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Post by blazinheart on Jan 24, 2008 23:44:40 GMT -5
If your significant other or good friend does something on a regular basis that may some day cause you to leave them, tell them now, bring it up now. Don't hold it in just because you're afraid to rock the boat or offend them. If you care, tell them.
If there's something that he/she does that really bothers or hurts you, be honest about it. You owe it to them to be honest.
I think we have a tendency to get involved with people and just let little issues build and build until one day we just walk out never come back. We never bring up the issue because we're afraid to hurt the other person, damage their fragile ego. And then we walk out and hurt them worse than if we would've just spoke about the issue.
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Post by ionysis on Jan 25, 2008 5:39:39 GMT -5
Got to agree with that wholeheartedly. That is one massive reason why I'm not married now - he bottled everything up and totally stopped telling me anything. Strangely enough eventually he exploded. If things can be addressed before they reach critical mass so much pain could be avoided.
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Post by Phoenixx on Jan 25, 2008 6:19:27 GMT -5
What if someone does something consistently, you consistently point out and they keep doing it again? Not a big thing, like cheating, just a smaller thing. Say, not calling when they're running late. Little lies. Cancelling on you.
Do you choose to leave? Or put up with it?
(by the by, I agree with Blazing, I'm just asking because ...well because.)
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Post by goods on Jan 25, 2008 7:56:02 GMT -5
Well if you mention it... and it continues. I would have to seriously think about ending the relationship. If they don't care enough about you to alter the behavior, more than likely things will get worse.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 25, 2008 10:22:56 GMT -5
I totally totally believe in honesty at any expense. I totally believe in letting the other person know where your boundaries are and how you feel. I just don't think that means it will all get fixed. Sometimes what you think is super important either may not translate as important to them (you are just being silly - or being a nag) or they may try to change and be unable, or they may just believe that is an area they shouldn't HAVE to change, and you should just accept them.
Each person has things they think are important - their partner may NOT. What if your partner thinks it isn't that big of a deal and you should just let them be who they are? How often DO you bring it up? Even if you ARE going to leave if it doesn't change, how much should you "beat them over the head with a baseball bat" as some people on ojar suggested needs to happen, or do you just explain how important it is and then leave when it doesn't change? What if efforts are made, but the problem doesn't go away? Then it gets to the point where my belief in "sticking it out" and "working it out" come in conflict with whatever is unacceptable to me.
It is especially difficult if your partner isn't even making efforts, or worse, doesn't think it is important. Sometimes you can work on yourself until it isn't important to you, but over time too much of this can make you lose yourself.
Shey
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Post by finding on Jan 25, 2008 10:50:41 GMT -5
What if someone does something consistently, you consistently point out and they keep doing it again? Not a big thing, like cheating, just a smaller thing. Say, not calling when they're running late. Little lies. Cancelling on you. Do you choose to leave? Or put up with it? (by the by, I agree with Blazing, I'm just asking because ...well because.) My ex was horrible about this. He never got it. I should have just walked away when he started a fight because he didn't call when he was late and I said something. |
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Post by goods on Jan 25, 2008 11:07:42 GMT -5
If you just "take it", don't stand up for yourself... they will lose any respect for you that they had and walk all over you.
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Post by finding on Jan 25, 2008 11:10:06 GMT -5
If you just "take it", don't stand up for yourself... they will lose any respect for you that they had and walk all over you. He never had any respect for me. I was the object on his arm who was supposed to look pretty and not say a word about anything. I should have run for the hills when I fugured that one out. |
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Post by rocko on Jan 25, 2008 13:14:42 GMT -5
I agree with blazin'
Here is a scenerio that happens in MY life.
Kevin HATES for people to eat in the car...not bc it is messy or anything, it is just a pieve.
I LOVE to eat french fries on the way home, that is the only time they are really good.
Do I give up really good french fries because me eating them in the car gets on his nerves? or does he get over it and let me eat a few fries in the car?
YES THIS IS ACTUALLY ONE OF OUR SILLY PROBLEMS.
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Post by Saucy on Jan 27, 2008 23:38:08 GMT -5
mmmmmm i love french fries in the car too..and i just now realized that they ARE the only times its really goood... either you can sneak a few fries when hes not looking (which you have to master), or cut your losses rock..  hahhaa....he totally used to tell me to wait....and quite honestly, what you just mentioned above wouldve been a justifiable reason to chow down... |
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Post by rocko on Jan 29, 2008 8:09:49 GMT -5
I eat three or four and he gives me a dirty look and then I stop.
When he isn't with me I EAT THEM ALLL in the car MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(that was evil laughter).
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 8:15:03 GMT -5
I eat three or four and he gives me a dirty look and then I stop. When he isn't with me I EAT THEM ALLL in the car MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(that was evil laughter). LOL! |
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