super
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Posts: 122
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Post by super on Feb 1, 2008 13:06:04 GMT -5
I wish I could just get over it already. I felt pretty good for the last two weeks, even kind of exhilarated. Suddenly I'm feeling really sad again. The last three days I just want to stay home and cry, and am even breaking down in public again. I'm having panicky feelings of not knowing what to do with my life, being alone, being unloved blah blah blah. I'm so sick of spending my emotional energy on this. I want to be done with it already!
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Post by jules on Feb 1, 2008 13:18:32 GMT -5
I know. It's frustrating.
One thing that may help is to think back and look at how far you have come. You may have not wanted to leave the house, but you have. You had two pretty good, even almost exhiliarating weeks. You're getting there.
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Post by Saucy on Feb 1, 2008 13:27:38 GMT -5
i remember going through this. i used to break down in the middle of the work day, i'd go home and sit in the dark and just sob until my eyes became sooo puffy i couldnt even put makeup on the next day. i guess these emotional rollercoasters are the worst, because one week you feel so motivated to move on and start a new life, and then all of a sudden a heavy depression would hit. But you know what, the thing that got me through it all, was just thinking of how fabulous of a life i have. Life isnt that bad, when you factor in all of the GREAT stuff occuring RIGHT NOW and be grateful for it, because your days could be so much worse. I'm a single mother, and to be honest, going through the crazy emotional rollercoaster was sooo much harder because i had to be content or act "together" in front of my son. And then I asked myself, why hurt so much, when i have a beautiful adorable healthy baby boy to be sooo happy about. My days right then and there started getting easier to deal with, and the emotional rollercoasters soon werent phasing me as much.
time really does heal, and i'm sure you've heard this a million times. well here's to a million and one. if i could, i'd hug you, cause this shit really does suck. but it'll pass. it can't rain everyday.
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Post by murdock on Feb 1, 2008 13:35:55 GMT -5
If we never had a bad day, how would we ever appreciate a really good day??? I know that it sucks especially since you have been doing great, but you need to figure out how to get back on track. In any recovery process you take a few steps forward and a couple steps back, but you have to keep pushing forward through the tough times. Have positive thoughts, even when your brain is telling you to be miserable. Focus on the good. You can do it. I wish I could give you a Big Hug and a Big Kiss... just remember, you are not aloe.
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super
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Posts: 122
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Post by super on Feb 1, 2008 17:32:05 GMT -5
Thanks for all your support. I really thought I was doing okay, and now I just can't get it out of my mind that he's with someone else. That he moved on so quickly. I'm angry that he doesn't have to deal with the knowledge of me moving on and being with someone else. I don't know how you I can still be so upset about all this.
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Post by crushy on Feb 2, 2008 2:23:43 GMT -5
Thanks for all your support. I really thought I was doing okay, and now I just can't get it out of my mind that he's with someone else. That he moved on so quickly. I'm angry that he doesn't have to deal with the knowledge of me moving on and being with someone else. I don't know how you I can still be so upset about all this. Believe me, I have no doubt you will find yourself thanking God you are no longer with him. I've literally thanked mine for leaving. I never would have done it myself, so I owe him big time. I'm so much happier. We were just too young and think we married because we couldn't stand the thought of the other with someone else. I had the nights (at first) where I would wake up alone and know they were together, but now, I hope they rock each other's world. The more they spend on them, the less they bother me. Funny, I ached to hear he regretted leaving, but once I got it (he married her 4 wks after our divorce was final and called me crying one night about 6 mos after marrying her). He said he had made a mistake and wished he could turn the clock back to be with us again. I asked if he meant all of us or just our boys. He replied, 'All of you.' I told him not to worry, I would never tell N and I haven't. Of course, she'd never (can't) believe me anyway. Now they are expecting a baby (something I used to wish upon them, but again, it works out that once you get what you want, you no longer care). I used to think, of course she seemed like a vacation because they'd never been up all night with sick kids, paying a mortgage, etc. He's 42 and is going to have one in high school, one in jr high, her's in grade school and a newborn. Crap!! I'm sooooooooo grateful W has had a vasectomy!! I thoroughly enjoyed my sons when