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Post by loshyra on Feb 11, 2008 10:14:50 GMT -5
Ok, Since I have been sick, I have gained 30 lbs. So right now I weigh way more then I want to admit. It isn't my fault. The meds they have me on are making me gain. I can't work out because I am in tooo much pain. Lucky for me, my husband loves me for me. Not for my weight.
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Post by cdngurl on Feb 11, 2008 10:34:04 GMT -5
IT depressed me and made me eat more. I tried to eat better, but he wouldn't eat better with me and that made things harder. Been there myself, after having my daughter 6 1/2 years ago with my ex. I couldn't lose the baby weight, and food was the only sensual thing going on in our house..
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Post by freckles on Feb 11, 2008 10:37:54 GMT -5
Plump Women are very Sexy Love
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Post by rocko on Feb 11, 2008 10:40:41 GMT -5
calling a woman plump, is NOT.
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Post by ionysis on Feb 11, 2008 11:59:30 GMT -5
My ex is the same. I was 140 when we met but got as low as 120. He finds me attractive at 115 i.e. I've never been thin enough. I'm now eating about 1,300 calories a day and working out 7 days a week because he says he wants us to give things another try. I know that if I'm with him and want to feel comfortable I will have to go to the gym devotedly and watch what I eat for the rest of my life. I wish so very, very much that he could find me sexually attractive even when I'm bigger. But I prefer myself smaller so maybe its a good thing. And I'll be teaching my kids the importance of diet and exercise rather than blimping out. Its all such a minefield.
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Post by ionysis on Feb 11, 2008 11:59:34 GMT -5
My ex is the same. I was 140 when we met but got as low as 120. He finds me attractive at 115 i.e. I've never been thin enough. I'm now eating about 1,300 calories a day and working out 7 days a week because he says he wants us to give things another try. I know that if I'm with him and want to feel comfortable I will have to go to the gym devotedly and watch what I eat for the rest of my life. I wish so very, very much that he could find me sexually attractive even when I'm bigger. But I prefer myself smaller so maybe its a good thing. And I'll be teaching my kids the importance of diet and exercise rather than blimping out. Its all such a minefield.
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Post by rocko on Feb 11, 2008 12:08:54 GMT -5
I prefer myself thinner also, but I think your SO should except you no matter what. He can prefer you thinner, but still love you and want you when you are not.
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Post by ionysis on Feb 11, 2008 23:32:25 GMT -5
Yeah... I think he'd still love me - its the WANTING me part which isn't so easy. He says, and it is true that a man can't help what he finds sexually attractive and what he doesn't. I guess I find it hard, partly because it makes me feel bad about myself and like I want to hide and not let people see me when I'm fatter, but also because what he weights makes no difference to how much I want to sleep with him and it never has.
But men and women are not the same. Men are more visual and I do think that neurologically men and women "feel" sex differently. I just am not sure if I am prepared to make this lifelong commitment - I've always had other priorities. Nopt that I don't want to be fit or healthy but just that focusing on my body, makeup, hair, etc. etc. as a main priority in my life (and a time consuming one) is difficult for someone who has the kind of job that I do. And I'm not naturally sporty and certainly have genetics to contend with when you look at the rest of my family! And what about when I have kids? Will I feel disgusting for months afterwards knowing my husband thinks I'm grossly unnattractive until I lose the baby weight? I dunno. It's hard.
But probably not either the husband's or the wife's fault - just a mismatch in emotional needs. The only way is compromise.
In this couple's case I would ask the wife what specific needs she has that he isn't meeting and work together - he makes a compromise by fulfilling something she needs but isn't getting and she can do the same for him.
I said to my ex that I could try and do this for him if in retuen he made sure that he always communicated openly and honestly with me and never shut me out again. Both of us will find our respective crosses hard to bear, just because of our personalities, but its the only way the relationship could work.
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Post by freckles on Feb 11, 2008 23:47:24 GMT -5
Men are Visual
BUT
Speaking for myself
Women are Beautiful
Unless
They weigh 95 Pounds and Under
300 Pounds and Over
This a Woman having to look like a Super Model is Bunk
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Post by JimB on Feb 17, 2008 15:18:37 GMT -5
There are right ways and wrong ways to bring up one's individual desires and preferences in the context of an LTR. The guy who is the topic of this thread is a jackass - not because he prefers his wife to be thinner, but because he's using his preference to justify ignoring her. I suspect he doesn't really care that much about her weight, but wants to justify his ongoing use of porn. My gf isn't real happy with me these days because she lost 15 pounds and I didn't notice. Probably because I'm not all that hung up on appearance. I do know that weight loss has been a goal for her, and she feels physically a little better, so I'm glad for her. Hopefully I'll notice if she loses the additional 20 she's working on - otherwise I might have to change my sleeping arrangements.
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Post by lumpy on Feb 17, 2008 16:08:22 GMT -5
The guy who is the topic of this thread is a jackass - not because he prefers his wife to be thinner, but because he's using his preference to justify ignoring her. I suspect he doesn't really care that much about her weight, but wants to justify his ongoing use of porn. Oh my, JimB got all of that one! Anything that flies that far, that fast, should have a stewardess on it!
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Post by blazinheart on Feb 17, 2008 20:37:53 GMT -5
I would definitely still have sex with my wife even if she were 30 pounds overweight, but that's just me, and I need my sex. But, my wife would most likely never become 30 pounds overweight since I keep healthy foods in my fridge and cupboard.
My wife(future) will understand what a healthy diet consists of, and she will understand the value of regular excersize both for the body and the mind.
She will also know that I think being overweight is unattractive...to me. And if she so chooses to pursue and unhealthy diet and stop excersizing and becomes overweight, it'll be no surprise to her that I show a lack of interest in her body.
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Post by fluffypants on Feb 17, 2008 23:24:09 GMT -5
The guy who is the topic of this thread is a jackass - not because he prefers his wife to be thinner, but because he's using his preference to justify ignoring her. I suspect he doesn't really care that much about her weight, but wants to justify his ongoing use of porn. Oh my, JimB got all of that one! Anything that flies that far, that fast, should have a stewardess on it! Omg..You did NOT just post a movie of scrub Jacques Jones hitting a belt high inside pitch into the seats? Congrats man, what you got there is a very rare find! Most of the video you ever see of JJ is of him striking out.
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JC
Full Member
Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Feb 18, 2008 7:43:32 GMT -5
I would definitely still have sex with my wife even if she were 30 pounds overweight, but that's just me, and I need my sex. But, my wife would most likely never become 30 pounds overweight since I keep healthy foods in my fridge and cupboard. My wife(future) will understand what a healthy diet consists of, and she will understand the value of regular excersize both for the body and the mind. She will also know that I think being overweight is unattractive...to me. And if she so chooses to pursue and unhealthy diet and stop excersizing and becomes overweight, it'll be no surprise to her that I show a lack of interest in her body. this is what i was talking about. maybe the guy should have said it different, whatever, but he does have a right to think the way he wants too... people like what they like. now, if weight were the only issue, than i would expect the wife to work hard at getting back to her before weight, not just for him, but for the marriage.
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Post by ionysis on Feb 18, 2008 8:38:38 GMT -5
I think you're right JC, hence why I'm working my ass off at the gym every night.
I agree with Jim B the guy is an asshole because of the way he is treating his wife, but not because he finds her less sexually appealing when she is heavy.
IMO if you love someone you should do whatever you can to avoid deliberately hurting them. You can't MAKE yourself have sex with someone you don't find physically attractive but you can be tender and understanding and encourage her to get back into shape in a kind way.
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