Post by super on Oct 27, 2008 10:14:29 GMT -5
for the first time i am finally really single. after my ex and i broke up it was only a few months before i started really dating someone, and that continued for a long time. i definitely developed some strong feelings for him, but not the kind that could have led to something more. i'm not sure if it was a bad fit or just bad timing, but it is over while i'm traveling around.
i've finally realized emotionally what i've known for a long time; i wanted to get out of the relationship with my ex for years. the real reason i was so sad about it is the way it ended, and the fact that he acted like it was nothing. like i had been nothing.
i delayed some of the feelings that i'm experiencing now by dating so quickly. i feel worthless, and ugly, and that deep down no one will ever love me again. that i'll have to settle and that i have nothing to offer. i KNOW that none of this is true, but it's how i feel right now.
i feel kind of bereft. that there is no one there to hold me, or care for me. since i'm traveling alone, there are no friends to hide behind either.
it has officially been a year since my break up. it seems like it should be over, that it shouldn't still bother me. well, it does. when i think about the early good times it's like my heart will break. when i think about anything that occurred in the last three years i feel so angry.
i guess i'm just going through the steps again, but at least this time it's not as deep or as painful. sometimes i wonder if i'll ever really be happy. it seems like i'm always searching for something, chasing some goal, or leaving and moving on. i wish i could have been one of those people that was content to just marry, settle down, and work in a job. i wish i'd been the type A i thought that i was. mostly i wish that i had met someone that didn't mind letting me be me instead of wanting me to change, and trying to change me.
blah blah blah, thanks for letting me get it out!
i've finally realized emotionally what i've known for a long time; i wanted to get out of the relationship with my ex for years. the real reason i was so sad about it is the way it ended, and the fact that he acted like it was nothing. like i had been nothing.
i delayed some of the feelings that i'm experiencing now by dating so quickly. i feel worthless, and ugly, and that deep down no one will ever love me again. that i'll have to settle and that i have nothing to offer. i KNOW that none of this is true, but it's how i feel right now.
i feel kind of bereft. that there is no one there to hold me, or care for me. since i'm traveling alone, there are no friends to hide behind either.
it has officially been a year since my break up. it seems like it should be over, that it shouldn't still bother me. well, it does. when i think about the early good times it's like my heart will break. when i think about anything that occurred in the last three years i feel so angry.
i guess i'm just going through the steps again, but at least this time it's not as deep or as painful. sometimes i wonder if i'll ever really be happy. it seems like i'm always searching for something, chasing some goal, or leaving and moving on. i wish i could have been one of those people that was content to just marry, settle down, and work in a job. i wish i'd been the type A i thought that i was. mostly i wish that i had met someone that didn't mind letting me be me instead of wanting me to change, and trying to change me.
blah blah blah, thanks for letting me get it out!
