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JFC
Mar 20, 2008 23:54:52 GMT -5
Post by finding on Mar 20, 2008 23:54:52 GMT -5
I just got off the phone with my mom. My daughter has had a bit of a rough night again. I know she misses her dad, especially when she is away from home.
She brought Robbie up and how we are all hurting because of his death and how her and my dad still miss him. It will be 4 years this September since we first separated, and almost two years since the reconsiliation ended and they still have not accepted the fact that our marraige was over when he died.
I have grieved the loss of my children's father (though that part does still get to me from time to time, and always will) and the loss of possible future redemption. My biggest regrets are the things I said to him the last time I saw him, and I have to live with those words haunting me forever, but I have started to rebuild my life for better or worse I am moving forward.
I have been living in this void for way to long, and can finally see that it isn't doing any of us any good. The marraige was over for a very long time, and they know the horrible things he did to me, why on earth do they expect me to hang onto a fabrication of who he was and why would she say that she hoped we could get past what had happened and gotten back together?
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JFC
Mar 21, 2008 10:57:29 GMT -5
Post by sheyd on Mar 21, 2008 10:57:29 GMT -5
For them it wasn't a fabrication... they didn't live it, and they were also brainwashed by him a bit. Plus, most people DO have a rosier version of someone in their heads after they die - particularly when it was tragically. They won't ever see him the way you do you, and that may not be a bad thing. Let them have a rosy view, it makes it easier for them, and maybe your kids, too. They will stop bothering you about it, and you already know you have the right and ability to see things differently (And dare I say clearer) than they do. At least you ARE moving on, and seeing clearer, and healing your own way!
Shey
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ladyj
New Member
Posts: 7
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JFC
Mar 21, 2008 10:59:40 GMT -5
Post by ladyj on Mar 21, 2008 10:59:40 GMT -5
Let them have a rosy view, it makes it easier for them, and maybe your kids, too.
I totally agree with this. After my father died my mother chose to defame my father to me. Her words ring in my ears now. I did not need to know everything. She could of just let me have my own memories of him.
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JFC
Mar 21, 2008 11:25:48 GMT -5
Post by finding on Mar 21, 2008 11:25:48 GMT -5
Let them have a rosy view, it makes it easier for them, and maybe your kids, too.I totally agree with this. After my father died my mother chose to defame my father to me. Her words ring in my ears now. I did not need to know everything. She could of just let me have my own memories of him. I keep my personal opinion of him to myself, but from time to time R brings up some of the things he did. She is old enough and aware of too many things that happened as she witnessed many of the things. No matter how I feel, I want all of the kids to hold on to the good times and who he used to be, not the monster he was at the end.
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