alone forever?

[super]

How do I stop worrying that I'll never meet someone? I think the reason it bothers me that my ex is with someone, is that I haven't found anyone I feel strongly about. Honestly, I rarely meet anyone that I'm interested in or even attracted to.

I've never been worried about 'settling down' or getting married. Partly because I was always with my ex, but mainly because I've never felt ready. Even now, when I see wedding pictures I think ugh, and when I see people with kids I feel relieved it's not me. I just see loss of freedom.

So why this fear? And how do you get over it, because I know that it's silly. I guess I just feel like single woman, approaching 30, and is there anyone out there for me?

[freckles]

Hello

I am in the same boat

I am here for you


Just PM me is all it takes to find True Love

[Mod (PQ-Kermie)]

Frecks stop hittin on everything with a pulse.. its gettin kinda creepy

[JimB]

Super, you seem to understand that the enemy isn't loneliness - it's fear. That's half the battle.

Something that works for me when dealing with fear is simply imagining the worst-case scenario. If it's a deep-seated fear, I have to carry that worst-case scenario with me for a few days, even a week. It's a little bit of a bummer in the short term, but I find over time that I can structure my life in such a way that even if the worst possible outcome occurs, I can still see a way towards happiness.

Your mileage may vary, of course.

[shattered]

Oh Super.

Sweetheart. You're "approaching" 30 and worried you'll never find anyone? Please stop -- Im 41 -- if you think you're over the hill or will become a spinster, what does that make me??? You're depressing me!

OK, but seriously: Though I do feel that if I were 12 years younger, I'd be far less worried about remaining alone for the rest of my life (a worry that is essentially ever-present these days), I understand that fears and worries can be incredibly strong, no matter how "logically" other people try to talk you out of them.

I don't mean to poo-poo your fears. At the same time, keep in mind some basic facts for perspective: You have A LOT of time to find someone; your clock is not about to run out. That you're interested in or attracted to hardly anyone -- I think most people, especially women, are in that boat. I know I am. I can easily go a whole year without meeting or even seeing a single man who peaks my interest or hormones.

There is still something in our society that sees 30 as the magic number where you should be settled and married. But this is 2008 -- not 1958. Thirty is no longer middle-age! Heck, 40 almost isn't anymore. (When I look at myself and the majority of my friends who are my age -- I feel like we all look and act like we're 30! (For better or for worse.))

OK, I'm realizing how utterly unhelpful my post is. Sorry! I just wrote a bunch of other stuff that I just deleted, but I'll send this portion.

Also, I like JimB's suggestion, if you can swing it.

Thinking of you,

Shattered

[super]

Shattered - I totally agree with you. I always thought worrying about being married by 30 (or any number) was ridiculous. It's just that this is the first time (I was with my ex since I was 18) I've even thought I might not be with someone. It's not even married so much as it is alone.

Almost all of my friends are single, but all the people I knew in highschool are married with kids or kids on the way. Where I live it's just the norm to be married ASAP and have kids. The fact that I don't want that freaks me out too.

It feels good to admit it though instead of just pushing it aside constantly.

[ionysis]

I'm in exactly the same boat super - except I am 30! It IS scary and miserable. I've never been alone before and it makes me want to cry sometimes, just not having the warm body to cuddle when you need someone. It has been 18 months and I STILL haven't stopped feeling that way. Where I live there are amost no single guys my age and those there are are not the kind of men who are looking for relationships longer than a night or two. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

But I won't be and niether will you. The probem with negative attitudes is they encourage a negative outcome. Think positive and its so much more likey to happen.

Thinking of you.
xxx

[redskyatnight]

Even if you never find the man who is right for you, find a way to happy. Do things that make you happy. That way, with or without a man, you'll be happy.

[midge]

super, i was married and divorced by 30! i was 29 when it started and i remember yelling at my husband that he had used up my 20s. i saw 30 as being the end of my life and the divorce was certainly the nail in the coffin.

you probably won't be able to appreciate this until later (because i wasn't able to appreciate it at the time), but your 30s are so much better than your 20s. it would be a waste to tell you, you just have to get there and see!

things happen when you least expect it. don't put your life on a time line. the only things you have left to do at a certain age are now to qualify in age to become the president of the united states and collect social security (good luck!). everything else is best to be enjoyed when the time is right.

and believe me, i didn't want to be the first person i knew who was divorced and the youngest person to be divorced- but it beats the hell out of being one minute older and anything less than happy!