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Post by AngelBaby on Jan 23, 2008 1:09:37 GMT -5
but I need some support. J's mom is not doing good at all. She hasn't had her chemo since sometime in November, because they thought that she had pneumonia. Turns out it wasn't pneumonia, it was the cancer. They did a cat scan and found that not only has it riddled her lungs, but it's consumed her thyroid and the lymph nodes around it and has also spread to her brain. She has 2 tumors in her brain, and they are like pushing down on her brain, which is causing her nose to bleed, and causing her eye to droop like she's had a stroke. She's been having a really hard time breathing, because of the thyroid and lymph nodes pushing on her esophagus and trachea and so J's dad took her to the emergency room Friday morning. They are doing radiation on her brain, basically to buy her some more time. The doctor's told her that trying to pick the chemo up again would be pointless, because it's basically at the point of no return. She and I are VERY close. I would honestly say she's one of my best friends. I can tell her ANYTHING. Hell, she knew I was in love with J before I even told HIM. So, anyway, she's been in the hospital since Friday. J called me this afternoon, and I guess his dad had called him. She was supposed to be able to go home today. The doctors are now saying that there is no way that she will go home. They have moved her to the skilled nursing floor at the hospital. They are giving her 2 different medications for her brain (I don't understand this, but this is what J told me) one that makes her cry all the time, and the other makes her mean. She can't talk, because they put in a trakeostomy (or however the hell it's spelled). So, things are NOT good. We are facing the imminent death of his mom, and I am at a total loss as to what to do. I know that realisticly (why the hell can't I spell tonight.......) there is nothing that I can do. All I can do is be here to support J and his family....but it just doesn't seem like enough, ya know?? So, I guess the point of this is, just pray for us, if you do that kind of thing. And keep in mind, that I probably will be losing my mind in a couple weeks........hell, who am I kidding.....I've already lost my mind....................
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Post by ionysis on Jan 23, 2008 1:37:12 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear that. I've never been through something like this with someone so close to me so I'm not going to be able to offer any practical advice gleaned from experience I'm afraid. All I can offer is my greatest sympathy and say that I'm sure at this time that you being there for J means the world to him and that no one can make him feel more comforted than you can just by being yourself and being near him. Thinking of you.
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Post by cdngurl on Jan 23, 2008 9:10:24 GMT -5
Angelbaby - I am so sorry to hear you and J are going through this. I don't know if you know, but I lost my mom to lung cancer on Sept 22. There isn't much I can say - I pray that you can find the strength to be there for her as much as you can. Hold her hand - rub her back... I pray that her pain is minimized - that God is merciful to you all as he calls her home. (I'm crying at work now.. ) You are in my thoughts.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 23, 2008 9:15:31 GMT -5
I am so very very sorry, sweetie. You CAN make it through this, and it is ok to lose your mind a little, to cry a lot, to lean on people. I know you have been too intimate with grief already in your life, but this time you and J have each other. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain, I know how hard this is.
If you need me, I will come, you know that, right? We mean to get down to Chicago before March anyway - so you tell me when you need a hug or some kids to play with, and we will be there.
((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
Shey
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Post by AngelBaby on Jan 23, 2008 22:53:26 GMT -5
Thanks. I feel like............I don't know how I feel. I am just going through the motions right now. We are going to go see her tomorrow, and we'll just have to go from there, I suppose. *sigh*
I just wish I had some answers.........and I won't/don't/whatever.
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blu
Full Member
Posts: 145
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Post by blu on Jan 24, 2008 20:43:13 GMT -5
Please know that you all are in my prayers. My good friend is still going through treatment and now a another surgery.
((hugs))
Blu
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Post by Dave on Jan 27, 2008 20:43:30 GMT -5
Isn't Angelbaby and Blu the same person? Whoa.
