My ex boyfriend from 7 years, who broke up with me in June but kept seeing and hanging out with, sleeping over, etc. and only a month ago he came over my city (I moved after the breakup) and visited me and stuff happened, has just gotten a new girlfriend, a girl that we used to work together with and was my friend.
I can't deal with this, the rejection, the fact that he doesn't love me anymore and that he's over me, the fact that he's happier with her and I'm still thinking and crying over him at night. I can't deal with this, it's too much, please help, I wasn't ready to see him with someone else
Post by redskyatnight on Mar 30, 2009 9:55:27 GMT -5
I'm very sorry for your pain right now. You and he kept the door open by continuing to see each other and that kept your hopes alive. Now your hopes are crushed. It makes it even harder when a friend of yours complicates the picture.
It's ok to be sad for a while.
As hard as it sounds, get out of the house and do things, meet people. Look up meetup.com in your area and go do something, even if you don't feel like it.
Oh, honey, I am so, so sorry for your terrible pain.
Like redsky says, the fact that the two of you continued seeing each other and even sleeping together after the break-up, kept your hopes alive -- as well as a deep attachment to him.
The fact that he is now with someone else is excruciating.
Yes, you should, at least occasionally, force yourself to go out and socialize. But the main thing you need to do, it seems, is to *break off any and all contact with him.*
The last thing you need is to get updates from him on him and this new chick. If things are going well, you'll feel like dirt. If they're having problems, you'll get your hopes back up that you and he might reunite.
The only way you will move through and past this pain is without him in your life. At some point in the future, once you're really over him, you two might be friends again. But not now.
So, no contact with him, and instead focus on contact with old friends, try to make some new ones (redsky's idea of meetup.com is good), and perhaps read some break-up books.
They won't cure your heartache, but they can make you temporarily feel a bit better. One book that I read over and over (I always felt slighly better during the actual act of reading it) is "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken" by Greg Behrendt and his wife.
Despite the flippant title and some humorous approaches in the book, it actually contains a lot of real insight. Behrendt and his wife both went through excruciating relationships and break-ups before they found each other, and they really understand pain.
I'm very sorry for your pain, and completely agree that no contact is the only way to go after a breakup, but especially now. He's moved on with his life, and it's time for you to do the same. I know it's easier said than done, but I think that no contact is like ripping off a band-aid quickly rather than slowly. It hurts like hell initially, but is much less painful in the long run.
Thanks for all your replies, guys...it's been such an awful ride. I cried endlessly for the following 3 days, talked to him, then he cut me off and never answered my calls until he picked up and said something really nasty. That finally did it for me. I figured he's dead to me. Then I found out some more stuff he had done when were together and it totally changed the perspective I had from him. He's just not the person I fell in love with. And he didn't love me either. You don't do these things to people you love.
Luckily I've been staying at a friend's house that's going kind of thru the same thing, and it has a really nice pool, so I got a tan, spent some time just lying by the water...and it was really comforting. I feel better about myself (the new girl is a model...so go figure)...recovering my self-esteem bit by bit, and well, walking on. Thank you, really, thank you for your advice. It's nice to know that there are people out here who really understand the pain and that I'm not alone.