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Post by amola on Jan 23, 2009 13:21:10 GMT -5
sadly freckles, this isn't my first time on this ride....
but thanks.
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Post by kittenhart on Jan 23, 2009 19:37:05 GMT -5
amola,
I just read this entire thread and have to say that I think you did the right thing calling 911 on him. And I'm not trying to minimize the problem of his alcoholism at all but I guess what would bother me the most was the "secret" bank account...and what he was planning on or was using that money for. Alcohol? Another woman? Legal retainer? I think that is a pretty major issue and can't be resolved by him simply closing out the account.
Did he even offer an explanation to you?
From reading your posts, it sounds like you are sadly very familiar with his patterns...only you know when enough is enough, or if the salvagable good is worth it to you.
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Post by rocko on Jan 23, 2009 21:44:39 GMT -5
I am not there and in the middle of it so my opinion is just that...an opinion.
The secret account is part of another addiction he has...shopping. It doesn't matter if there is money for the bills he will spend money on shoes (like the third identical pair or a hat). Alcohol is not his only self medication.
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Post by amola on Jan 26, 2009 8:52:18 GMT -5
actually his official logic for the account is that he wants to have a way to get back to massachusetts in a heartbeat if his son were to need him for something urgent. ok, i can deal with that, to a point....
but, he's also finally confessed that he has been using the money in that account for other purchases - a new leather coat to replace a horribly expensive one that he lost (because having 5 other coats isn't enough)....a $900 amp that he insisted that he needed for the church band....etc etc etc... he is a shopaholic as well, which goes in waves with the drinking. he engages in a lot of SUI (shopping under the influence) and it has cost us hella money in the past.
saturday we did go to the other bank and he withdrew all of the money that was in there. he couldn't close it out because there is one more deposit that is going in there from his paycheck but as soon as that goes through he'll close it. there was close to $1200 in there which can now at least pay the mortgage and the van payment before we are homeless and wheelless.
he did make it through the weekend without drinking though...
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Post by JimB on Jan 26, 2009 13:08:15 GMT -5
So maybe the ultimatum that needs to be handed down is you are in charge of the purse strings - all of 'em - from now on.
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Post by amola on Jan 26, 2009 13:37:23 GMT -5
i wish.
i was able to log onto his account today - the account number was on his paycheck stub and so i did it.
my gut feeling was right. there's over $2000 in the account that i could see, and it shows no withdrawal on saturday so i'm guessing that this is yet another account. it shows deposits from his ira and a deposit from his work that i have reason to believe is the other half of his christmas bonus that he said he didn't get.
i called him on it - he lied about it all, even with me having the bank statement in my hand with the numbers on it.
i told him to use the money to get an attorney and file for a divorce. he said he doesn't want to do that. i told him fine, i'll do it, and i hung up.
i'm done. i'm just done.
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Post by freckles on Jan 26, 2009 14:37:27 GMT -5
i wish. i was able to log onto his account today - the account number was on his paycheck stub and so i did it. my gut feeling was right. there's over $2000 in the account that i could see, and it shows no withdrawal on saturday so i'm guessing that this is yet another account. it shows deposits from his ira and a deposit from his work that i have reason to believe is the other half of his christmas bonus that he said he didn't get. i called him on it - he lied about it all, even with me having the bank statement in my hand with the numbers on it. i told him to use the money to get an attorney and file for a divorce. he said he doesn't want to do that. i told him fine, i'll do it, and i hung up. i'm done. i'm just done. Trust is important You are Strong, you can make it I will Pray for You You need Trust and Honesty |
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Post by redskyatnight on Jan 26, 2009 16:12:53 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say. It sounds like you have given him multiple opportunities.
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Post by freckles on Jan 27, 2009 11:25:34 GMT -5
i wish. i was able to log onto his account today - the account number was on his paycheck stub and so i did it. my gut feeling was right. there's over $2000 in the account that i could see, and it shows no withdrawal on saturday so i'm guessing that this is yet another account. it shows deposits from his ira and a deposit from his work that i have reason to believe is the other half of his christmas bonus that he said he didn't get. i called him on it - he lied about it all, even with me having the bank statement in my hand with the numbers on it. i told him to use the money to get an attorney and file for a divorce. he said he doesn't want to do that. i told him fine, i'll do it, and i hung up. i'm done. i'm just done. We cant tell you what to do IE : Abandon Your Marrage or Try to Save It That will be You and Your Husbands Choice to make If He Chooses Not to Drink/Drug anymore for the rest of his life Then that would go a long way to fix things No One can make someone do anything Everyone has free will You Choose to do something or Choose to not do something There are Rewards/Consequences ether way |
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Post by rocko on Jan 27, 2009 12:17:49 GMT -5
i wish. i was able to log onto his account today - the account number was on his paycheck stub and so i did it. my gut feeling was right. there's over $2000 in the account that i could see, and it shows no withdrawal on saturday so i'm guessing that this is yet another account. it shows deposits from his ira and a deposit from his work that i have reason to believe is the other half of his christmas bonus that he said he didn't get. i called him on it - he lied about it all, even with me having the bank statement in my hand with the numbers on it. i told him to use the money to get an attorney and file for a divorce. he said he doesn't want to do that. i told him fine, i'll do it, and i hung up. i'm done. i'm just done. We cant tell you what to do IE : Abandon Your Marrage or Try to Save It That will be You and Your Husbands Choice to make If He Chooses Not to Drink/Drug anymore for the rest of his life Then that would go a long way to fix things No One can make someone do anything Everyone has free will You Choose to do something or Choose to not do something There are Rewards/Consequences ether way Freckles, this is the best post EVER from you. Thank you for being compassionate and understanding and not judging. Very Good! |
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Post by amola on Jan 27, 2009 17:18:57 GMT -5
ditto.
thanks everyone. i'm still just basically processing everything.
bah humbug.
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