Ex's sister

[ionysis]

My ex's sister and her husand are in town this evening. I am supposed to be seeing them with R and another couple for dinner.

When R broke up with me, despite the fact that I'd known her for four years (although we weren't close friends) she didn't even bother to call, text or email me once to say that she was sorry we'd broken up or to hope I was OK. When I emailed her to congratulate her on the announcement of her engagement (4 weeks after mine was called off) she didn't bother to reply.

Now to be honest I can't stand R's family. His father is the only one I like as he is a kind and thoughtful man. He went to the trouble to write me a very sweet and thoughtful letter wishing me the best and expressing his sympathy when R called off the wedding.

His mother is a neurotic, selfish b*tch who I blame extensively for R's mental and emotional issues, his brother is a spoiled brat, although not that bad overall, and his sister never made the slightest effort to make me feel comfortble or befriend me when I was going out with R.

Also, if I'm honest I was always jealous of her relationship with R - I don't have siblings and have never been able to really understand or appreciate the brother sister bond. I never felt that he loved me properly anyway and I always felt that his family came first in everything and I was the last on his list of priorities - this still feels like the case and it still hurts. When his mother came to stay he didn't come and see me even once although before she came he was around all the time so I felt slighted and hurt.

So anyway, basically I am going to this dinner for his benefit not mine and certainly not hers. The thing is I don't really feel very inclined to sit there and be sweetness and light to this woman who showed me not the slightest concern or sympathy when her brother destroyed my life.

Do you think I should go or should I just plead work and cancel?

[RO]

I say, don't go. Life is too short... Enjoy your own time! Why spend time with someone that makes you uncomfortable and is not longer a part of your world.

Do something fun for YOU!

[jules]

You've probably already made your decision, but I'd say don't go. It doesn't sound like you're at a stage where such an obligation is necessary, unless it's something you really want to do.

By the way, try not to feel bad about the family's reaction. I'd practically been a daughter and sister to my in-laws for about a decade, and they've not contacted me once since the split, even though we live in the same town, and even after I sent a mass card and nice note expressing my sympathy when my father-in-law's father passed away. When I accidently ran into his brother and his girlfriend in Target, they pretended not to see me at first (until I approached them with a big smile and warm greeting -- my legs shaking the entire time.) I felt horrible at first (and sometimes still do), but I'm reminding myself that it's them -- not me.

[rocko]

I wouldn't go. Hell I would go to anything with my in-laws now. They are awful people that have done nothing, but cause me pain.

M xIn-Laws are another story, but they have always treated me as family.

[gdgross]

Mar 10, 2008 9:34:02 GMT -5 jules said:

By the way, try not to feel bad about the family's reaction. I'd practically been a daughter and sister to my in-laws for about a decade, and they've not contacted me once since the split, even though we live in the same town, and even after I sent a mass card and nice note expressing my sympathy when my father-in-law's father passed away. When I accidently ran into his brother and his girlfriend in Target, they pretended not to see me at first (until I approached them with a big smile and warm greeting -- my legs shaking the entire time.) I felt horrible at first (and sometimes still do), but I'm reminding myself that it's them -- not me.

That's so sad. It's the same story with my ex in-laws. I extended the olive branch several times, but it was never really reciprocated.

Truth be told, I might have more bitterness towards my ex's family than to my ex herself. At least I understand to some extent why she acted the way she did. Her family - I don't get it. They loved me, and then just kind of let me fade into the background. My ex MIL made one phone call a few months after my ex left to see how I was, but I felt the conversation was kind of superficial.

To hell with 'em all.

[Saucy]

Live your life with no regrets and be true to yourself.