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Post by Bobfromacctg on Feb 9, 2009 15:14:42 GMT -5
I have three boys, 22, 21 and 17. last week was a banner week for me.
Wednesday night I called my 22 year olds wife to ask her about something for the grand kids and when she answered, it was obvious she had been crying. When I asked the problem she told me that my son had taken off monday evening and she had not heard from him since. Seems he wants to be 17 again with no responsiblities and having to get a job and support his kids just is no fun anymore. My head about exploded I was so angry at him. I can not believe that my son would walk away from his children! I let her know that I would help with food/clothes etc for anything she and the kids needs and to not worry about that.
After I got off that call I was wiped out. I simply could not believe it.
Then my other son called - the 21 year old. He got married in november. Turns out, his wife has some huge issues and he has been her emotional whipping box for the last three months and he is fed up. I knew she was irrational when he married her but she was the first woman who did not care about the wheelchair. I talked to him for quite a while and he decided that while he was fed up, they had agreed to see how the rest of the week goes and see if she can get her temper under control. I was glad but certainly hurting for him.
Saturday night he called back and asked if he could come home. he was tired of being screamed at and could stand it no more. I overheard her screaming at him on the phone because he didn't instantly respond to a text she him because he and I were talking. She screamed for an hour at him over that heinous error. Amazing..
After that call, I ended up being out of work for two days. Both of my boys are in marriages that are struggling - one for being immature and one for jumping too soon in to the situation. However, I just kept going back over and over, what did I do to get them to this point. It was a rough couple of days.
My marriage lasted 25 years and I stuck it out through huge problems and kept coming back. Death of child, cancer, paralysis of a child..etc so I thought I taught them better than this. However, abuse is abuse doesn't matter which direction it comes and I don't want him staying like this.
I'm finally doing better because I had to keep telling myself that these are decisions they are making but that I modeled better behaviour than that to them.
Son #2 now admits that getting married so soon was ahuge mistake.
Hindsight is 20/20...
Amazing.
Update..my daughter inlasw just called and aparently my eldest came home last night becuase he ran out of money. shesh. He and I will be having a talk about his irresponsiblity.
shesh...
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Post by freckles on Feb 9, 2009 15:32:32 GMT -5
I have three boys, 22, 21 and 17. last week was a banner week for me. Wednesday night I called my 22 year olds wife to ask her about something for the grand kids and when she answered, it was obvious she had been crying. When I asked the problem she told me that my son had taken off monday evening and she had not heard from him since. Seems he wants to be 17 again with no responsiblities and having to get a job and support his kids just is no fun anymore. My head about exploded I was so angry at him. I can not believe that my son would walk away from his children! I let her know that I would help with food/clothes etc for anything she and the kids needs and to not worry about that. After I got off that call I was wiped out. I simply could not believe it. Then my other son called - the 21 year old. He got married in november. Turns out, his wife has some huge issues and he has been her emotional whipping box for the last three months and he is fed up. I knew she was irrational when he married her but she was the first woman who did not care about the wheelchair. I talked to him for quite a while and he decided that while he was fed up, they had agreed to see how the rest of the week goes and see if she can get her temper under control. I was glad but certainly hurting for him. Saturday night he called back and asked if he could come home. he was tired of being screamed at and could stand it no more. I overheard her screaming at him on the phone because he didn't instantly respond to a text she him because he and I were talking. She screamed for an hour at him over that heinous error. Amazing.. After that call, I ended up being out of work for two days. Both of my boys are in marriages that are struggling - one for being immature and one for jumping too soon in to the situation. However, I just kept going back over and over, what did I do to get them to this point. It was a rough couple of days. My marriage lasted 25 years and I stuck it out through huge problems and kept coming back. Death of child, cancer, paralysis of a child..etc so I thought I taught them better than this. However, abuse is abuse doesn't matter which direction it comes and I don't want him staying like this. I'm finally doing better because I had to keep telling myself that these are decisions they are making but that I modeled better behaviour than that to them. Son #2 now admits that getting married so soon was ahuge mistake. Hindsight is 20/20... Amazing. Update..my daughter inlasw just called and aparently my eldest came home last night becuase he ran out of money. shesh. He and I will be having a talk about his irresponsiblity. shesh... Dr Laura Slessenger has a Book that would be a good gift for your Unstable Doughter in Law The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
By Dr Laura Slessenger |
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Post by jules on Feb 9, 2009 15:33:58 GMT -5
Oh my, I'm sorry you're having to deal with all that, Bob.
