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Post by finding on Jan 26, 2008 18:12:56 GMT -5
Growing up in a so called Christian home this was thrown around quite a bit when my brother and I stood up to our parents. Free thinking and questioning were surpressed and we were expected to accept things the way they were even if everyone surrounding the situation saw that it was fucked up.
My question is when do you put this aside and live your life for what you value, want, and need? I'm not saying to be disrespectful, mean, or nasty.
What do you do with a set of parents that refuse to see their grown child as an adult with children of their own and how do you still honor such parents when they refuse to honor you?
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Post by rocko on Jan 28, 2008 9:27:02 GMT -5
My mother had a terrible time when I left home. I am the baby. She didn't want to let me make my own mistakes/choices and grow on my own. I finally quit talking to her for a few months. After that she backed off a little bit. Now I just tell her when she is crossing the line.
As for his opinions of the kids and therapies and all that. I tell her what I am thinking about. I present the facts that I have found. I ask her opinion. Then TELL her what I am going to do or tell her I am going to think on it some more. By asking her opinion she feels like I am listening even if I don't do what she says.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 28, 2008 9:40:33 GMT -5
You honor them by thanking them for getting you to where you are. You show respect to them by not being being rude. You show regard for them by telling them about your life so they feel included. Honoring does NOT require "obeying", nor does it require tolerating abuse or disrespect in any form. That means if they are not respecting YOU or your parenting, that is a portion of your life you remove from their control. You can inform, without including. You can also respectfully and politely inform them that while they are still honored for all that they have done for you and continue to do for you, honoring does not include allowing them to do "x, or y, or z". While those things continue, this portion of your life you will tell them about instead of including them.
I am specifically thinking of when they speak to your children in ways you don't find appropriate. In that case, it would mean no private conversations while they continue to undermine you. They are allowed into their grandchildren's lives only so long as they realize your children have to honor THEIR mother. Otherwise they will only be allowed public time, and that will be stopped if the inappropriate behavior isn't. Not because you don't honor them - but because you DO - and you realize that what they taught you - that children should respect their parents. You are honoring what they taught you!
Shey
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Post by freckles on Jan 28, 2008 12:18:48 GMT -5
Birds kick the little birds out of the nest Then when the little birds grow up they do the same
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