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Post by shattered on Sept 26, 2008 9:21:19 GMT -5
how something that would have near destroyed you less than a year ago, has so little effect on you now?
In June 2007, my ex and I went on a wonderful vacation to Mexico together.
He took almost all the pictures with his digital camera. We never got around to printing them out or e-mailing them to me, so I have none of them and will never see them again.
At first I was glad about that, because even just thinking of the wonderul Mexico memories made it almost too painful to breathe. Then, eventually, I thought it'd be nice to have some of the pix, just for posterity.
Anyway, there were a few pix that I did take -- I'd brought along one of those little disposable cameras.
I'd never gotten the film developed -- again, much too painful.
Well, I finally had the pictures developed a few days ago.
I can't even describe how I felt seeing them after all this time.
It was a combination of sadness and nothingness. Like it never even happened. It was surreal. We looked so happy in the pictures, and I, at least, was so happy during that week.
And now I look at pictures of this man, and it's like he's a stranger. Which is sad in a way, but mostly I'm incredibly grateful for that. It's still so sad, though. I mean, we held each other in our arms, and made love, and I loved his children, and we laughed together, and had some wonderful times, and we had a bond! How can that just go away.....
It's just so weird.
He doesn't even seem as handsome as I remembered him.
I felt sad. I even felt some slight pain. But mainly, I felt this weird, distancing, nothing.
P.S. I had taken some pix of him in the hotel room with his shirt off, laying in bed, and looking at the pix, I thought -- he's not as hot as I thought he was! The French guy is so much hotter! That's just amusing, but I do wonder how I'd feel looking at those pictures if I didn't have the wonderful distraction of now being gaga over someone else. My guess is it'd be harder.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Sept 26, 2008 11:37:52 GMT -5
It's amazing what time and distance from a situation can do. Plus, it says a great deal about the healing you've been doing over the last year. It can be hard not to have a touch of sadness over something that had indeed meant so much. That sentimental side can kick in rather easily. But, it also makes you realize that you've grown and you've changed. You're healing and the fact that it didn't just make you break down says a lot about the strength you've gained. Plus, as far as how handsome is, was, and doesn't seem now...Well, perception can play a HUGE part in how we see someone. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Now that you've seen him in a different light, it does change how you'd see him. I did the same thing when I saw my ex-husband in person for the 1st time. It had been a year after the split and we hadn't seen each other at all since he'd moved away to another state. I remember seeing him and going, "Wow, I used to think he was so sexy...Now look at him!" I had a hard time finding what it was I found so overly attractive about him to begin with! I am glad you got the pictures developed and got to take some time to look at them and reflect. Now, don't forget to reflect on how far you've come!!
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Post by gdgross on Sept 26, 2008 12:11:05 GMT -5
He doesn't even seem as handsome as I remembered him. A few weeks ago I brought the girl I'm dating to a bbq. My good friend (female) who was hosting it pulled me aside to compliment me and tell me how cool/hot/whatever this new girl was. In that conversation, it came out that she never thought I had good taste, at least as far as looks go, based on my ex and one other girl I'd dated since her. WTF?!?! I always thought I had good taste! Although I will admit that I don't think my ex is as hot as I used to.
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Post by kittenhart on Sept 26, 2008 17:40:34 GMT -5
It was a combination of sadness and nothingness. Like it never even happened. It was surreal. We looked so happy in the pictures... And now I look at pictures of this man, and it's like he's a stranger. Which is sad in a way, but mostly I'm incredibly grateful for that. I so know this feeling...but I think it is a sign that you are healing and moving on.....it is very surreal though, to think that someone who once meant everything to you, now seems like a stranger.
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Post by redskyatnight on Sept 28, 2008 8:17:58 GMT -5
I think if I developed some old pictures with the ex in them, I would vomit!
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Post by shattered on Sept 30, 2008 8:40:19 GMT -5
It's amazing what time and distance from a situation can do. Plus, it says a great deal about the healing you've been doing over the last year. It can be hard not to have a touch of sadness over something that had indeed meant so much. That sentimental side can kick in rather easily. But, it also makes you realize that you've grown and you've changed. You're healing and the fact that it didn't just make you break down says a lot about the strength you've gained. Plus, as far as how handsome is, was, and doesn't seem now...Well, perception can play a HUGE part in how we see someone. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Now that you've seen him in a different light, it does change how you'd see him. I did the same thing when I saw my ex-husband in person for the 1st time. It had been a year after the split and we hadn't seen each other at all since he'd moved away to another state. I remember seeing him and going, "Wow, I used to think he was so sexy...Now look at him!" I had a hard time finding what it was I found so overly attractive about him to begin with! I am glad you got the pictures developed and got to take some time to look at them and reflect. Now, don't forget to reflect on how far you've come!! Thanks, hoodie. And I'm absolutely thinking about how far I've come -- it's amazing. Whoo hoo!!! Good for me!!!
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Post by shattered on Sept 30, 2008 8:41:59 GMT -5
He doesn't even seem as handsome as I remembered him. A few weeks ago I brought the girl I'm dating to a bbq. My good friend (female) who was hosting it pulled me aside to compliment me and tell me how cool/hot/whatever this new girl was. In that conversation, it came out that she never thought I had good taste, at least as far as looks go, based on my ex and one other girl I'd dated since her. WTF?!?! I always thought I had good taste! Although I will admit that I don't think my ex is as hot as I used to. Well, if we're talking physical looks, then of course your taste was "good" -- it was yours! (After all, you, not your female friend, need to be turned on by her, right?) Taste when it comes to personality traits and character, can be another matter, of course.
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Post by shattered on Sept 30, 2008 8:43:37 GMT -5
It was a combination of sadness and nothingness. Like it never even happened. It was surreal. We looked so happy in the pictures... And now I look at pictures of this man, and it's like he's a stranger. Which is sad in a way, but mostly I'm incredibly grateful for that. I so know this feeling...but I think it is a sign that you are healing and moving on.....it is very surreal though, to think that someone who once meant everything to you, now seems like a stranger. Yes, it is so weird. Weird, weird, weird.
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Post by shattered on Sept 30, 2008 8:44:08 GMT -5
I think if I developed some old pictures with the ex in them, I would vomit! Ha, that might be a perfectly appropriate response!
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Post by wizer on Sept 30, 2008 13:54:00 GMT -5
I thought my life was over when my divorce action started...I would be financially devastated, my business down the tubes, barely enough money to get by on...funny thing is that losing my soontobe ex...never bothered me all that much..it was primarily the finances, the change in living situation, the estrangement from my kids...
Now, 2 years later...time, and distance...things are really looking up...even though my divorce won't be over until at least March 2009, when the trial is scheduled...emotionally, I think I can honestly say I have pretty much healed, and I am not nearly so negative nor devastated as I was back then.
The mind plays tricks..it can make you think...it can make you SURE, that things are much, much worse than they really are.
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