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Post by flowergirl on Oct 23, 2008 12:32:50 GMT -5
I have a great bf.....we've been together for quite sometime now. I know this may seen childish but he has never once told me he loves me, even though I am 99.99% sure that he does.
I ask this, what are some of the signs/signals, other than verbal, to tell if a guy loves you?
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Post by shattered on Oct 23, 2008 13:46:48 GMT -5
Let me just ask a few background questions:
How long have you been together?
How old are you, how old is he?
Do you live together?
Do you tell him that you love him?
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In general, yes, of course there are many, many non-verbal ways of showing someone you love him or her. Everything from physical affection to making time for the other person to calling when you say you will to moral support and thoughtful gestures.
But, and this is just my opinion: If you're in a long-term serious committed relationship, it's weird, if not troubling, if one person simply can't/won't/doesn't say "I love you."
Most people want and need to hear that from their SO.
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Post by flowergirl on Oct 24, 2008 7:38:10 GMT -5
Shattered: answers to your qusetions:
We've been together about 15 months. I am in my early 40's, he in his early 50's. We do not live together. I have not yet told him I love him.....guess I'm old school in the sense that I'm waiting for him to say it first. Stupid of me I know.
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Post by shattered on Oct 24, 2008 10:00:34 GMT -5
Flowergirl,
No, not stupid at all!!! I'm a modern woman who is all for equality, but that doesn't mean there aren't differences between the sexes, and I def. think that in almost every case the guy should say it first.
OK, you've been together for more than a year. That's more than enough time, IMO, for him to have said that he loves you.
It could certainly be the case that he loves you and has hang-ups about saying so. Bad past experiences with other women, perhaps. Or, he may feel strongly for you, without it being full-fledged love.
Do you love him? Do you want to be with him permanently, pehaps get married? If so, then I think you need to find out whether he feels the same way.
Probably you should have a talk. Non-accusatory, non-pressuring, but clear. At this stage in the relationship, you want -- and deserve -- to know his true feelings for you.
He may give you answer you dont' like, of course. But at least you'll know. Or he may try to avoid answering. Which I would take as an answer in itself.
If he does love you, he needs to be able to say so.
I'm not sure how helfpul my comments are. Perhaps someone else on this board has some more specific ideas of how to approach this delicate conversation with him.
Good luck to you, dear, and keep us posted.
shattered
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Post by JimB on Oct 24, 2008 10:25:52 GMT -5
Male perspective:
If you love him, why wait to tell him? What is really holding you back? "Waiting for him to say it first" seems silly to me. Of course, it's just as silly if he's waiting for you to say it first....
The "L" word requires a certain comfort level, but once you break the ice, it gets a lot easier. If you know you love him, you have absolutely nothing to lose by telling him so. And if you give it and don't get it back, well, that tells you something.
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Post by shattered on Oct 24, 2008 10:34:52 GMT -5
While I think in general it's up to the guy to say it first, I guess that applies more to the first few months (a lot has to do with not rushing the guy, pushing for commitment, otherwise the guy will run away, that whole routine).
In this case, together for more than a year, OK, I think Jim is right. As a matter of fact, I suppose this would be the surest and clearest way to get an answer: Tell him you love him. If he doesn't say he loves you, too, in a genuine way, then you have an opening right there to ask him to be honest with you about his feelings.
You might not like his answer, but the way he responds will be an answer. Like Jim said, "if you give it and don't get it back, well, that tells you something."
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Post by flowergirl on Oct 24, 2008 13:14:48 GMT -5
What are some non-verbal clues that he loves me?
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Post by sheyd on Oct 24, 2008 13:27:16 GMT -5
You are old enough to know the non-verbal cues. In fact, you wouldn't be saying he is wonderful if he wasn't already exhibiting the right loving cues. What you are really asking is for reassurance that the words don't matter. If they didn't matter to you, you wouldn't be asking for reassurance or "ways to tell".
If you aren't comfortable saying it first, what about just plain out asking? Can you just say, I know your actions are wonderful and say so, but do you love me? That way he can also answer yes or no without actually saying the words, and perhaps it can get into a bigger discussion?
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