to my attorney

[jules]

thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for being such a bitch. that email you just sent my ex would have me scared shitless. THANK YOU for calling him out on his bullshit and his probably fixing the lease because he doesn't want me to know he's living with her. THANK YOU for referring to the OW by name and pointing out their joint bank account. THANK YOU for mentioning insurances. if that email were to me i'd be in full panic mode. at the very least i hope it makes him squirm. especially when he sees that i was cc'ed.

i know i've been not the model client for the past few months as i've been working on getting my head together. thank you for being patient with me, and taking care of all of the legal bullshit. you may charge an arm and a leg, but you've been worth every penny.

[RO]

That is so awesome, jules!

Finally!!!!

Good news!

[murdock]

I love it when attorneys do a good job.

[midge]

i had one of those letters in my own divorce. we were both living in the same house and i received my copy from my attorney on the same day he received his from his attorney. my knees turned to jello as i read it and i broke out into truly hysterical laughter. it made note of his stepsister/girlfriend. it was a no fault divorce and it didn't matter if she existed or not, making mention of her was only to embarrass him (well deserved after he took all the money and refused to pay bills- i believe the letter was in connection to a motion compelling him to pay the bills pending the resolution of the case).

my attorney was a sarcastic asshole who scared the shit out of me- and that is why i retained him! he did an awesome job.

good luck getting through this. it will get better when it is over- this is the hard part!

[lumpy]

[quote author=poppy board=letters thread=1043 post=21190 time=1206395118
my attorney was a sarcastic asshole who scared the shit out of me- and that is why i retained him! he did an awesome job.

[/quote]



Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like my client slips and falls on a sidewalk in front of a public library, then he is entitled to no less than two million in compensatory damages, and two million in punitive damages. Thank you.

Judge: The jury will now retire to deliberate.

Jury Foreman: [ standing ] Your Honor.. we don't need to retire. Cirroc's words are just as true now as they were in his time. We give him the full amount.

[ the jury applauds Cirroc ]

Judge: Did you hear that, Mr. Cirroc?

Cirroc: [ cell phone to his ear ] Hang on a second.. [ to the judge ] I-I'm sorry, your Honor. I was listening to the magic voices coming out of this strange modern invention! [ smiles maliciously to the camera ]