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Post by redskyatnight on Nov 5, 2008 13:47:08 GMT -5
Aside from a few of the guys on this board, I don't think there are any good men left. A dear friend of mine just found out her boyfriend has been flirting with a women, going as far as having dates and making vacation plans together.
I've seen too much lately. I've talked with too many people who are cheated on.
Why, for god's sake, why don’t people play it straight? Why keep someone around if they are playing with fire? Is it selfishness or do they really care about each and every person they play with?
I'm afraid I'm gonna turn out like jules, jaded and cynical. I want to hope for true love and friendship, but the only place I see it anymore is the movies.
You know, I understand free-will and people coming and going in our lives. I may spend lots of time with my friends for a couple weeks, then not see them again for months. I never get bothered that they spend time with other people. How come in relationships we can’t apply that same criteria? Does culture play a role it in?
People get attached and when it doesn’t work out, they are hurt. Why is there so much hurt when we are all looking for someone to love us?
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Post by sheyd on Nov 5, 2008 14:20:51 GMT -5
We all pretty much DO have people who love us - we just don't value it as highly as someone to love us above all others to the point where they don't even want to care about others the same way... Maybe if we realized that love doesn't have to come in a one size fits all "partner" package we would see how much good and true love there really is in this world (friends, family, etc)...
The trouble is... everyone is loveable. So to "not cheat" - to be truly dedicated to someone else - takes work. We all WANT someone to love us as completely special, but are afraid they won't because of our flaws, without realizing we have to accept our flaws and someone elses AND accept that having those flaws means that neither person will be perfect and lovely to the other at all times. We can even sometimes accept that we won't always love and want our partner - and still we can remain true to them - but we are hurt when they don't always love and want us. And we are surprised when someone who doesn't have the "work on it ethic" starts to romantically think about others.
It isn't the sparks and romance that makes a good lasting relationship, it is the willingness to stick when those things aren't there. Find someone like THAT - and you have a true partner. Then throw in a little romance and sparks now and then - you are supremely lucky (just don't expect it all the time, or you will be disappointed in what is actually a really good relationship.)
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c
Junior Member
Posts: 52
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Post by c on Nov 5, 2008 14:31:52 GMT -5
I gave up on true love. I'm happy with finding someone who appreciates me for the ass that I am. In the end if your not gettign along because of who you are there's no hope.. Just a ticking clock till one of the pair up and leaves. Forget true love. The whole idea dies once a person exeriences getting dumbed or cheated on in that first serious relationship they put their heart in. It's the true loss of virginity in my book. After that nothing will ever be like it was when it comes to finding a new love.
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Post by jules on Nov 5, 2008 14:51:19 GMT -5
I'm afraid I'm gonna turn out like jules, jaded and cynical. Um... huh? So I'm the resident jaded cynic? Good to know. |
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Post by redskyatnight on Nov 5, 2008 15:55:22 GMT -5
I'm afraid I'm gonna turn out like jules, jaded and cynical. Um... huh? So I'm the resident jaded cynic? Good to know. Oh crap! I didn't mean to offend. You seem to take a hard line when it comes to relationships and I find it a welcome view. Kinda like a jolt that wakes you up. I'm sorry if I offended you. |
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Post by shattered on Nov 5, 2008 17:51:37 GMT -5
We all pretty much DO have people who love us - we just don't value it as highly as someone to love us above all others to the point where they don't even want to care about others the same way... Maybe if we realized that love doesn't have to come in a one size fits all "partner" package we would see how much good and true love there really is in this world (friends, family, etc)... The trouble is... everyone is loveable. So to "not cheat" - to be truly dedicated to someone else - takes work. We all WANT someone to love us as completely special, but are afraid they won't because of our flaws, without realizing we have to accept our flaws and someone elses AND accept that having those flaws means that neither person will be perfect and lovely to the other at all times. We can even sometimes accept that we won't always love and want our partner - and still we can remain true to them - but we are hurt when they don't always love and want us. And we are surprised when someone who doesn't have the "work on it ethic" starts to romantically think about others. It isn't the sparks and romance that makes a good lasting relationship, it is the willingness to stick when those things aren't there. Find someone like THAT - and you have a true partner. Then throw in a little romance and sparks now and then - you are supremely lucky (just don't expect it all the time, or you will be disappointed in what is actually a really good relationship.) Well said. It think that is it. I just wish it weren't next to impossible to find someone to have such a relationship with. |
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Post by jules on Nov 5, 2008 23:41:17 GMT -5
Um... huh? So I'm the resident jaded cynic? Good to know. Oh crap! I didn't mean to offend. You seem to take a hard line when it comes to relationships and I find it a welcome view. Kinda like a jolt that wakes you up. I'm sorry if I offended you. Oh honey, no offense taken. I'm sort of impressed that I talk a better game than I thought I did.  Don't you know that every cynic is really a closet romantic in denial? I do take a "hard line" in my mind if only to compensate for a soft heart. Being consistantly pragmatic in my approach helps to keep me from getting too carried away (sometimes.) It's ironic -- I was actually mulling over very similar thoughts just last night, only not just in regards to romantic relationships, but rather to the way people in the world treat each other in general. The only answer I can come up with is that misery loves company -- and begets more misery. Meaning people are forever searching outside of themselves to find fulfillment, while that fulfillment has to come from within. People truly comfortable in their own skin are less likely to lash out at others, intentionally or not. It seems a bit hopeless at times. I guess the only thing each of us can do is start from within and pay it forward in a sense. And hope that in doing so we can put more goodness out into the world. Maybe then us cynics may one day become comfortable enough to come out of the closet.  |
