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Post by ionysis on Mar 31, 2008 9:08:55 GMT -5
I feel like I am starving. Sometimes when I go to bed at night I so crave the feeling of having someone touch me, stroke me, kiss me, want me; of feeling someone pull me close to them, the strength of their arms, the touch of their lips, the feel of their heart; knowing someone is so close to you they are inside your very skin, melting into each other, knowing with utter certainty that they feel just what you feel at that same moment. I miss pressing my forehead against someone else’s, closing my eyes and feeling the warmth of their breath. I miss feeling my fingers entwined with theirs, the soft brush of their thumb on the back of my hand, the feather light trailing of fingertips over the curve of my hip. I miss the weight of somebody’s body, the shiver when someone kisses the soft hollow at the side of your neck where you can feel the pulse fluttering beneath the skin. I miss the liquid look in the eyes of someone who loves you and the sweetness of their smile when you wake next to them in the morning. I just wish I could believe that one day there could be an end to this famine of the soul.
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Post by goods on Mar 31, 2008 9:27:57 GMT -5
The Ion we know is a wonderful beautiful brilliant woman, one day you will have that someone.... till then do not make the mistake of filling the emptiness you feel with someone who will only drag you down, someone broken.
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Post by jules on Mar 31, 2008 10:56:39 GMT -5
yeah... but... as much as i miss it, the thought of getting that intimate with anyone ever again really scares me. can't have it both ways, i guess.  |
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Post by JimB on Mar 31, 2008 15:00:41 GMT -5
Food for the soul takes many forms - the love of a partner is only one of them.
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Post by ionysis on Mar 31, 2008 16:16:28 GMT -5
I'm thinking there MIGHT also be a deficiency of corporeal satiation as well as soul sustenance... Damn it's been a long time  |
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Post by Phoenixx on Mar 31, 2008 21:36:40 GMT -5
I feel like I am starving. Sometimes when I go to bed at night I so crave the feeling of having someone touch me, stroke me, kiss me, want me; of feeling someone pull me close to them, the strength of their arms, the touch of their lips, the feel of their heart; knowing someone is so close to you they are inside your very skin, melting into each other, knowing with utter certainty that they feel just what you feel at that same moment. I miss pressing my forehead against someone else’s, closing my eyes and feeling the warmth of their breath. I miss feeling my fingers entwined with theirs, the soft brush of their thumb on the back of my hand, the feather light trailing of fingertips over the curve of my hip. I miss the weight of somebody’s body, the shiver when someone kisses the soft hollow at the side of your neck where you can feel the pulse fluttering beneath the skin. I miss the liquid look in the eyes of someone who loves you and the sweetness of their smile when you wake next to them in the morning. I just wish I could believe that one day there could be an end to this famine of the soul. Oh...how i miss that too...  |
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Post by gdgross on Apr 1, 2008 17:27:31 GMT -5
Oh...how i miss that too... Me too - but from the guy's perspective. It seems that it's a catch 22 for me. Now that I am more or less emotionally back to normal, and actually seeking a relationship, I can't seem to find someone with which to have this relationship. I've been out on one or more dates with probably ten different girls in the last year and a half, and had a couple of short term relationships. Objectively, almost all of them were smart and attractive and seemed to be a good match, and yet in only one case was I really ga-ga over her. The most recent girl I dated, we broke up because i just wasn't that excited about her. But I think maybe I should have been; she had most of the stuff that I think is important to me. I have no idea What the hell?!?  I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to find someone who excites me again. Or perhaps I'm broken beyond repair. I certainly hope not. But goods has some sage advice. I too, am not going to fill the emptiness with someone who doesn't do it for me. |
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Post by shattered on Apr 1, 2008 21:54:14 GMT -5
ionysis,
That is EXACTLY how I feel.
Combined with the pain still feeling so fresh, I can't even bear to see myself in the mirror in my underwear, because I'll think of how he'd always tell me how good my bra looks on me, how cute my undies are or how I'd take them off and toss them at him and various little routines the details of which I'll spare you.
I can't stand to see myself naked, because I'll think how nice my boobs look and how he'll never touch them again, and wondering if anyone ever will again.
(Off-hand comments by some of my guy friends about going out and having a one-night stand aren't helpful -- obviously I'm talking about all this stuff in a love & relationship context.)
I"ve even been wearing my hair up for six entire months because when it's open I'm reminded of how he'd say how much he loves my hair (which was really special, since I have this wavy, sometimes curly, sometimes frizzy, sometimes poofy hair that doesn't seem to appeal to many other guys).
I miss all the intimacies with him soooo much, and I just can't believe he was able to just throw it all away.
-----
gdgross,
No, of course you "should" NOT have been excited about someone you're not excited about. I know what you're saying, but obviously genuine excitement is either there or it's not. It can grow, but if it doesn't grow, it can't be forced, and you can't reason your way to excitement.
I, too, fear that I might be broken beyond repair, but, despite my current despair, that is one thing I am not going to allow myself to believe. And you can't either.