they were little, but I'm ready for this next phase of my life. It particularly hit me on Halloween. I was driving carefully through my neighborhood from work as trick-or-treaters were everywhere and I remember thinking, I'm sooooooooo glad I'm done with the costumes, parades, etc. I loved it when it was that time in my life, but I'm onto another phase of my life. He's starting all over again? Freaking crazy!!!!!! I used to refer to my feelings you're having now as their 'bed of roses'. Turns out, just like many told me, his life is no bed of roses. However, mine is getting pretty darned close. They can't walk away and not look back. There are times I'm sure he questions what he's done. I don't know your particular story, but I think this almost always rings true. If he doesn't have some pain now, he will. Again, ask yourself what difference would it really make if he did regret it. Could it ever be the same? Hang in there, girl. Crushy
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Post by kittenhart on Feb 2, 2008 20:08:18 GMT -5
Super,
Lately I've been telling myself to reframe things more as an "opportunity" rather than as a loss....It is hard to do but I really do think that in many ways we divorced people do get a "chance to start over" that people who stay in unhappy marriages don't get. It is hard when I look at happy couples that have been together for years (like my parents, for example) and I think "Why couldn't that have been us? What is so bad about me that he didn't think I was worth sticking it out for?" but then I look at couples, like his parents, married forty years and have been bringing out the worst in each other for most of those years, blaming each other for their unhappiness, being bitter, blah,blah,blah....and I think that I've done the right thing. There are some people out there that are just rarely happy, and there are combinations of people that are truly toxic. I now have a chance to meet someone who does think I'm worth it....hopefully he's out there somewhere....Super, you now have a chance to meet someone who thinks you are the Greatest Thing that Ever Happened to Him. And that's an opportunity you would never have if it weren't for all this shiat that you're going through right now....but there's no way out but through it.
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Post by jules on Feb 2, 2008 21:20:38 GMT -5
khart, I hate to sound like a broken record, but once again I love your post. I've been trying to look at this thing as an opportunity to start over, too. It's easier said than done, but overall the prospect is exciting. Terrifying, but exciting.
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hope
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Post by hope on Feb 2, 2008 21:37:52 GMT -5
khart, I hate to sound like a broken record, but once again I love your post. I've been trying to look at this thing as an opportunity to start over, too. It's easier said than done, but overall the prospect is exciting. Terrifying, but exciting. Great posts, guys. There is a part of this that's about oppotunity, excitement...that's true, and we don't want to miss it because we're too busy worrying about the past!
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Post by jules on Feb 2, 2008 22:09:59 GMT -5
khart, I hate to sound like a broken record, but once again I love your post. I've been trying to look at this thing as an opportunity to start over, too. It's easier said than done, but overall the prospect is exciting. Terrifying, but exciting. Great posts, guys. There is a part of this that's about oppotunity, excitement...that's true, and we don't want to miss it because we're too busy worrying about the past! Totally. I can't do anything about past regrets, but to miss out on living now because of regretting the past would only make for more regrets. (And if you could follow that I'll give you a dollar.)
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super
Full Member
Posts: 122
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Post by super on Feb 4, 2008 12:29:24 GMT -5
I agree, it is an opportunity. I know that I really wanted out of the relationship and was unhappy, but I just couldn't do it. I think he really did me a favour.
At the same time, I'm really hurting thinking about everything we once had. Even worse, at the end he kept saying that he wanted kids and to settle down. That he didn't want to be having kids when he was old. I said I needed two years before I could think about having kids. He obviously wasn't willing to wait. It makes me angry that he'd rather try to replace me with someone than wait for me. I really need to get my head out of the past.
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Post by RO on Feb 4, 2008 20:03:01 GMT -5
Super-
Take your last statement and post it where you will see it every single day.
YOU NEED TO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE PAST!
The only way to move forward is one step at a time. Stop wishing to fast forward...enjoy the moments you have...be thankful for the time and opportunity to grow.
Yes, a broken heart is painful...yes, it hurts to breathe...but you already know you are a fighter and can make it...
Open the door, walk through...someone will be there.
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