sure how to get rid of. I never released any of it on him. I didn't yell at him or attack him once during the whole two months of breaking up. Now I really wish I could say some of the things I felt. I wish I could be honest that I had wanted out for ages, that he didn't treat me well, that he never supported me. I want to tell him what a coward he is for cheating on me and telling me about it, then stringing me along for two months while dating someone else. He never knew I found out about that.
I am angry because he never really broke up with me. Just maintained that he didn't know what he wanted and couldn't ask me to wait. Said that he didn't know if he could live without me and might call begging for me to take him back in two months.
On the one hand, I can't bear to think about the fact that we'll never speak or see each other again. I feel a lot of love and compassion for him. On the other hand, I'm angry. I want to call him and start messing with him. I want to make his life miserable. I won't though. I can't handle any contact with him, but I really want to.
Aaahh, it feels good to get that out!