Post by super on Sept 3, 2008 12:47:25 GMT -5
I feel really stuck lately. I seem to be in a bitter, cynical phase. I don't feel like I'll ever be head over heels in love again, like I'll never trust again, and like I'll never find someone to match me. I missed out on dating when it was fun and easy, and now it seems that it is serious business. People are goal oriented and picky at this age.
It seems like everyone but me has their life together. Everyone is getting married. I'm sure my ex is also engaged by now. I on the other hand am finishing school, putting my life in a storage locker, and going traveling. Even that doesn't seem to be working right. The place I chose to go is having extreme civil unrest and may be off limits by the date of my flight.
When the break-up first happened, I never felt unattractive. I didn't feel the blow to my self esteem that all the books predicted. Suddenly I do now though. I see all these people that are getting married and happy and plenty of them are less educated, attractive, etc. so I think, what's wrong with me?! I just can't get over the way I was so easily replaced.
I'm no longer mourning the loss of him. I realized a long time ago that he wasn't right for me, and I'd wanted out for ages. I guess I'm grieving for lost time and not having the life I had imagined.
I feel okay when I'm with someone or when I'm busy, but everytime I have some downtime all these feelings overwhelm me. I can't spend my life distracting myself. I feel like I did as a teenager when I was always occupied. Having any quiet time is just too painful these days.
Maybe this is a vent? Thanks for reading it anyway. I feel the need to get all this out, but it seems like the time has passed for talking to my friends about it. I should be over it by now, right?
It seems like everyone but me has their life together. Everyone is getting married. I'm sure my ex is also engaged by now. I on the other hand am finishing school, putting my life in a storage locker, and going traveling. Even that doesn't seem to be working right. The place I chose to go is having extreme civil unrest and may be off limits by the date of my flight.
When the break-up first happened, I never felt unattractive. I didn't feel the blow to my self esteem that all the books predicted. Suddenly I do now though. I see all these people that are getting married and happy and plenty of them are less educated, attractive, etc. so I think, what's wrong with me?! I just can't get over the way I was so easily replaced.
I'm no longer mourning the loss of him. I realized a long time ago that he wasn't right for me, and I'd wanted out for ages. I guess I'm grieving for lost time and not having the life I had imagined.
I feel okay when I'm with someone or when I'm busy, but everytime I have some downtime all these feelings overwhelm me. I can't spend my life distracting myself. I feel like I did as a teenager when I was always occupied. Having any quiet time is just too painful these days.
Maybe this is a vent? Thanks for reading it anyway. I feel the need to get all this out, but it seems like the time has passed for talking to my friends about it. I should be over it by now, right?