Post by kittenhart on Sept 23, 2008 21:10:00 GMT -5
So I've been "getting back out there" (so to speak) over the last month or so....with mixed results
Here's what I've tried so far- speed dating, going out to bars and dance clubs with friends/ co-workers, hanging out at coffee shops working on my laptop, even joined my first ever co-ed gym (usually prefer to work out at women-only clubs...but figured a co-ed gym might at least give me something cute to look at ) and here's what I've observed so far....
the guys that talk to me/seem interested if I talk to them, dance with me, or flirt are all either at least a decade younger or at least a decade older than me. What is up with that?
I'm 36...so 24 is kindof young for me (to date with any seriousness, although some dancing etc is fine....hahahaha) and I also have a hard time seeing myself with someone older than 50 ....not that it's totally out of the question- just it would depend on the person, some people are already very "old" at 50. I'm a fairly "young" 36 (not that I'm immature, but I work mostly around people younger than myself).
I guess what I'm wondering is why guys my age don't seem to be interested, and if anyone else in their 30's has noticed this? Is it really that most mid-thirty-ish guys are already married?
Not that I have any objections to the cuties at my gym, or to the "older" gentleman who chatted with me last weekend (it was a welcome relief after a Fri night of frat boys spilling drinks on my shoes)
~ For us there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. ~
Hmm, Kittenhart. Seems you have realized a midlife issue. :-)
When I was first getting out there at 35-36 (I'm 39 now), I noticed the same thing (although from a guys perspective). I dated as young as 26, and I dated as "old" as 42.
What I didnt have any interest from, was from the women my age. The women my age, were looking for younger (and got guys that were looking for their next conquest), or they were looking for older (looking for long term).
Fact is, I think the average 35 or so person is in a bad spot. Its the average age to get divorced, thus the average age to either go crazy and try to prove yourself younger, or to look to the older to find something stable.
To answer your question, though...I think that at this age, we are all shocked at where we find ourselves, blind to what is right in front of us, and still wishful for what we had when we were younger.
Key is (in my opinion)...don't blind yourself, or fool yourself, to what is around you. Live, everyday. Keep your eyes open, your guard up, and your let your inhibitions down. This is the perfect time to find yourself, define yourself, and project yourself to everyone around you.
Guys in their early 20's have more balls than brains, and will hit on anyone and everyone.
Single guys over 40 have been around the block enough to know they have nothing to lose, and nearly all of them are going to want a younger woman.
I think right around age 30 is possibly the most conservative time of a man's life. The brain finally catches up with the hormones, and they realize they have an awful lot to worry about. And yes, marriage is part of that equation a pretty good percentage of the time, for better or for worse.
Not to paint with a broad brush or anything.
All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience. -Henry Miller
I guess what I'm wondering is [...]if anyone else in their 30's has noticed this?
Oh yes! (What do you think started all of the cougar references?? ;D)
I thought it was odd at first, too. Now I just think it's amusing. I actually had one guy lie about his age... like 25 is soooo much older than 22...
Look at it this way -- the young dudes have waaaay less baggage than guys in their 30s/40s (and, to be fair, so do the young chicks, but we don't have to let the young dudes in on that little tidbit yet...)