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Post by hoodieprincess on Oct 31, 2008 14:32:01 GMT -5
Shattered asked so I thought I'd post (because I refused to hijack her thread - lol)...
Today is about having fun. In an attempt to do so, I even dressed up for Halloween. I did my hair and my make-up. Some girlfriends from work and I all came in the same style. It's good and I am trying really hard to have fun.
I am trying to not think of J or be sad today...
It's just not working.
I brought my camera to take pics of me and the girls at work. It still has all my pics with J on it. And, everyone keeps pointing out how much he'd have loved to see what I look like today...How it would stop him in his tracks. I don't want to know.
I'm going from here to my married friends house so we can take all the kids out tonight. After we get the kids to bed, her and I are going to hang out, have a few glasses of wine, and just have some girl time. But, it's sad. Her and her hubby are who set me up w/ J to start...The last time I was there, he was there.
I felt like this last week, I've been making some progress. I realized I did so well not texting him back. He said his piece after I texted him the other day and there really was no answer I could give him. Due to my heavy emotions, anything would have been said on impulse. So, I never answered. I'm proud of that. I have been having more fun with me and the kids on my own and trying to not feel lonely. I have been trying to just focus on me and all the other HUGE stresses I have right now. As much as I wish it would all go away, it's at least proved to be quite a distraction.
I keep thinking about the party he was supposed to be having tomorrow and how I was supposed to be going...I keep going home to a house FULL of stuff that reminds me of him (because it's things he gave me, bought for me, or I bought from his neighbor)...I have a camera with his pictures still. While I've been doing good, today is just sad.
I miss him...
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Post by shattered on Oct 31, 2008 14:47:01 GMT -5
Hoodie,
I know we can all relate to emotions like this so well.
All these reminders. Some of them you can't do anything about, but it seems to me, some you can:
-- Please ask your co-workers nicely but seriously not to bring him up, ceratinly not in that light-hearted way, that it hurts you.
-- May I inquire why you still have all his stuff in plain view in your house??? I'm not saying you need to throw any of it away -- but for now, it needs to be OUT OF SIGHT. Put stuff in a box, drawers, closet, whatever.
None of this will make today any less sad, of course. But I do think not having constant visual reminders will be helpful in the future. You'll think of him without the visual cues, true, but I bet not as often, and often not as painfully.
Today is very sad. Of course you miss him.
I am sorry, sweetie. Keep hanging in there.
And call me tonight if you need to!!!
The Halloween party I am going to -- alone -- is a rather family-oriented affair, and is starting very early, so I expect to be home early, probably around 9 pm. French guy was supposed to come with me, of course, and we were going to go out together afterwards, but now I have no plans for afterwards.
On the off-chance that I end up coming home late and you call and I'm not there -- leave me a message and let me know how late I can call you back. And remind me what timezone Colorado is in -- mountain?
Thinking of you,
Shattered
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Post by hoodieprincess on Oct 31, 2008 16:27:13 GMT -5
I did ask them all to not bring him up...I explained that I know they were trying to be helpful in hopes of the "oh he'd be sorry now" sort of way but it just wasn't helping. They've stuck by that.
And, the stuff at my house is stuff that's kind of hard to pack away (aside from cds and movies). He gave the kids each tvs. One was left at their house by previous residents and one was his. They were identical and he thought that it would be nice for the kids...I can't take them away now. I needed dishes so since he had recently moved in with a roommate, he gave me his. The movies we bought when we went shopping or they are ones he bought for me. Same with the cds...They'd be easier to pack. My lamps I purchased from his neighbor. I have no money to replace them and they are the only light source for my living room. So, I guess they'll stay too. I am working really hard on making all that stuff seem like "our" stuff for our house and not remind me of him. Some days it just doesn't work as easy.
Thanks again for being there for me through this, I know what a mess of your own you have too.
And, yes, I am in Mountain time...But, I'll be up late tonight so call me if you need anything.
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Post by shattered on Oct 31, 2008 16:42:41 GMT -5
Oh, hoodie, I see how almost of all of that stuff can indeed not just be tucked away.
I'm sorry. I feel insenstive now for pushing you on that, as if, had it been that easy to do, you wouldn't already have done so on your own.
Hey, no need for thanks, this works both ways, and you've already been the one listening to me be a wreck on phone!
Is mountain one hour or two hours different from EST?
Hugs.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Oct 31, 2008 17:07:33 GMT -5
We are 2 hours different.  And, you don't feel the need to be thanked but I am very greatful all the same! |
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Post by jules on Nov 1, 2008 14:07:03 GMT -5
I hope today is a better day.
(Btw, I love Tori Amos and that line in particular. I can relate.)
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Post by hoodieprincess on Nov 3, 2008 10:54:26 GMT -5
I hope today is a better day. (Btw, I love Tori Amos and that line in particular. I can relate.) Thank you...Saturday was still fairly rough but I did better. A girlfriend and I went out dancing while her husband babysat my son. T is lacking horribly in adult male bonding so he said it would be a great idea for him to keep T and us girls go get out. So, Saturday was a day to try and lift my spirits. I dyed my hair (for the 1st time in my life) and love it...I bought a new shirt and jeans (and managed to only spend $10)...I went out dancing and for a change, felt no twinges of insecurity...I had an amazing time and danced my little butt off and laughed like I haven't in a long time. So, today I find my spirits are much higher than they were at the end of the week. I guess I kind of took this weekend as a mini-vacation. I needed it mentally and I am happy to report that I think it paid off fairly well with a rather positive outcome. Thanks for the support!! |
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Post by redskyatnight on Nov 3, 2008 11:07:06 GMT -5
You are hanging in there! It is a sign of strength that you are able to continue having a good time without him. You are doing all the right stuff and even enjoying some of it. Here's to hoping things continue to get better.
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Post by shattered on Nov 5, 2008 17:02:37 GMT -5
I hope today is a better day. (Btw, I love Tori Amos and that line in particular. I can relate.) Thank you...Saturday was still fairly rough but I did better. A girlfriend and I went out dancing while her husband babysat my son. T is lacking horribly in adult male bonding so he said it would be a great idea for him to keep T and us girls go get out. So, Saturday was a day to try and lift my spirits. I dyed my hair (for the 1st time in my life) and love it...I bought a new shirt and jeans (and managed to only spend $10)...I went out dancing and for a change, felt no twinges of insecurity...I had an amazing time and danced my little butt off and laughed like I haven't in a long time. So, today I find my spirits are much higher than they were at the end of the week. I guess I kind of took this weekend as a mini-vacation. I needed it mentally and I am happy to report that I think it paid off fairly well with a rather positive outcome. Thanks for the support!! Hoodie, This is great. Good for you!!! I was so glad to read this. Have your spirits been OK since then? Hugs, shattered |
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