super
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Posts: 122
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Post by super on Apr 14, 2008 13:46:15 GMT -5
I am so jealous that he has someone and I don't.
I'm so angry that he left and immediately found happiness.
I'm so afraid that I'll never find anybody.
I don't know who I am or what I want.
I'm afraid that all this sadness has nothing to do with him.
I didn't think that my life would turn out this way.
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Post by jules on Apr 14, 2008 14:10:03 GMT -5
for what it's worth, i listened, and can only respond with a "HELL YES!" and virtual hugs for you...  |
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Post by Phyxius on Apr 14, 2008 18:30:39 GMT -5
For what it's worth II...  After being alone for six years, sometimes love has a way of grabbing you by the ass when you least expect it. Don't look for it - it'll find you when you least expect it...  |
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Post by sheyd on Apr 14, 2008 20:48:25 GMT -5
I am so jealous that he has someone and I don't. So totally normal. Just realize that if you had what you are jealous of, you probably wouldn't be happy. It never is as lovely as people make it seem. I'm so angry that he left and immediately found happiness. You could find "happiness" in some horrible mind-altering drug, too. It wouldn't be reality, it wouldn't be long-lasting, it wouldn't be healthy. In the long run, you need to take care of yourself, not compare where you are to where you imagine he is. From one IN a relatively happy relationship - it is not a world full of ponies that eat rainbows and poop butterflies. "Having someone" may "solve" some problems, but it creates others. And that is a GOOD HEALTHY relationship. What about those that are NOT good and healthy? I'm so afraid that I'll never find anybody. You will, when the time is right - when YOU are right - and you won't be just settling for whomever, either. And when you do - again, not all ponies. As hard as it is now, enjoy the freedoms you have while you have them. I don't know who I am or what I want. This one bothers me... Are you working on figuring this out? Are you exploring your options, pushing your envelope, dreaming new dreams to check them out? What are you doing to figure this one out? It is hard to feel productive and work toward a goal if you don't have any. Even if the goals are small - find something, work toward it, and use that as a starting place for your next leap. There is so much of the world to explore - so many options! I'm afraid that all this sadness has nothing to do with him. It probably ISN'T all to do with him. When you figure it out - work on it. In the meantime, if you need a little medical assistance, don't be afraid to ask for help. If you are on some, and they aren't working well, check with your doc. Sometimes anti-depressants lose efficacy or just don't work well for you. I didn't think that my life would turn out this way. Isn't THAT the million dollar statement! If only we could know in advance what choices to make to get us where we want to be. The key isn't where you thought you would be, it is where to go from here! I am pretty sure, it will be only up up up as soon as you figure out which direction you want to take! Shey |
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super
Full Member
Posts: 122
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Post by super on Apr 16, 2008 11:42:34 GMT -5
Thanks guys. I have all these thoughts just circling my head and it feels good to just get them out.
As for not knowing who I am or what I want, I spent ten years with him. All of my adulthood, from 18 - 28. It's only been the last two years, when I moved three hours away that I had any semblance of independence. So, I just don't really know what I want. I tried so hard for the last ten years to want what he wanted, and to make my life fit with his. We were so different that it has me really confused. Do I want to get married and have kids? Do I want to settle down? It's taking me awhile to understand that I can have these things on my terms now instead of his.
All the other stuff - I really want to stop feeling this way. It's so frustrating!
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Post by RO on Apr 16, 2008 11:48:33 GMT -5
Super--
First you need to realize that you cannot define yourself by someone else's terms.
You, have to know you and what you want out of life and really know who you are before you can really be fulfilled in a healthy relationship.
Look at this time as the opportunity it is...to get to know who you are and try new things and discover who you are.
Someone else can add to your happiness but only YOU can make yourself happy. You are in control of your future...
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Post by crushy on Apr 17, 2008 4:12:23 GMT -5
Super ~ You sound so much like me when my ex left 4 1/2 yrs ago. I'd been with him since I was 13, married 15 years, together a total of 22 and had 2 sons with him. I just couldn't imagine my future without him at first and truly thought I'd never allow myself to love again. A year after he left, I happened upon a special fellow Ojarian. We began PMing as friends, then phone calls, then met 5 mos later. We got engaged this past November. We've been doing the long distance thing for 3 1/2 yrs. We weren't looking for someone, it just happened. I was scared to death for the first year with him, but now I trust him with all of my heart. I just got home from seeing him on Tues and I'm flying back to see him in May. I can honestly say he is the 'man of my dreams'. Like you, since I was with my ex for so long and since I was so young, I didn't know what the man of my dreams would be like because I had to make it fit with what I had in him. Ya know what? He's nothing I'd give a second look at now. He married the OW and they just had a baby and I'm about to marry again w/ my sons' blessing. Like you, I felt like he'd just moved on without missing a beat, but one night (about 6 mos after he married her...he married her 4 wks after our divorce was final), he called me crying and wishing he could 'turn the clock back to be with me again.' I had once longed to hear those words from him, but they made absolutely NO difference. I hadn't even met my fiance at that point because I didn't even find Ojar until I'd been single for a year. I know how it feels that they've moved on and are 'on a bed of roses', but since my ex has taken me to court for joint custody (for $ reasons), I can promise you, it's not as easy for them as it seems. I'd much rather be me than him. I'm happy now. I'm sorry my boys are still embroiled in a custody suit, but I have complete confidence I will be the victor and he will just be more broke and more broken. The kicker is....I finally don't care if he suffers, I just want him to leave me alone. You will get there some day. Take care.... Crushy  |
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Post by redskyatnight on Apr 25, 2008 12:54:31 GMT -5
The kicker is....I finally don't care if he suffers, I just want him to leave me alone. You will get there some day. Crushy That's a nice place to be. |
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