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Post by RO on Nov 6, 2008 0:40:22 GMT -5
Funny, that this topic was posted when I am sorting through similar issues myself. So tired of all the cheating and lying that goes on in the world and so much more then innocent white lies. As someone that knows jules deeply... I guarantee you that she talks a good game when her head is in charge but give leeway to that heart...that enormous heart and she is overruled. She is like the majority of us a romantic. No, no one wants to read it in novels (fiction) or watch it in cinema where there is always a happily every after ending that just isn't real life. We do, however, want to believe that it is still possible. I think the fact that many of us here are victims of some type of betrayal... It has stolen that innocence but that doesn't make it bad...it just makes it more difficult to move forward without trying to put a wall around your heart. It is better to feel then to not feel. Be grateful that you still do see the injustice and do feel the hurt. It means your heart is still alive and well and ready for the next opportunity to love. Because loving like it is the first time and releasing yourself fully is what makes life wonderful. |
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Post by rocko on Nov 6, 2008 8:48:44 GMT -5
Funny, that this topic was posted when I am sorting through similar issues myself. So tired of all the cheating and lying that goes on in the world and so much more then innocent white lies. As someone that knows jules deeply... I guarantee you that she talks a good game when her head is in charge but give leeway to that heart...that enormous heart and she is overruled. She is like the majority of us a romantic. No, no one wants to read it in novels (fiction) or watch it in cinema where there is always a happily every after ending that just isn't real life. We do, however, want to believe that it is still possible. I think the fact that many of us here are victims of some type of betrayal... It has stolen that innocence but that doesn't make it bad...it just makes it more difficult to move forward without trying to put a wall around your heart. It is better to feel then to not feel. Be grateful that you still do see the injustice and do feel the hurt. It means your heart is still alive and well and ready for the next opportunity to love. Because loving like it is the first time and releasing yourself fully is what makes life wonderful. I have missed you and your optimism lately. ((HUGS)) |
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Post by jules on Nov 6, 2008 11:40:14 GMT -5
Geez, RO, do you have to blow my cover so completely? |
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Post by shattered on Nov 6, 2008 12:29:27 GMT -5
Oh crap! I didn't mean to offend. You seem to take a hard line when it comes to relationships and I find it a welcome view. Kinda like a jolt that wakes you up. I'm sorry if I offended you. Oh honey, no offense taken. I'm sort of impressed that I talk a better game than I thought I did. Don't you know that every cynic is really a closet romantic in denial? I do take a "hard line" in my mind if only to compensate for a soft heart. Being consistantly pragmatic in my approach helps to keep me from getting too carried away (sometimes.) It's ironic -- I was actually mulling over very similar thoughts just last night, only not just in regards to romantic relationships, but rather to the way people in the world treat each other in general. The only answer I can come up with is that misery loves company -- and begets more misery. Meaning people are forever searching outside of themselves to find fulfillment, while that fulfillment has to come from within. People truly comfortable in their own skin are less likely to lash out at others, intentionally or not. It seems a bit hopeless at times. I guess the only thing each of us can do is start from within and pay it forward in a sense. And hope that in doing so we can put more goodness out into the world. Maybe then us cynics may one day become comfortable enough to come out of the closet. Jules, I agree with you that misery loves company and with much else that you said, but I'm thinking that romantic relationships are probably in a category all on their own. Unique, and not comparable to any kind of non-romantic relationship, whether among family members, friends, or between countries. Romantic love, and sex, and all the emotions and hormones that are released, for better or for worse, will probably always make romantic love the most wonderful and the most painful and the most confusing and the most irresistable thing in the world to most people. Sadly, I think there are very few solutions to this pain. But, I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything these days. I feel utterly disoriented about everything. Shattered |
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Nov 6, 2008 13:01:20 GMT -5
Don't you know that every cynic is really a closet romantic in denial? Oh how true that is Jules!!! I swore up and down on that train for a really long time. Now I have found a man who is totally amazing and we are getting married in less than 6 months and I'm finding myself getting awfully "girly" about it all. *blush* |
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Post by redskyatnight on Nov 6, 2008 13:29:57 GMT -5
Don't you know that every cynic is really a closet romantic in denial? Oh how true that is Jules!!! I swore up and down on that train for a really long time. Now I have found a man who is totally amazing and we are getting married in less than 6 months and I'm finding myself getting awfully "girly" about it all. *blush* You both make me smile. |
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Post by amola on Nov 6, 2008 13:37:18 GMT -5
Now I have found a man who is totally amazing and we are getting married in less than 6 months and I'm finding myself getting awfully "girly" about it all. *blush* awfully girly? try uber-disgustingly-so-totally-not-like-you girly!!! ;D |
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Post by jules on Nov 6, 2008 13:38:05 GMT -5
Shattered, while I appreciate the difference between romantic and platonic love and relationships, I don't think they are entirely different animals. How one relates with and treats his or her lover is likely to be similar with other relationships in his or her life, especially over the long term. I don't think that the honeymoon phase of any relationship can really be indicative of a person's true colors. I don't think that hormones are capable of changing a person's character. Mel, I look at perceived cynicism as a protective coating (of which some of us have more than one.  ) It takes some work on the part of the other person to get to the sweet, mushy stuff inside. Only someone who is willing to do that work is worth getting the reward. |
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Don't you know that every cynic is really a closet romantic in denial?
) It takes some work on the part of the other person to get to the sweet, mushy stuff inside. Only someone who is willing to do that work is worth getting the reward.