It's a conversation I've had before. Through trial and error, the boilerplate speech has developed into something like this.
"Darling, you know I trust your judgment. But I have reason to believe you used poor judgment on this particular occasion. For my sake and the sake of the children, please think twice next time. I'd be happy to come and pick you up if you find yourself in that situation. That is, I may not be thrilled about it, but it's no less inconvenient than the trip to the morgue to identify your body."
All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience. -Henry Miller
I would also have called 911. And what was he doing being drunk where there are kids around? As a child of an alcoholic, let me tell you there are few worse feelings than watching a parent drunk.
Bad enough that he was drunk, though - the fact that he decided to take it on the road means he was WAY beyond reasonable. I know the general consensus is that drunk is a pretty acceptable thing - but then why isn't being high? His judgement is impaired, his ability is impaired, he is a danger to himself and others.
Hopefully he has time to sober up in the tank - and will realize that you might not only have saved HIS life, but the lives of the people he might have run over. If he is doing that kind of stuff, it might be time for him to be choosing between alcohol and his family - because he isn't helping anyone if he thinks he can do this stuff. Love can't cure what ails him - only he can make that really hard choice.
The question is - now that you have made such a positive step towards making him responsible for his actions - can you take the next one and protect not only the road, but inside your house? If he DOES smash the computer, or anything else, I hope you report those too - and get him out of there if this is standard behavior...
((((((((HUGS))))))))) Tough road you have to follow... Call me if you need anything...
Ok, the situation isn't exactly what I had imagined. (I was thinking having one too many while out and driving home.)
Um, calling 911 on a spouse, and a spouse exacting revenge by destroying property is not a world I can (or want to) imagine. I'm sorry, amola. That's nuts. I don't know whether this was a one-time thing or if it is a pattern, but if it is the latter (God forbid) I know I wouldn't be sticking around for it to continue.
Btw, in the situation you describe, I would have taken away the keys, and offered him a ride if he was insistant on going.
i should clarify that he doesn't typically destroy anything (other than brain cells)......i made the remark about the computer a bit faceti...facetious.........(screw it) smart-alecky.
however, he is an alcoholic. he has raging mood swings when he drinks. it's basically a jekyll/hyde thing as both mel and angelbaby can attest to. there is a history of violence, and a previous arrest for domestic battery.
he did do inpatient rehab last march and did great for several months.
typically there is no driving involved, until recently. things have been escalating over the past few months in many respects and i have called him on it time and time again.
there was no way that i could have taken the keys away from him last night because he would have denied the allegations of drinking and he would have created a huge ugly scene in front of the kids, who are already suffering enough with this crap. i felt that it had the potential to get violent (towards me) had i tried to step in myself and i knew that i couldn't defend myself and the kids completely with the hip still in healing mode.
so, i let the professionals handle it. it was a gamble in that i let him out of the house and i let him drive. i knew that he would be going a maximum of 6 blocks to get to the church and just hoped and prayed that he wouldn't wreck before he got there. by the time the dispatcher told the cops where he was going, he was already there and they got him in the parking lot.
they couldn't tell me specifics but he did blow more than twice the legal limit (had i known it was that high, i would have done things much differently).
so yeah, i expect today to be a turning point in our marriage. he'll either have his head surgically removed from his butt, or he'll never forgive me for calling the cops on him again.
and honestly, i don't know which way i want it to go at this point.
as someone that grew up in an alcoholic household...i understand so much of what you are saying.
i know the turning point in my family was when i wrote my dad a letter on my 16th bday and asked him to please stop drinking.
he carried the letter in his wallet from that day forward and never touched a drop til recent years. my parents are more in love than ever...but it was a volatile situation at times. i remember it well.
do remember that there are places you can turn to ... and if you need someone that has lived it...feel free to pm or contact me at the email addy listed on my contact.
wishing you peace and a resolution that you can live with.
[quoting Walt Whitman] "To drive free, to love free, to court destruction with taunts, to feed the remainder of life with one hour of fullness and freedom - one brief hour of madness and joy."
Post by redskyatnight on Jan 22, 2009 14:02:45 GMT -5
Wow. He has deep problems and sometimes the only way to recognize a problem is to get caught. He got caught. If he takes it out on you, he is only deflecting blame.
He has to be responsible for his actions. He is the one who chose to drive. Heck, 6 blocks is nothing, he could have walked it. He could have asked for a ride. He could have skipped practice. He CHOSE to drive, now he needs to take responsibility for it.