(What I'm more scared of is that no one is going to be excited about me again! You don't seem to have that problem so much, it seems like a lot of nice women were interested in you.)
I don't think it's possible to be incapable of feeling excitement for another person again. I think it can take a long long time, and maybe you aren't ready yet, or, and I think this is more the case, all those nice women you've met have been nice women, but that doesn't mean they have to be right for you.
Don't give up.
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Post by J (Hot Mess) on Apr 7, 2008 12:23:15 GMT -5
Gosh Ion...how you can write what so many of us feel. Its a gift. Sometimes I wonder how I can even stand it. Its changed me. I cry a lot and feel broken. I cant remember the last time he did something like that because he was the last one who loved me. I wish I could remember and I wish I knew it was going to be the last time. It kills me that I cant remember. And I cant remember the last time I was even touched by somebody who loved me.
Something in my gut tells me you will have it again. You have a full life and you have conviction. I feel like I will forever be the walking wounded. But you.......I see it in your future. I hope it for you too.
This post really resonates with me. Thanks for writing this.
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super
Full Member
Posts: 122
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Post by super on Apr 7, 2008 18:31:14 GMT -5
...knowing with utter certainty that they feel just what you feel at that same moment...I miss the liquid look in the eyes of someone who loves you and the sweetness of their smile when you wake next to them in the morning. This is what I most miss. I'm with someone very casually right now, and it's nice to wake up with him. It's not that same feeling of completeness though. I think that feeling takes time, but even the initial opened heart, unguarded infatuation stage is missing. I wonder if I'll ever be able to have that openness again |
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Post by ionysis on Apr 8, 2008 0:58:55 GMT -5
I think in some ways being without this, for a while at least, is a good thing - trying to look on the bright side.
1. It will makes you apprciate it so much more when that feeling does come along again - and I think we all HAVE to believe that it will - life would just be too miserable for words if we couldn't hope for that.
2. It makes you realise that being loved and made love to isn't actually as vital to your survival as air or water or food despite what we may think at the time. Yes, life feels like it is missing something when you don't have it but it IS possible to go on, exist, live and even be happy without it.
3. It makes you more careful about who you choose to spend your time with and give yourself to. Once you've felt that closeness and been without it for so long that it feels like a black hole inside you you realise that substitutes just aren't enough and in fact make you feel worse about yourself. When we feel that longing for true intimacy and love it is because we aren't self-medicating with plecebos (one night stands or casual flings). Better to feel that longing than a sense of mild self-disgust or the jaded cynicism which seems to rub off on you when you accept less than you know you deserve.
I still feel that longing often but now I am trying my best to view it as anticipation of something beautiful to come rather than mourning something lost. I'm so impatient to be able to feel that again but perhaps in some ways we are lucky - sometimes delaying the pleasure can make it that much sweeter when it finally arrives. I SO hope so anyway!
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Post by freckles on Apr 8, 2008 11:52:14 GMT -5
Gosh Ion...how you can write what so many of us feel. Its a gift. Sometimes I wonder how I can even stand it. Its changed me. I cry a lot and feel broken. I cant remember the last time he did something like that because he was the last one who loved me. I wish I could remember and I wish I knew it was going to be the last time. It kills me that I cant remember. And I cant remember the last time I was even touched by somebody who loved me. Something in my gut tells me you will have it again. You have a full life and you have conviction. I feel like I will forever be the walking wounded. But you.......I see it in your future. I hope it for you too. This post really resonates with me. Thanks for writing this. If you lived closer I would Hug you  |
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Post by kittenhart on Apr 9, 2008 0:43:29 GMT -5
The lack of human touch (for those of us without children to hug) is kindof brutal, to be truthful....but there is something so pointless about a one night stand that's it's worse really. Be strong, hun.
I'll echo Freckles.....and extend a virtual hug....for what it's worth.
((((((E)))))))
ps. I read on another thread you were considering a blind date.....how come not more than just considering it? Seriously?
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Post by ionysis on Apr 9, 2008 2:32:06 GMT -5
I don't know. It seems kind of wrong when R and I are seeing each other....
But then another part of me thinks, its only a drink with a friend of a friend. And R and I are not sleeping together, we don't even kiss passionately.
I don't know...
Also is it fair to someone else to have anything even resembling a "date" when I'm still considering getting back with my ex?
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Post by sheyd on Apr 9, 2008 9:05:09 GMT -5
Why wouldn't it be? If you were completely together, you might want to ask your partner if it would be ok to spend time with someone, and you wouldn't be interested in "more", but what is wrong with meeting someone? Most blind dates end up as friendships at most. It can't hurt anything. Also - if it DID end up having chemistry, making you happy - you AREN'T together with your ex, so there would be nothing wrong with that. Better to keep your options open, I think?
Shey
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I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to find someone who excites me again. Or perhaps I'm broken beyond repair. I certainly hope not.
