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Post by nolongeryours on Sept 19, 2008 12:46:39 GMT -5
The past couple of days I have been feeling that something just isn't right or the same between my BF and I. I have no basis to feel this way which is why I find this feeling to be so unsettling.
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Post by redskyatnight on Sept 19, 2008 12:51:36 GMT -5
There must be some reason you feel this way. Have his behaviors changed? Are things that used to be consistent suddenly different? Is he hiding his cell phone? Are you talking about doing things together in the near or far future?
Honestly, the best thing to do is to ask him and see what his response is, not only with his words but with his body language too. Does he look away or look at you too long? Does he cover part of his face when talking? Does he figit or want to drop the subject?
Good luck!
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Post by nolongeryours on Sept 19, 2008 13:07:55 GMT -5
nothing at all is different which is what is making me feel insane for thinking this way.
does not hide his cell phone, calls when he says he will call, still sends silly text message during the day. We are still making plans for the future, IE just this morning he asked me if I would be his date at a surprise b-day part next friday night and we have plans to go away together the first week of october.
even his body language is the same.....i just can not understand why i am feeling this strange feeling.
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Post by JimB on Sept 19, 2008 13:57:26 GMT -5
If you can't quantify it, it's safe to assume it's only your own fears. We all feel vulnerable from time to time. Perhaps it would be worthwhile to turn your gaze inward and explore why you're feeling anxious...?
Just remind yourself that you have your eyes open and will notice if anything is truly wrong. And focus on the good things that are going on.
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Post by rocko on Sept 22, 2008 7:55:49 GMT -5
Every once in a while my husband will all the sudden start feeling extra jealous and such. I dont know why he does it or what triggers it. i have never done anything to make him question my faithfulness or honesty.
I think it is just sometimes we feel down/iinsecure and try to make it caused by something more than just our own hormones and such.
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Post by shattered on Sept 22, 2008 13:05:27 GMT -5
nolongeryours,
How are you feeling about this? Any change?
It's often hard to find the right balance -- of not overanalyzing/reading into things and of trusting your own gut.
I'm terrible at that. The worst. My only suggestion is to not ignore your gut if it keeps, continuously, telling you something.
If things are back to normal, I'd say, forget it about it. At least for now. If you're still feeling weird -- perhaps the best thing would be to bring it up wtih him. In a calm, non-confrontational way. Saying, look, I know this seems weird, but I've been feeling like this for a while now, and I was wondering if we could talk about it.
Good luck to you!
shattered
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Post by nolongeryours on Sept 23, 2008 7:21:02 GMT -5
It was me. I spoke to my bf and he assured me that everything is fine....better than fine and I trust so so I feel much better.
I think at times, thanks to the awful emotional abuse my ex laid on me, I still battle feelings of insecurity. Just makes me want to send my ex a thank-you card....ONLY KIDDING.
Anyway, this bout made me come to the reality that I still have some healing to do. I completely find it annoying how my past still has an effect on my present. Only I can change that.
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Post by shattered on Sept 23, 2008 9:16:20 GMT -5
I am so glad to read this!!
Yes, it is annoying, to say the least, how our past still effects our present. I am struggling with the same thing.
It sounds like you are handling it the best it can be handled.
Again, I am so glad things are fine -- and better than fine!
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Post by redskyatnight on Sept 23, 2008 10:35:08 GMT -5
I think at times, thanks to the awful emotional abuse my ex laid on me, I still battle feelings of insecurity. I know exactly how you feel. When I first left my ex, I had to think through every single decision looking at all the possible outcomes of every choice. It wasn't just big decisions either, but small ones, like should I use bleach to clean the outside plastic chairs. I had no idea how much my brain had rewired itself in those 16 years. It will get better with time and experience. I think it is more the experience that makes it better. You are faced with a similiar situation, one that triggers something, only the ax never falls. You wait for it for a long time, then realize the ax isn't going to fall. Sometimes, I look back and think, "Wow, was I really that bad. How in the world did his abuse make sense to me?" You'll be alright. Congratulations on having the courage to talk to your boyfriend.
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Post by wizer on Sept 25, 2008 18:11:42 GMT -5
One of the big differences between men and women...women tend to "let it all out"..if something is bothering them, we're going to find out about it, one way or the other...LOL....either with the "oh nothings wrong" in between the tears..or the sudden barrage of screaming and cursing...or something...
Guys...we tend to keep it inside..I've got some crap going on right now, relating to my kids and the divorce, and rather than share it with my GF, I keep it inside..it shows...she knows something's wrong, she asks me, and of course I tell her everything is fine.
That's what we do. Don't take it personally.
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Post by shattered on Sept 26, 2008 8:54:27 GMT -5
Wizer, yup, those are pretty much the patterns.
But you recognize them, and are aware of them. It's not like these patterns are always beyond our control. Wouldn't it be more fair, and helpful all around (to both of you), if you stopped lying?
Yes, yes, yes, you have your reasons, yadda yadda. But you are lying to her. Read your own words.
It just doesn't seem fair to continue to leave your SO in the dark. My ex did it to me all the time. Let's just say, it didn't ever help anything.
Just a thought...
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Post by shattered on Sept 26, 2008 8:57:33 GMT -5
P.S. If you don't want to talk to her about it, that is your right.
But I think it's her right to have honesty from you. So at least tell her, yes, there is something going on, no, it's not about us, and I simply don't want to talk about it, I need you to respect that.
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Post by redskyatnight on Sept 28, 2008 8:19:22 GMT -5
P.S. If you don't want to talk to her about it, that is your right. But I think it's her right to have honesty from you. So at least tell her, yes, there is something going on, no, it's not about us, and I simply don't want to talk about it, I need you to respect that. Awesome way to approach the situation!
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