relationship questions to ponder

[jules]

what makes a relationship a relationship as opposed to a friendship with sexual benefits? what are the differences? are they immediately apparent, or does it take time to clarify?

discuss amongst yourselves.

[redskyatnight]

Good Question!

For me,

FWB = a non exclusive relationship, benefits may be granted to many people, enjoyment in the moment without thought to anything in the future. The interaction between the people is more care-free. The friends do not get jealous over other friends. Its also a dangerous way to conduct yourself sexually even with condom usage.

Relationship = exclusive sexually, and with more depth in sharing of yourself, emotions, hopes, fears. You know, the Intimate moments between people are what makes a relationship. Sharing of the intimaticies (physical and the heart-felt ones) with a third party will likely bring on feelings of abandonment and betrayal. Oh and as an added bonus - no condoms required.

As for clarifying the rules, I assume that, unless FWB is discussed up front, once the relationship becomes intimate, it is exclusive. As I write this, I think maybe I need to be upfront about being exclusive too.

That's a girls view point. I'd like to hear some male viewpoints on this.

[sheyd]

My fwb relationship was expressly declared, neither person would want to have more than friendship, quite the opposite of jealousy, we HOPED the other person would find someone else who could be exclusive (and were happy for each other when we did). The opposite of not thinking for the future, it was actually discussed what the future would be, and the sharing was still there (and still is, even though the benefits part has stopped) because we were true friends.

Relationship - desire to be exclusive (on both parts), or a mutually agreed upon relationship status that elevates it beyond temporary. (For me, at least, that is exclusivity, but there are some who maintain an open relationship quite happily).

As for the difference - if it is a friend you are sleeping with, it should be clarified off the bat, so neither person gets more hurt later if one wants to go into relationship status and the other doesn't. It may clarify itself eventually, but the way it clarifies might not be pleasant, and the waiting for that clarification might not be either, especially for the one who might want a real relationship.

Shey

[Phyxius]

As for the difference - if it is a friend you are sleeping with, it should be clarified off the bat, so neither person gets more hurt later if one wants to go into relationship status and the other doesn't. It may clarify itself eventually, but the way it clarifies might not be pleasant, and the waiting for that clarification might not be either, especially for the one who might want a real relationship.

[sheyd]

May 19, 2008 14:54:42 GMT -5 Phyxius said:

[super]

i've given this a lot of thought recently. i've been dating someone for a few months and after we had "the talk" we were exclusive for awhile, but then i said i wanted to be able see other people.

i really like hanging out with him, and i like him romantically, but it's not serious and it's not going to be. i don't want to stop dating him, but i don't see the point of dating only one person unless you only have feelings for them. i still don't consider it a FWB relationship because i don't just consider him a friend.

[sheyd]

May 21, 2008 14:22:26 GMT -5 super said:

but it's not serious and it's not going to be.

Is he truly aware of this? If you were exclusive for awhile, and my guess is that he still IS exclusive to you, are you giving him hope that eventually he can win you over? Are you playing fair with this guy? He is more than a friend, but never going to be anything serious - is he TRULY ok with that? Are you?

[super]

yep, we are actually being very honest with each other. i guess i did learn something from my last relationship.