daryl
Junior Member
Posts: 60
|
hate
Jul 21, 2008 12:30:29 GMT -5
Post by daryl on Jul 21, 2008 12:30:29 GMT -5
I have already told her that i am going to be doing this.But she has retaliated by not allowing me to see my daughter and demanding more money.What i have been doing now was getting the nanny to phone me when she leaves for work so that i can go and see my daughter before she gets back.Although this will not work for long and i will have to evntually get the police involved however this is not the way i wanted things to be.I falsley thought that with negotiation i would be able to get through to her but i now realise that the law and courts may have to get involved. It is just very sad that it had to come to this.Ihave resisted the law route as i thought that the theraputic route may be a better option.I have tried everything i possibly could to save my relationship.When she refused me access to my daughter is the only time i went to an attorney and even then i negotiated rather than went to court.I went through three phases during this ordeal.At first i was angry when i still loved her and tried to make things work.When i realised there was no hope of reconciliation my anger turned to hurt and sadness and now that i want to move on i feel that i want to forgive so i can move on but she does not want to give me this way forward easily.All i want is a relationship with my daughter.If i could figure out why she harbours so much of hatred toward me,i would then have some clue as to how to proceed but it seems as if she wants me to remain in her life so that she can use my daughter in order to get to me.My ideal situation would be to not have any contact with her and make arrangements to pick my daughter up and drop her of without contact with her.
|
|
|
hate
Jul 21, 2008 12:55:59 GMT -5
Post by lqdKaos on Jul 21, 2008 12:55:59 GMT -5
I cant even begin to say I know what you are going thru....But you are comming around to the idea that niceness and negotiation will only get you so far. There are people in the world that you just can not deal with. I think the time for negotiation is over. You have done everything possible to make things amicable. Right now she is dealing with her own demons. She has to deal with the fact she lost you, she is now raising a child (as a single mother), this is eating into her so called social life. She probably is lashing out on you because she has realized that she cant do better than you. You were there, provided, loved, etc... She likely has a few "friends" that are building her up and egging her on. Those are the only ones that will likely stand next to her in a court.
I think its time to man up and take her to court. Go after things like full custody, or as much as you can. You likely have records of support payments, and such, so she can not say you have not paid. Take witnesses, as many as you can. Friends, neighbors, family, etc.
I had a friend that went thru a similar thing when his wife left him. He agreed to pay her X amount per month above and beyond child support. But it was not on paper. He wrote a check every month that covered this payment. Plus he paid her tuition every semester. She started getting pretty abusive when he would pick up his kids. So eventually he threatened to stop the payments and only pay child support. She took him to court and lost. She tried to claim he had never paid a dime to her and did nothing for his kids. He had enough witnesses to her abuse and everything on paper.
So there is hope, just not that she will come around. Its time to hop off that train.
|
|
|
hate
Jul 21, 2008 13:56:21 GMT -5
Post by sheyd on Jul 21, 2008 13:56:21 GMT -5
Tell her you will record everything - then DO it - including her refusal to allow you to see your daughter AND her requests for more money. If she is aware you are recording the demands and behavior, she will either stop or you have a good case.
You WILL have to get the police involved, and you shouldn't have to deal with any of this. Tell her - then don't pick up the phone unless you are going to record what she says. Don't stop by the house without a video camera. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your rights. And show your daughter that it is not ok to act the way her mother is acting towards you by standing up for yourself.
|
|
daryl
Junior Member
Posts: 60
|
hate
Jul 21, 2008 16:39:24 GMT -5
Post by daryl on Jul 21, 2008 16:39:24 GMT -5
I know that getting the law involved is an inevitability at this stage.However after reading the last few threads of mine regarding my situation,does anyone think that she may have some sort of illness.She obviously loves her daughter and in no way would i want to have her not be with my daughter.I will not do to her what she has done to me.However when she fell pregnant her tantrums and violent behaviour seemed to have intensified much more and this anger she seems to have specifically toward me has not subsided.I know she also hates my sister much more than she does me but my sister has never had a problem with her nor any altercation with her ever.She just hates her.Is this normal.My sister just laughs it off saying that she has serious issues to overcome within herself but looking back at our relationship ,she seemed to have been obsessed with hating my sister which also caused alot of problems.Almost daily she would have something nasty to say about my sister.I would try to ignore this but she would not let up until we started arguing.Eventually i had to tell her that in order for us to get along,she should not bring up anything about my family.It is not as if they even came home to visit because they knew she hated them for some reason that they could not understand but they did not really care to think of it much.Even though i told her not to talk about them ,she never stopped.At one point whilst trying to determine why all this happened,she told me that she will never get back with me because she hates my sister.However my sister never came around nor intefered in our relationship at all as she had her own life with her own kids and never really bothered what my ex thought about her.This cannot be normal behaviour OR AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS THIS.
|
|
|
hate
Jul 22, 2008 12:07:17 GMT -5
Post by lqdKaos on Jul 22, 2008 12:07:17 GMT -5
Dude, you are not the only one thinking this. There is something serious going on in that woman. I am no dr. but it seems like there is some imbalance, either drug related or some other bipolar, depression, etc...you name it. But it is likely getting fed by her so called friends and colleagues.
|
|
|
hate
Jul 22, 2008 12:27:15 GMT -5
Post by jules on Jul 22, 2008 12:27:15 GMT -5
daryl, regardless of what ails her, you need to remember that it ONLY concerns you as far as how she is parenting your daughter, and allowing you visitation (or not.) She is no longer your wife.
And I do think going for full custody ought to be something you consider. As your daughter gets older, it is very likely that her mother as the primary parent will not only turn her against you, but infest her with the same delusions she owns.
|
|
daryl
Junior Member
Posts: 60
|
hate
Jul 22, 2008 14:54:50 GMT -5
Post by daryl on Jul 22, 2008 14:54:50 GMT -5
You know as much as it may hurt me to see her in another relationship specifically because as god is my witness,i really tried everything humanly possible to make this relationship worki think that it will hurt me more to know that another guy is going to go through the same shit as i did.I actually would feel more sorry for them than jealous about seeing her with someone else.If i ever saw her with someone else,i know i would not say anything but i think i would be screaming as loud as possible in my head saying"DUDE YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING YOURSELF INVOLVED WITH RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN". ;D
|
|