|
Post by nolongeryours on Oct 13, 2008 17:43:37 GMT -5
J and I have been dating for about a year and a half. Despite our age difference, (he is 12 years older than I) we get along beautifully. Never an argument, our kids all get along with one another, we get along great with each other's kids, basically it's all good.
Today we were having lunch together and just talking about stuff and he proceeds to tell me that once he retires (which isn't for another bunch of years) he is basically selling his house and moving out of the area.
At that point, all I could think of was, WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME? Perhaps I am over reacting, we've never spoken about marriage, retirement, etc in the past. Comment just didn't sit right with me. I wanted to say to him, WHAT ABOUT ME?? but didn't. Should I have said something?
|
|
|
Post by freckles on Oct 13, 2008 23:03:26 GMT -5
J and I have been dating for about a year and a half. Despite our age difference, (he is 12 years older than I) we get along beautifully. Never an argument, our kids all get along with one another, we get along great with each other's kids, basically it's all good. Today we were having lunch together and just talking about stuff and he proceeds to tell me that once he retires (which isn't for another bunch of years) he is basically selling his house and moving out of the area. At that point, all I could think of was, WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME? Perhaps I am over reacting, we've never spoken about marriage, retirement, etc in the past. Comment just didn't sit right with me. I wanted to say to him, WHAT ABOUT ME?? but didn't. Should I have said something? Yes
|
|
|
Post by rocko on Oct 14, 2008 8:02:29 GMT -5
I am not very good at what is the right thing to say. I say things and then think about what just popped out of my mouth.
I would have said, "what about us?"
He may plan on taking you with him. Who knows? Just talk to him about it.
|
|
|
Post by JimB on Oct 14, 2008 8:54:08 GMT -5
Think of it as a trial balloon. It's probably something he's floating out there to give you a chance to consider the idea.
My guess is this is something he really wants in his life, but isn't sure you'd really want. I don't know him, but my guess would be the invitation is implied.
|
|
|
Post by sheyd on Oct 14, 2008 9:17:49 GMT -5
I am a big one on open communication. I definitely think you should say something about it - non-confrontationally. More along the lines of talking about what each of you want with your future. It is a good way to see if your dreams mesh - then you can get into the discussion of whether or not you want to mesh them more later. And remember - dreams for the future change, and not all dreams and plans come true. You may BOTH want to move away, but for one reason or another be unable to - or you may end up HAVING to move, earlier than retirement, for some reason. The future can be dreamed about, plans made, but realize it isn't here yet, and don't stress too hard.
|
|
|
Post by redskyatnight on Oct 14, 2008 12:11:29 GMT -5
Like Shey said - anything can happen.
I'm not good with confronting about that sort of thing. I also realize that people are in my life right now; although, they may not be there tomorrow. I cherish them today and if they leave tomorrow, I will be thankful for the opportunity to have gotten to know them.
I'd probably say something like, "Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Ask a ton of questions about it. Find out what his passion is about it. Support him. He will probably share more about it.
|
|
|
Post by glassonion on Oct 14, 2008 13:58:58 GMT -5
Jim B - I think you may be onto something regarding the "trial balloon".
We went away together two weekends ago, as we checked into out hotel room, several times he refereed to our room as "the honeymoon suite". And now this whole thing about his plans, retirement, etc. Another thing that is making me go "HUMMM" is the fact that he is on this kick of painting his house, had me pick out all of the colors, and I am currently making and hanging all of the window treatments.
Maybe, just maybe Jim, this is all just a balloon he is tossing out there to see my response. I never thought of it in this manner.
|
|
|
Post by redskyatnight on Oct 14, 2008 14:36:12 GMT -5
I admire your Optimism. I'm concerned that he stated his plans without asking what you thought about it. Like its a done deal in his mind. I would be thinking he is setting up a scenerio that gives him an out at any point in the future.
I would be much more skeptical about the house too, thinking he had me pick out the colors because he is either too lazy or uable to pick a color. Same with the window dressings. Good curtains are expensive and hard to figure out what will look best.
I hope you are right and he is testing the water, so to speak.
|
|
|
Post by Kim Possible on Oct 15, 2008 16:29:06 GMT -5
While I have my own reservations about the whole 'forever' thing, after a year and a half, it's kind of implied that a couple is attempting the long haul, whether there have been promises or proposals, IMO. Having said that, I think it would come as a surpsise to me to hear this for the first time at this point, without a 'we' sentence thrown in there. I'm not big on confrontation either , and it's done already. Obviously, if it comes up again, I'd say you'd be within your right to ask for elaboration on that. I agree with Jim that he might have been trying to open the door to more conversation. Also, to elaborate on what Shey said, is this a realistic plan? You mentioned he has kids. is this something he would (or could) do finalncially? legally? or is this a pipe dream? My man and I want to travel the country in a Winnebago and see all the ballparks, but it is highly unlikely that it will happen .
|
|
|
Post by nolongeryours on Oct 18, 2008 15:21:19 GMT -5
Again, I am thinking that he is throwing comments out to see how I react to them.
Last night, we had our usual Friday night dinner together at his place and I noticed that everything he said was either "WE", "US", etc.
This morning, he was hanging a picture and made a comment that we just just hung our first picture together. He also made a comment several times about his son's dog being "our" dog, clearly referring to he and I. Also said something about "our yard", little stuff like that.
I know this has nothing to do with anything but i found it to be endearing, I woke up this morning to him staring at me while I was sleeping. As far as I know, this has never happened before.
What do you guys think? Is he planning a future together and trying to get my take on it or am I just over analyzing?
|
|
|
Post by Kim Possible on Oct 19, 2008 21:29:57 GMT -5
It may not be a future, but it certainly is a "present", which is a great thing.
And maybe, since you didn't bite on the bait that was the retirement comment, he figured he'd start with the here and now?
|
|