Reason # 48,256 why people should be at least 30 years of age before even considering marriage, imo.
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Post by redskyatnight on Feb 9, 2009 15:49:45 GMT -5
It sounds like the wife of the 21 year old needs some anger management and they need to get to couple's counseling Yesterday.
Maybe the 22 year old will grow up a little and put this incident behind him.
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Post by kittenhart on Feb 9, 2009 21:17:54 GMT -5
It sounds like your younger son's wife needs counselling maybe just on her own even (given that she has such a short fuse).
As for your older son....I don't know what to say....I stayed with a Peter Pan for years hoping he would grow up.
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Post by Bobfromacctg on Feb 10, 2009 13:38:33 GMT -5
I can only hope. I am so disgusted with him it is hard to be civil - I am but he does not make it easy.
As for the 21 yr olds situation..He is not in the least interested in working things out. I guess three months of being screamed at is enough for him.
I'm feeling better about the whole thing - at least I am able to be distracted now and not obsess about it all.
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Post by ionysis on Feb 15, 2009 1:50:44 GMT -5
So sorry to hear about all this Bob - but you know you can do your best bringing them up but when all's said and done once they've flown the nest they are responsible for themselves.
You have the right values and you've taught them as best you could. They are men and have to make their own choices. I know you'll be there for both of them no matter what they do - because that's the kind of guy you are.
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JC
Full Member
Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Feb 16, 2009 14:44:43 GMT -5
you taught them well... its the hormones and such that screwed em up.
seriously, i came across a journal from when i was 16, and in it i had written the perfect age for marriage was 24 and having kids was 26.
which means i was smarter at 16 than at17 when i got married!
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Post by Bobfromacctg on Feb 16, 2009 17:52:10 GMT -5
So sorry to hear about all this Bob - but you know you can do your best bringing them up but when all's said and done once they've flown the nest they are responsible for themselves. You have the right values and you've taught them as best you could. They are men and have to make their own choices. I know you'll be there for both of them no matter what they do - because that's the kind of guy you are. Well, I don't know if I can handle this anymore. The disappointment is simply so much I am feeling daily overwhelmed. I can not stand this. today as I was driving to work, I thought I should just keep on going and not stop at the office. Just drive until I run out of gas or speed up until I'm going 90 - 100 mph and get myself arrested. Maybe if they see dad cracking up they will straighten up and take life seriously. I won't because I'm too damn reliable and you can see what kind of good it got me. Thanks all. |
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Post by freckles on Feb 16, 2009 23:52:45 GMT -5
So sorry to hear about all this Bob - but you know you can do your best bringing them up but when all's said and done once they've flown the nest they are responsible for themselves. You have the right values and you've taught them as best you could. They are men and have to make their own choices. I know you'll be there for both of them no matter what they do - because that's the kind of guy you are. Well, I don't know if I can handle this anymore. The disappointment is simply so much I am feeling daily overwhelmed. I can not stand this. today as I was driving to work, I thought I should just keep on going and not stop at the office. Just drive until I run out of gas or speed up until I'm going 90 - 100 mph and get myself arrested. Maybe if they see dad cracking up they will straighten up and take life seriously. I won't because I'm too damn reliable and you can see what kind of good it got me. Thanks all. You should Listen to Dr Laura Slessenger on the Radio She has a Web Site She has a lot of good advice on her Radio Program Today I was listening and it was a Good Show Some Lady said Her Son would not Do Work/School and was doing Drugs Dr Laura had said to kick him out So He would live with friends until they kicked him out several Until he got a Job on his own and now has his own Apartment and is a better person |
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Post by JimB on Feb 17, 2009 9:07:28 GMT -5
Well, I don't know if I can handle this anymore. The disappointment is simply so much I am feeling daily overwhelmed. I can not stand this. today as I was driving to work, I thought I should just keep on going and not stop at the office. Just drive until I run out of gas or speed up until I'm going 90 - 100 mph and get myself arrested. Maybe if they see dad cracking up they will straighten up and take life seriously. I won't because I'm too damn reliable and you can see what kind of good it got me. Thanks all. I feel like this from time to time too, and I haven't dealt with nearly as much as you have. There may not be a tangible reward for being as strong and reliable as you are and have been, but that doesn't mean it's not worthy of some pride. At least give yourself credit for those fine qualities. |
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Post by shattered on Feb 17, 2009 10:43:31 GMT -5
Ditto on what JimB said.
I'm so sorry, Bob.
Hugs to you.
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