Post by warewa on Dec 28, 2007 12:57:06 GMT -5
Here is the letter I wrote AND sent to my spouse. Names removed of course.
Dear N,
I know you are hurting. I know you need space. I know you can only think about taking care of yourself at this moment and nothing else. You feel numb and dead inside. You just want to be by yourself and not have to deal with all the fighting anymore. You don’t feel like you can trust anyone and that you need healing before you can be anything to anyone.
I know all this because I feel the exact same way. I am hurting and cannot trust anyone at this moment. No one ever wants a failed marriage, and my pain is caused by the fact that I truly care about you at the deepest level. I’m sorry for everything I ever said or did to you or the children. I hope you can forgive me just as I must forgive you for any resentments I hold against you. I bear the burden of having to live with the guilt from my past sins, so it is hard to act like certain things never happened. We both need time to heal.
No matter what you say to me, I firmly believe you are having an affair...deny it all you want It is always the same pattern. First the girl and guy start talking and become “friends”. Then the girl starts to get emotionally attached to that person and starts to find them attractive. The girl wants to feel loved and here comes a guy who is saying the things her husband never did. Then the affair starts. It’s always the same pattern. And the guy is more than happy to be the willing recipient of a married woman’s affections. That’s because men are basically dogs and only want one thing (sex) when they are running the single roads.
Men can pretend to be a friend to a beautiful woman, but they will always go for it if they feel there is a chance they can get in her pants. Why do you think M always has to push her male friends back, even after she has already told them where she stands?
That only leads to disaster because men will always want more than a friendship if they can get it. I believe you started to enjoy the attention and the come-ons by guys because it made you feel good about yourself. You were already hurting from years of repressed low self-esteem caused by your Mom, your ex, and myself. Therefore, it was expected that you would start to enjoy that lifestyle and want more of it. It allowed you to feel wanted and have friends and not think about all the problems in life with your husband, children, and work.
Of all the issues we have had, this year has been the worst. From my perspective, it is mainly because of the lifestyle you were exposed to and the resentment I then held against you for it. Mainly because we were unhappy in our relationship, I hated that you were going out with your new single friends, because I knew men would find you attractive and it was only a matter of time before you found someone else.
Yes, I’ve been a terrible husband. Yes, I wish I could do it all over. Yes, you were the center of my life while we were dating. Yes, we were friends and had much in common. Yes, I failed to be the man and husband that I should have been to you and you so deserve. Yes, you were the punching bag for a lot of my past baggage that I brought into the marriage. I’m truly sorry that I couldn’t handle the issues with your ex and the kids as they were in those pre-adolescent years.
It’s so sad to look back and think of what this relationship could have been like. We are two beautiful people that everyone always said made a great-looking couple. It’s sad that Satan took those 4 years and made a wreck of two Godly people. I wish I knew why God allowed that.
I have never felt used by you, financially or otherwise. It is just something I have said before out of spite. It was meant to be a verbal barb to make me feel better by projecting the blame on you. Please forgive me for that and any verbal abuse you feel I heaped on you. Please, Please forgive me.
I will always love and care about you and will be here if ever you need anything. It’s going to take me a long time to heal from all of this. It’s going to take me a long time to get over the adultery issue and learn to trust again. Sometimes you have to tear something down in order to build it back up again. Maybe that is what God is doing here. I don’t know what the future holds in store for us. I just know that I will always and foremost be your friend.
When everyone else abandons you, I promise I will always be there for you. God has put it in my heart to care for you and want to be there if ever you need me. You deserve to be happy and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that happens…even if it means letting you go.
God Bless You.
Love,
Your soon to be ex husband
Dear N,
I know you are hurting. I know you need space. I know you can only think about taking care of yourself at this moment and nothing else. You feel numb and dead inside. You just want to be by yourself and not have to deal with all the fighting anymore. You don’t feel like you can trust anyone and that you need healing before you can be anything to anyone.
I know all this because I feel the exact same way. I am hurting and cannot trust anyone at this moment. No one ever wants a failed marriage, and my pain is caused by the fact that I truly care about you at the deepest level. I’m sorry for everything I ever said or did to you or the children. I hope you can forgive me just as I must forgive you for any resentments I hold against you. I bear the burden of having to live with the guilt from my past sins, so it is hard to act like certain things never happened. We both need time to heal.
No matter what you say to me, I firmly believe you are having an affair...deny it all you want It is always the same pattern. First the girl and guy start talking and become “friends”. Then the girl starts to get emotionally attached to that person and starts to find them attractive. The girl wants to feel loved and here comes a guy who is saying the things her husband never did. Then the affair starts. It’s always the same pattern. And the guy is more than happy to be the willing recipient of a married woman’s affections. That’s because men are basically dogs and only want one thing (sex) when they are running the single roads.
Men can pretend to be a friend to a beautiful woman, but they will always go for it if they feel there is a chance they can get in her pants. Why do you think M always has to push her male friends back, even after she has already told them where she stands?
That only leads to disaster because men will always want more than a friendship if they can get it. I believe you started to enjoy the attention and the come-ons by guys because it made you feel good about yourself. You were already hurting from years of repressed low self-esteem caused by your Mom, your ex, and myself. Therefore, it was expected that you would start to enjoy that lifestyle and want more of it. It allowed you to feel wanted and have friends and not think about all the problems in life with your husband, children, and work.
Of all the issues we have had, this year has been the worst. From my perspective, it is mainly because of the lifestyle you were exposed to and the resentment I then held against you for it. Mainly because we were unhappy in our relationship, I hated that you were going out with your new single friends, because I knew men would find you attractive and it was only a matter of time before you found someone else.
Yes, I’ve been a terrible husband. Yes, I wish I could do it all over. Yes, you were the center of my life while we were dating. Yes, we were friends and had much in common. Yes, I failed to be the man and husband that I should have been to you and you so deserve. Yes, you were the punching bag for a lot of my past baggage that I brought into the marriage. I’m truly sorry that I couldn’t handle the issues with your ex and the kids as they were in those pre-adolescent years.
It’s so sad to look back and think of what this relationship could have been like. We are two beautiful people that everyone always said made a great-looking couple. It’s sad that Satan took those 4 years and made a wreck of two Godly people. I wish I knew why God allowed that.
I have never felt used by you, financially or otherwise. It is just something I have said before out of spite. It was meant to be a verbal barb to make me feel better by projecting the blame on you. Please forgive me for that and any verbal abuse you feel I heaped on you. Please, Please forgive me.
I will always love and care about you and will be here if ever you need anything. It’s going to take me a long time to heal from all of this. It’s going to take me a long time to get over the adultery issue and learn to trust again. Sometimes you have to tear something down in order to build it back up again. Maybe that is what God is doing here. I don’t know what the future holds in store for us. I just know that I will always and foremost be your friend.
When everyone else abandons you, I promise I will always be there for you. God has put it in my heart to care for you and want to be there if ever you need me. You deserve to be happy and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that happens…even if it means letting you go.
God Bless You.
Love,
Your soon to be ex husband