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Post by AngelBaby on Jan 29, 2008 23:50:00 GMT -5
No...I used to be Blue a LONG time ago. But not anymore........and it's been a LONG LONG time ago.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Jan 30, 2008 13:49:48 GMT -5
Hun,
I just read this. You know what an amazing person you are and I admire your stregnth and perseverance. I know that it's draining to be there for so many people sometimes when you have your own personal pain to handle as well. You do it like a champ. Grief is something that's touched your lives a lot lately and I hate to see that happen to such an amazing woman. You are beautiful inside and out and like with all challenges you've faced, you will make it through this too. And, the bright side is that though J is hurting too, you have him to make it through this with. You are not alone. Please know it's okay to feel like you've lost it. It's okay to cry, to vent, to scream a little if you need to. We're all going to be around for you as much as we can so turn to any of us. You have my number and can call anytime, day or night. I can't give you a real hug but I'll be sending all the mental hugs I possibly can. Prayers are always said for you guys but I'll make sure to give some extra. Love you hun.
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Post by AngelBaby on Jan 30, 2008 23:39:46 GMT -5
Hoodie.......
Your post had me in tears........I am SO thankful that you and I have become "friends" over the years.
I honestly don't know what I would do without you guys to vent and cry to.
I love you back!
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Jan 31, 2008 20:29:52 GMT -5
OMG hun.............Im positively speechless. Im sooo soo sorry. I will give you a call hun. You are in our prayers and thoughts daily. Love you bunches
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Post by crushy on Jan 31, 2008 21:03:40 GMT -5
Oh, Sweety...I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please try to find some solace in the fact if and when J's mom passes, she will be with your beautiful children. I don't know what your personal beliefs are, but I believe there is life after death and she will envelope those beautiful babies until it is your time.
You know I love you and pray for you. It just breaks my heart you've had so much to deal with, but am so grateful God gave you J to hold you through it.
Love ya,
T
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Post by AngelBaby on Feb 3, 2008 3:30:02 GMT -5
Well, sorry guys.....here's another update.........
She's got an infection somewhere, and they aren't sure where. She's still in the hospital, and they are, we think, going to try and start chemo again this coming Friday.
I have worked 30 hours in the last 2 days, so I haven't gotten the chance to talk to her to find out for sure what is going on at this point.
I'm anticipating having at least 40 hours of OVERTIME this pay period, so I don't know when I will have the chance to talk to her and find out what's going on for sure.
Thanks SO much for thinking of me and praying for me.
And Crushy, babe, you are right. She will be with her grandbabies, and be able to send them to us when it's right.
Love you guys!
Oh, and sis, I did get your message, but as you can tell....work has been hell! I went in at 7:30 this morning, and got off work at 1:30 am, so..............
I promise though, I WILL try and give you a call on one of my smoke breaks tomorrow.
Love you!
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Post by AngelBaby on Feb 24, 2008 15:24:56 GMT -5
Ok........ Funeral is tomorrow. J's suit is at the dry cleaners and I need to go pick it up first thing in the morning. They aren't open today, so it will have to be in the morning when I go get it. I still have NO clue what I'm going to wear, so I guess I need to get up off my ass and go dig through my closet. She was so young. I don't even know what I'm feeling at this point. I can't even begin to express what is going through my head. I just want to sleep. I need to go to Walmart and get a pair of pantyhose too.....God, where's Amola with her lists when you need her.....................................
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Post by AngelBaby on Feb 25, 2008 20:59:28 GMT -5
Well.....the funeral nightmare is over. Thanks for all the warm thoughts today.....I appreciate it. It was a tough day at the very least, and this is just the beginning I think.
The service was beautiful, M would have been proud. I lost it at the end, and then again at the cemetary. But....over all I feel like I handled things well.
J is doing ok....he lost it a couple times, and when his "sperm donor", D, came in, he was the most upset. D walked out of their lives when J was little, and he had the nerve to show up today....unreal......but whatever. He said to me "why now? He didn't come to anything else, why today?" I didn't know what to say. But.........
I must say, I'm kind of relieved that it's all over. We can pick up the pieces and just kind of move on, ya know?
Anyways....just thought I'd drop in real quick.
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