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Post by sheyd on Jul 8, 2008 0:19:05 GMT -5
You are NOT broken, you are hurt. You have been hurt before, and survived. You are strong, stronger than you can realize now. You have a solid core of a survivor. It will be hard for a while - really hard - hard to breathe, hard to remember that you STILL have a life, separate life... but you do. Do what it takes to get to the place where breathing is easier. Remember your time "alone" before - remember you are NEVER alone.
I only logged in because I saw this - because you are important to me, even at midnight - you have people who care, 24 hours a day. You will survive this, and you WILL be ok. Remember all the other parts of your life that this doesn't touch - your friendships, etc.
I am so sorry you are going through this - but you will come out the other side, and you WILL be happy again. ((((((HUGS))))))
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Jul 8, 2008 7:32:33 GMT -5
Oh hun, I am so sorry. Cant formulate anything coherent atm, I just woke up but I wanted you to know that I am here for you too.
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Post by jules on Jul 8, 2008 8:56:54 GMT -5
i'm so sorry you're hurting. cry it out, and find an understanding friend to stay with who will take care of you until you're feeling a bit less fragile. then you can figure out your next move, but right now you just need some nurturing. (((hugs)))
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Post by ionysis on Jul 8, 2008 9:10:48 GMT -5
Thank you guys. I'm so glad that I still have this place and people who know the whole story.
I have to say I am feeling better as the day has gone on. I've stopped crying now. I'm functioning again. Just. Today I've set in motion the usual things that I now know work. Afterall, I've been through this with him twice before now so I'm an expert at how to do damage control and keep myself from completely falling apart.
I've mobilised the girls who are going to take turns at keeping me busy in the evenings.
I've called my mother and told her the whole story - she was amazing, totally non-judgemental and supportive - she even said that if I wanted to get back together with him that badly, and if I was this upset then if he eventually made up his mind that way she'd accept him into the family with open heart if only it made me happy which from her is the greatest sacrifice.
I called one of my dearest male friends back in the UK and asked him if I can call or text him in the evenings to say good night so I don't miss calling my ex so much.
I've filled up my social calendar to the brim.
I've arranged to stay with family for a day and a night at the weekend so I can get away from here.
I've got in touch will all the potential dates I've been putting off and said let's catch up for a drink.
I've been to my doctor and got my Xanax so I fall straight to sleep rather than crying half the night.
I've called my psychiatrist and arranged for an appointment ASAP so he can assess whether I need to take some anti-depressants for a short time to get me over the bump.
I've booked my first therapy session so I can start to learn to be happy on my own and to try and find out what I really want out of life apart from R.
I've bought an easy read science fiction and fantasy book which I can read when I'm alone and which will take me away into another place.
I've got myself a gym membership and a ton of personal training sessions and a consultation with a nutritionist so I can focus on getting myself fit and healthy.
This week I've given up alcohol and smoking and have been eating only healthy, low fat, nutritious food.
All I have to do now is to have my showtime box fixed but that can wait until tomorrow.
I'm fully armed and have my reinforcements in place. THIS time I just have to make damn sure I STICK to it regardless of what he says or does. I WILL get over this. I will. I have a life now. I have my own life, my own friends, I'm not the same person I was 18 months ago when he called off the wedding. He isn't my whole life. He CANNOT break me. I won't let him. He said I didn't have enough faith in anything outside of him, that I couldn't live without him, but I do and I can. I have faith in me, and in my friends and in my family. I'm NOT alone. I'm not weak anymore. He isn't my life. Nothing has changed, fundamentally everything is still the same as always, just a few les phone calls and texts and a couple more evenings to fill. That's it. I WILL BE HAPPY. I WILL!
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Post by sheyd on Jul 8, 2008 9:44:46 GMT -5
That was probably one of the best posts I have ever seen. You keep re-reading that - because every word of it is true and you will be so much better for the work you are putting in on being healthy. You ARE that survivor - never let anyone take that from you (including you!) It will be hard for awhile, but you will be GREAT!
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Jul 8, 2008 9:55:54 GMT -5
I have to agree. That was an awesome post and it seems like you have all your ducks in a row. I know that doesn't mean it won't hurt, but it is so encouraging to have your friends and family rally around you. You are indeed very blessed.
