Post by ionysis on Jan 7, 2008 1:04:20 GMT -5
I've finally committed to being with someone I've known for a long time now. The problem is he lives 4,000 miles away.
I've never had a LDR before except when I was at university and my boyfriend left the year before I did. That was easy in comparison because we already knew and loved each other by the time he moved away.
This is more challenging. I've been seeing Steve casually and going on dates with him everytime I've been back in London on business trips for ten months now. We've taken things slowly and get to know each other bit by bit because of the distance. It has been good and has meant that I've still been able to be free and single for the last year in Abu Dhabi - a time I really needed after my ex left me. However I am moving back to London in 6 months so we've decided to try and make things work with a view to something serious lasting between us when I get back.
The problem is I've never done this before. I've been single now for a year and was in relationships for ten years before that so I'm totally lost as to what is the "right" thing to do at the beginning of a relationship. It is made all the more difficult because we aren't together often. When you first start seeing someone seriously there are times when you don't want to or don't feel comfortable verbalising an emotion - if they are right next to you you don't have to - a look or a touch or a kiss can say exactly what you need. I don't have that luxury unfortunately and I'm really struggling with how muchI should be saying about my feelings / thoughts and even how often I should be in contact with him. I have no idea how often I should be calling / texting without looking like either an invasive stalker or seeming standoffish and disinterested.
I'm good at showing people I love them and making someone feel special when we are in a secure loving relationship but I'm so very, very out of practice with the early stages where you need to show someone you like them without looking like a bunny boiler. I'm very scared I'm going to screw this up.
I know that the sensible thing to do would be to "talk" to him about it. But I'm scared of looking like a basket case if I say all that to him. I guess if I'm honest I am terrified of getting my heart broken again - but that's a given for people like us isn't it?
He knows my history and that I've been hurt badly and lied to and he is sympathetic but no woman wants to come across as anything less than confident and secure in the early stages of a relationship. I keep thinking that there will be time to show him my vulnerable side when I'm not so frightened of him.
An added problem is that he has never been in a serious relationship before and so is not "trained" in how to handle / communicate with a girlfriend. Not ideal, and I always swore I'd never get involved with someone who hadn't been "broken in" in a relationship sense but he is such a great guy I had to take the chance.
Now I'm rambling so I'll stop. Re-reading this it sounds like I'm a wreck but this is the only guy I've met since my ex who I actually see a real long term future with and I don't want to screw it up.
Help?
I've never had a LDR before except when I was at university and my boyfriend left the year before I did. That was easy in comparison because we already knew and loved each other by the time he moved away.
This is more challenging. I've been seeing Steve casually and going on dates with him everytime I've been back in London on business trips for ten months now. We've taken things slowly and get to know each other bit by bit because of the distance. It has been good and has meant that I've still been able to be free and single for the last year in Abu Dhabi - a time I really needed after my ex left me. However I am moving back to London in 6 months so we've decided to try and make things work with a view to something serious lasting between us when I get back.
The problem is I've never done this before. I've been single now for a year and was in relationships for ten years before that so I'm totally lost as to what is the "right" thing to do at the beginning of a relationship. It is made all the more difficult because we aren't together often. When you first start seeing someone seriously there are times when you don't want to or don't feel comfortable verbalising an emotion - if they are right next to you you don't have to - a look or a touch or a kiss can say exactly what you need. I don't have that luxury unfortunately and I'm really struggling with how muchI should be saying about my feelings / thoughts and even how often I should be in contact with him. I have no idea how often I should be calling / texting without looking like either an invasive stalker or seeming standoffish and disinterested.
I'm good at showing people I love them and making someone feel special when we are in a secure loving relationship but I'm so very, very out of practice with the early stages where you need to show someone you like them without looking like a bunny boiler. I'm very scared I'm going to screw this up.
I know that the sensible thing to do would be to "talk" to him about it. But I'm scared of looking like a basket case if I say all that to him. I guess if I'm honest I am terrified of getting my heart broken again - but that's a given for people like us isn't it?
He knows my history and that I've been hurt badly and lied to and he is sympathetic but no woman wants to come across as anything less than confident and secure in the early stages of a relationship. I keep thinking that there will be time to show him my vulnerable side when I'm not so frightened of him.
An added problem is that he has never been in a serious relationship before and so is not "trained" in how to handle / communicate with a girlfriend. Not ideal, and I always swore I'd never get involved with someone who hadn't been "broken in" in a relationship sense but he is such a great guy I had to take the chance.
Now I'm rambling so I'll stop. Re-reading this it sounds like I'm a wreck but this is the only guy I've met since my ex who I actually see a real long term future with and I don't want to screw it up.
Help?
