daryl
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by daryl on Aug 25, 2008 15:11:41 GMT -5
She denies me access for a month stating that she needs more money,threatens to report me to child welfare because i am not doing enough for my child.I contemplate going to my attorney and putting and end to this womans reign of terror on me but then realise that i have paid these guys a fortune in consultation fees just for them to always say that i have it good and should not rock the boat and they need strong evidance against her tantrums in order to do anything which requires me carrying spy cams and audio devices,so i decide to give in and pay her double the amount that i am supposed to plus buy all the baby products for the month so that i can see my daughter.She then allows me to take my child for a few hours.The next day she says that she is going on holiday for a few days with all her gay buddies to the destination that we always went to during our relationship and i can see my child for a few hours before she leaves.Afew days before she was crying poverty and restricting my access just so she can extort money to go on holiday.Those *#@#$% freinds of hers think that they are my childs father and rub it in when i arrived to see my child before my ex left with her entourage and my child. I need to move on from this shit.This woman is emotionally wrecking me and i am becoming more and more irate with this situation.It just sickens me to the core. She is using my daughter to keep me in a constant state of hurt and depression. I have had it with this.I have paid my attorney thousands over the last 15 months or so just to talk and they do nothing.If i wanted to talk i would have gone to a freind for the pathetic advice.I keep hitting a dead end.This is going to kill me slowly,i can feel it already.
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Post by kittenhart on Aug 26, 2008 0:00:08 GMT -5
just for them to always say that i have it good and should not rock the boat and they need strong evidance against her tantrums in order to do anything which requires me carrying spy cams and audio devices,so i decide to give in and pay her double the amount that i am supposed to plus buy all the baby products for the month so that i can see my daughter. I think you should consider maybe getting a different lawyer. This sounds totally ridiculous. Sorry you are going through this, Daryl.
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Post by wizer on Aug 26, 2008 22:24:54 GMT -5
Daryl, I don't know your history but I am going through a nightmare divorce as well and the first thought I have upon reading your post is why don't you have standard visitation rights in writing?
At the very least every other weekend and one day during the week plus splitting up holidays...
That's for starters.
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Post by Kim Possible on Aug 27, 2008 8:55:36 GMT -5
Hi I can't even imagine your frustration. Well, actually I can, a bit. It took me almost three years to actually get divorced b/c of his lack of cooperation. I was wondering that too. Why is she calling the shots as to when you can see your child? The first lawyer I saw gave me very good advice (but that was about it, then I moved on). She told me to take care of CS and visitation first, then deal with the divorce. So I did that, I went on my own to file through the county court. You don't need a lawyer to do that. Of course, he showed up to court with one, and I didn't have one at that point, but It all worked itself out. I guess for the CS it's different, assuming you are the one paying her. But if you are already giving her the standard rate for your state, it would make sense to do it through them, that way, she cannot try to milk you for more. You are a stand-up guy , so doing it by the book would probably be best for you now, that way she cannot accuse you of not giving her enough. But do the custody first. That way if you do get her for more than the standard "dad" visitation, perhaps you could negotiate less CS. Also, (I hate to say this, b/c I would hate it if my ex questioned me), but can you not question where the $ you are giving her is going? After 2 and a half years, I still have the support $ going into a seperate account, just in case he questions if I am spending HIS money on Mets tickets or vacations for me. This is sooo unfair to you. She is paying you like a fiddle
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daryl
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by daryl on Aug 27, 2008 16:34:38 GMT -5
Hi ,guys thanks for the replies. Well one of the reasons behind her calling the shots is because we were married in a religious way which is not recognised by the law in South Africa,although we stayed together for 13 of the fifteen years we were together (i have followed the hindu religion by the way although my father is muslim and mother hindu)and secondly, this was not a mutual agreement to divorce or seperate.
I did not know that there was a problem of this scale as we only had an argument so my first action was not to get an attorney for access to my daughter but to try to solve whatever issue there was.I still up to today do not know what the problem was.She definatley had post natal depression and she even admitted to me that she was not stable after she gave birth.
Her freinds rallied around her and have been advising her ever since on exactly how to manage her problem with me and the rest is history.I consulted an attorney and this is the only time i did get acess to my daughter which was after three months. I did not want to give up on our relationship for a long while and tried to approach the situation in a theraputic way rather than through attorneys specifically because i did not want to be an absentee father.
I wanted to be with my child and make our marriage work and so did not aggressivley pursue joint custody. I now know that i have to forget about the dream of a normal family for my daughter and push for as much access that i can get ,and forget about my ex ,it is still hard for me to even say the word ex wife.Never thought it would be me calling someone that i loved so much an ex.
It is so clear now that the only thing she sees in me now is money and dangles my daughter in front of me as bait for money which leaves me in a constant state of depression. I can ask her what she is doing with the money but it serves no relevance here. She can do with the money as she pleases in this part of the world without having to answer for it. However i dont think that she will be playing me for too much longer. Everything that i have put up with thus far was only because i wanted our marriage to work. A persons good nature cannot be always taken for granted which she counts on with me. It will soon come to an end.
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Post by Kim Possible on Aug 29, 2008 16:08:19 GMT -5
I consulted an attorney and this is the only time i did get acess to my daughter which was after three months. I did not want to give up on our relationship for a long while and tried to approach the situation in a theraputic way rather than through attorneys specifically because i did not want to be an absentee father. I wanted to be with my child and make our marriage work and so did not aggressivley pursue joint custody. I now know that i have to forget about the dream of a normal family for my daughter and push for as much access that i can get ,and forget about my ex ,it is still hard for me to even say the word ex wife.Never thought it would be me calling someone that i loved so much an ex. I know it is very hard to imagine that the person you vowed to be with for life is now someone who hates you and wants no part of you. It is a tough pill to swallow. I know for me, I thought we would have been able to handle it civilly at first, without court orders and dueling attorneys. Yeah, I was naive. But now you see, if you don't want to get screwed, and you want to be a part of your daughters life, you have to play the game. You really have no choice.
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Post by crushy on Sept 1, 2008 3:12:50 GMT -5
I need to move on from this shit.This woman is emotionally wrecking me and i am becoming more and more irate with this situation.It just sickens me to the core. She is using my daughter to keep me in a constant state of hurt and depression. I have had it with this.I have paid my attorney thousands over the last 15 months or so just to talk and they do nothing.If i wanted to talk i would have gone to a freind for the pathetic advice.I keep hitting a dead end.This is going to kill me slowly,i can feel it already. There you go, Daryl, now you're talkin'. Fight back. I know you've tried to keep the peace for your daughter's sake, but it's clear, that's not working. You're a great guy w/ a huge heart and she's preying on that. Regina is right, get the legality thing down first. I know it's not easy, but it can be done. You have to look at your ex as a stranger. Anticipate anything because she's not someone you know and probably has not been for some time. I remember learning to speak 'single'...I, me, mine. It was so foreign to think that way, but it's a reality. Believe me, learning to speak married later is even harder. I wish my boys' dad cared like you. Heck, I wish my own dad did when I was younger. Your daughter will see things clearly, you just have to be patient (which I know is a killer).
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