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Post by redskyatnight on Jul 8, 2008 11:23:41 GMT -5
Wow Ionysis. You are strong. I am very impressed by your industry. I'm sorry that you have to go through this again, but you have learned how to survive and your post shows it.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Jul 8, 2008 11:33:02 GMT -5
I've got in touch will all the potential dates I've been putting off and said let's catch up for a drink.
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super
Full Member
Posts: 122
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Post by super on Jul 8, 2008 12:03:13 GMT -5
you will just keep feeling better & stronger. just look how far you came in between those two posts!!
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Post by kittenhart on Jul 8, 2008 12:52:35 GMT -5
I'm fully armed and have my reinforcements in place. THIS time I just have to make damn sure I STICK to it regardless of what he says or does. I WILL get over this. I will. I have a life now. I have my own life, my own friends, I'm not the same person I was 18 months ago when he called off the wedding. He isn't my whole life. He CANNOT break me. I won't let him. He said I didn't have enough faith in anything outside of him, that I couldn't live without him, but I do and I can. I have faith in me, and in my friends and in my family. I'm NOT alone. I'm not weak anymore. He isn't my life. Nothing has changed, fundamentally everything is still the same as always, just a few less phone calls and texts and a couple more evenings to fill. That's it. I WILL BE HAPPY. I WILL! Stay strong, hun. You are not alone and this time it will be easier. You will quickly see how much better your life will become once you are free of "waiting for him". There's is only so long anyone should wait for a man to get his shit together. Time's up.
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Post by shattered on Jul 8, 2008 13:45:22 GMT -5
ionysis,
Your second post is amazing -- a true testament to your will to survive. I admire you for that very much.
You also seem to be blessed with wonderful friends.
Stay strong and amazing,
shattered
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Post by gdgross on Jul 8, 2008 15:27:12 GMT -5
Damn, ion!
I agree with the others - keep going back to your second post, hopefully it will keep you strong.
NO CONTACT!
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Post by JimB on Jul 9, 2008 0:10:57 GMT -5
It's not as though any of this is a great shock, really. You'll be able to use that fact to your benefit. You've set yourself an aggressive itinerary for extracting him from your life. I applaud your ambition, but make sure you allow yourself time to hurt a bit - if you don't, you're just delaying it. Wallow if you need to, just don't let it get out of hand. Hugs, and if you need someone to tell you how hot you are, pm me.
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Post by ionysis on Jul 9, 2008 1:41:20 GMT -5
Thanks Guys, I really appreciate it. All my pain comes from desperately wanting and trying to control something which is entirely out of my hands. I can't make him do anything. I can't make him be something I want him to be. I just have to let go. I'm trying to trust that this is all for a reason, that I'm learning from this, learning about myself, learning how to deal with life better, how to control what I can and release the desire to control what I cannot.
I'm coming to believe that I HAVE to believe in a higher purpose of some sort. I'm not religious per se but I do think that at this point I must just put myself in the hands of fate and accept that this is just the way things are. There is nothing I can do to alter my circumstances right now with regards to R. The only thing I can do is work on myself, try to find something which moves me, which makes my life worth living that IS within my ability to control. I need to find a job I love, something in my life to live for which is not another person. I need to find my reason for happiness, my passion, and make sure that what makes me happy, what makes my life worthwhile is not the love of another faulty human being, not something which can be taken away from me. It has to be something which comes from inside myself. I need to find something to love as much as I love R but something healthy, whole and meaningful. A purpose, a vocation.
I don't know what that may be yet but perhaps the whole point of the last two years is to give me the ability to discover it. maybe this can give me the strength to move out of the rut I've got myself into and find something to do with my life which makes me light up inside. I hope so.
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Post by Phoenixx on Jul 9, 2008 5:20:38 GMT -5
Oh, Ion. First off I am sorry things turned out this way once again, but I am not sorry to hear the strength in your words. The only blessing of someone hurting you twice is that at some point you learn how to deal with it. Doesnt make the pain any less, but it does show that you can cope with anything, even the most horrendous heart break.
You want something else to live for? Well, how about that journey you once mentioned (I think it was on Ojar)? You had a dream of taking a drive, from where you live to your house in the south of france and write a book about the journey...I'm not sure if I remember the specifics, but I figure thats as good a thing as any. It will allow you time away and time to focus, on yourself, who you are, who you were, who you want to be..
You HAVE been here before and you got out of it. You are so much stronger than the last time, so remember that, remember your list and remember we are here. (hugs) to you.
Still thinking of you...
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