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Post by amola on Jan 21, 2009 23:44:14 GMT -5
.........you knew for a fact that your spouse had been drinking, and then got behind the wheel of a car?
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Post by amola on Jan 22, 2009 10:04:55 GMT -5
oh, and anyone who already knows the story behind this is not allowed to answer...... i just want to get some opinions....
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Post by JimB on Jan 22, 2009 10:09:01 GMT -5
The current propaganda says it's completely unacceptable, but IMO it depends on how much he drank and whether he can handle it.
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Post by amola on Jan 22, 2009 10:24:10 GMT -5
good point.......let me rephrase:
.........you knew for a fact that your spouse was drunk, and then got behind the wheel of a car?
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Post by jules on Jan 22, 2009 11:15:34 GMT -5
I'd let him know I was pissed and that it was a truly idiotic thing to do.
But... what else can you do? It's not like your spouse is your child and you can ground him or something. And chances are he would know it was a stupid move.
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Post by JimB on Jan 22, 2009 11:20:29 GMT -5
It's a conversation I've had before. Through trial and error, the boilerplate speech has developed into something like this.
"Darling, you know I trust your judgment. But I have reason to believe you used poor judgment on this particular occasion. For my sake and the sake of the children, please think twice next time. I'd be happy to come and pick you up if you find yourself in that situation. That is, I may not be thrilled about it, but it's no less inconvenient than the trip to the morgue to identify your body."
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Post by amola on Jan 22, 2009 11:28:33 GMT -5
interesting......
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Post by amola on Jan 22, 2009 11:48:58 GMT -5
you guys are way nicer than i am.
long story short, as soon as he got in the car and took off to go to OUR CHURCH last night for band rehersal for the WORSHIP BAND that he is in, i called 911.
he's got a couple more hours in jail before i have to deal with him.
(oh and it's not like this was a one-time thing either........there's a history there that i'll post later, assuming that he doesn't come home and smash the computer to pieces to get even with me.)
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Post by sheyd on Jan 22, 2009 12:12:00 GMT -5
I would also have called 911. And what was he doing being drunk where there are kids around? As a child of an alcoholic, let me tell you there are few worse feelings than watching a parent drunk.
Bad enough that he was drunk, though - the fact that he decided to take it on the road means he was WAY beyond reasonable. I know the general consensus is that drunk is a pretty acceptable thing - but then why isn't being high? His judgement is impaired, his ability is impaired, he is a danger to himself and others.
Hopefully he has time to sober up in the tank - and will realize that you might not only have saved HIS life, but the lives of the people he might have run over. If he is doing that kind of stuff, it might be time for him to be choosing between alcohol and his family - because he isn't helping anyone if he thinks he can do this stuff. Love can't cure what ails him - only he can make that really hard choice.
The question is - now that you have made such a positive step towards making him responsible for his actions - can you take the next one and protect not only the road, but inside your house? If he DOES smash the computer, or anything else, I hope you report those too - and get him out of there if this is standard behavior...
((((((((HUGS))))))))) Tough road you have to follow... Call me if you need anything...
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Post by freckles on Jan 22, 2009 13:11:43 GMT -5
you guys are way nicer than i am. long story short, as soon as he got in the car and took off to go to OUR CHURCH last night for band rehersal for the WORSHIP BAND that he is in, i called 911. he's got a couple more hours in jail before i have to deal with him. (oh and it's not like this was a one-time thing either........there's a history there that i'll post later, assuming that he doesn't come home and smash the computer to pieces to get even with me.) The ONLY thing Drunkers/Druggies Love is thier Beer/Pot etc Stand between them and thier Fix and they will Break You. I will pray for You that God Protects you from this Evil P.S. He may need a Exorcism, maybe your Church could help |
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Post by jules on Jan 22, 2009 13:32:32 GMT -5
Ok, the situation isn't exactly what I had imagined. (I was thinking having one too many while out and driving home.)
Um, calling 911 on a spouse, and a spouse exacting revenge by destroying property is not a world I can (or want to) imagine. I'm sorry, amola. That's nuts. I don't know whether this was a one-time thing or if it is a pattern, but if it is the latter (God forbid) I know I wouldn't be sticking around for it to continue.
Btw, in the situation you describe, I would have taken away the keys, and offered him a ride if he was insistant on going.
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Post by amola on Jan 22, 2009 13:42:41 GMT -5
i should clarify that he doesn't typically destroy anything (other than brain cells)......i made the remark about the computer a bit faceti...facetious.........(screw it) smart-alecky.
however, he is an alcoholic. he has raging mood swings when he drinks. it's basically a jekyll/hyde thing as both mel and angelbaby can attest to. there is a history of violence, and a previous arrest for domestic battery.
he did do inpatient rehab last march and did great for several months.
typically there is no driving involved, until recently. things have been escalating over the past few months in many respects and i have called him on it time and time again.
there was no way that i could have taken the keys away from him last night because he would have denied the allegations of drinking and he would have created a huge ugly scene in front of the kids, who are already suffering enough with this crap. i felt that it had the potential to get violent (towards me) had i tried to step in myself and i knew that i couldn't defend myself and the kids completely with the hip still in healing mode.
so, i let the professionals handle it. it was a gamble in that i let him out of the house and i let him drive. i knew that he would be going a maximum of 6 blocks to get to the church and just hoped and prayed that he wouldn't wreck before he got there. by the time the dispatcher told the cops where he was going, he was already there and they got him in the parking lot.
they couldn't tell me specifics but he did blow more than twice the legal limit (had i known it was that high, i would have done things much differently).
so yeah, i expect today to be a turning point in our marriage. he'll either have his head surgically removed from his butt, or he'll never forgive me for calling the cops on him again.
and honestly, i don't know which way i want it to go at this point.
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Post by RO on Jan 22, 2009 13:54:17 GMT -5
amola--
as someone that grew up in an alcoholic household...i understand so much of what you are saying.
i know the turning point in my family was when i wrote my dad a letter on my 16th bday and asked him to please stop drinking.
he carried the letter in his wallet from that day forward and never touched a drop til recent years. my parents are more in love than ever...but it was a volatile situation at times. i remember it well.
do remember that there are places you can turn to ... and if you need someone that has lived it...feel free to pm or contact me at the email addy listed on my contact.
wishing you peace and a resolution that you can live with.
ro
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Post by JimB on Jan 22, 2009 14:01:23 GMT -5
There I go again, trying to apply reason to irrational situations.
The alcoholic thing adds a whole new dimension to the story. Not to mention that you tend to have a bit more of a hands-on approach to most things in your life....
Hope everything works out.
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Post by redskyatnight on Jan 22, 2009 14:02:45 GMT -5
Wow. He has deep problems and sometimes the only way to recognize a problem is to get caught. He got caught. If he takes it out on you, he is only deflecting blame.
He has to be responsible for his actions. He is the one who chose to drive. Heck, 6 blocks is nothing, he could have walked it. He could have asked for a ride. He could have skipped practice. He CHOSE to drive, now he needs to take responsibility for it.
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