Post by crushy on Nov 27, 2008 3:21:33 GMT -5
When my ex first left 5 yrs ago for a family friend, I was devastated, hurt and then angry. As soon as I found out there was an OW, I began to accept things because there would be NO going back, but later he hit me with a custody suit.
I was over the last shred of him when I got custody papers (almost 3 yrs after the divorce). I still hung on to some of that anger, resentment and hate because I felt the pending custody battle, court appearances, tons of $ spent on the case, etc kept our conflict alive...In some weird way, I thought I had to retain all of the negatives to defend myself. NO MORE.
I'm realizing that all of that negative history has not served any purpose, but to keep me in upheaval (and subsequently my 2 sons) for far too long.
We are scheduled for trial the end of February, but I feel the healthiest thing is to make peace with the right here and now, not wait for the verdict to validate me or give me some sense of peace or control. I know I have to find it within and I'm closer to that than I thought I could ever be.
I know I may still get upset with new developments, but I have a choice to take some time to put things in perspective before I react, learn from and embrace the lessons the past has given me, embrace my present, and plan and be pro-active with my future. I realize this is going to be particularly frustrating and challenging since I'm still in the throws of the custody battle which includes (most recently) all of my banking records subpoenaed (to be followed by his scrutiny
- None of his damned business). Child support is 1/4 of one mortgage pmt and he's complaining? Like my attorney says, just another attempt at harassment and obsessive nosiness.
I know it's not a light switch, but I am going to take back whatever control and dignity I can with what I have before me right now. I have soooooo many great things to be thankful for and I'm not going to take them for granted because of him.
My sons are number one and all of my time and energy should be spent on them. The rest is out of my control. I've done the best I can and will continue to, but my sons need me here and now. As teen boys, sometimes they just need to know I'm there if they need me, but they also need some privacy and space to figure things out on their own.
Thanks to all for your support, advice, kind words. You've helped me more than you will ever know.
Life is just too short...I've told my sons many times that whatever they are going through may feel earth shattering and life changing at times because they have less years and experiences to draw on, making life seem so much more intense - and possibly make keeping things in perspective a little harder to do, but that does not invalidate their feelings in any way. They own their feelings and their actions as well as the rewards and consequences.
My oldest confided in me in my in the car yesterday. He seemed relieved to hear I not only had suggestions, but would find a way for him to accomplish what he wanted. At the beginning of our talk, he said he knew what he wanted, but didn't know how to get it.
This particular morning, he chose to tell me what was bothering him and was pretty happy when he got out of the car after I promised I had it within my control and means to help him put things in motion since it's quite a long-term goal that will require a lot of work, determination and time on his part... I am so proud of him.
Crush
I was over the last shred of him when I got custody papers (almost 3 yrs after the divorce). I still hung on to some of that anger, resentment and hate because I felt the pending custody battle, court appearances, tons of $ spent on the case, etc kept our conflict alive...In some weird way, I thought I had to retain all of the negatives to defend myself. NO MORE.
I'm realizing that all of that negative history has not served any purpose, but to keep me in upheaval (and subsequently my 2 sons) for far too long.
We are scheduled for trial the end of February, but I feel the healthiest thing is to make peace with the right here and now, not wait for the verdict to validate me or give me some sense of peace or control. I know I have to find it within and I'm closer to that than I thought I could ever be.
I know I may still get upset with new developments, but I have a choice to take some time to put things in perspective before I react, learn from and embrace the lessons the past has given me, embrace my present, and plan and be pro-active with my future. I realize this is going to be particularly frustrating and challenging since I'm still in the throws of the custody battle which includes (most recently) all of my banking records subpoenaed (to be followed by his scrutiny
- None of his damned business). Child support is 1/4 of one mortgage pmt and he's complaining? Like my attorney says, just another attempt at harassment and obsessive nosiness. I know it's not a light switch, but I am going to take back whatever control and dignity I can with what I have before me right now. I have soooooo many great things to be thankful for and I'm not going to take them for granted because of him.
My sons are number one and all of my time and energy should be spent on them. The rest is out of my control. I've done the best I can and will continue to, but my sons need me here and now. As teen boys, sometimes they just need to know I'm there if they need me, but they also need some privacy and space to figure things out on their own.
Thanks to all for your support, advice, kind words. You've helped me more than you will ever know.
Life is just too short...I've told my sons many times that whatever they are going through may feel earth shattering and life changing at times because they have less years and experiences to draw on, making life seem so much more intense - and possibly make keeping things in perspective a little harder to do, but that does not invalidate their feelings in any way. They own their feelings and their actions as well as the rewards and consequences.
My oldest confided in me in my in the car yesterday. He seemed relieved to hear I not only had suggestions, but would find a way for him to accomplish what he wanted. At the beginning of our talk, he said he knew what he wanted, but didn't know how to get it.
This particular morning, he chose to tell me what was bothering him and was pretty happy when he got out of the car after I promised I had it within my control and means to help him put things in motion since it's quite a long-term goal that will require a lot of work, determination and time on his part... I am so proud of him.
Crush
(Of course I'm exaggerating, but I'm spitting nails right now... 
) Yep, I need a time out. 
